NO Means Oh Don't Stop!
by LLCoyote
Summary: I'm tired of Tori's attitude. I'm sick of her prancing around like a show pony! Daring to stand up to me. To tell me NO. It's time she learns her lesson... and I think I know just how to teach her. WARNING! NOT a very friendly fic. So M it isn't funny!
1. Poorly Tought Out Scemes and Vodka

**Let me explain this first of all. I've been reading a lot of Jori, Cade, and various other fanfictions that involve Jade. I realize at the begining, Jade is cruel, hard, and almost always using someone for sex or being dominant. Then once she realizes she's having feelings for the other person, presto chango, the sex becomes gentle and Jade realizes she has a sweet side. That's great, totally, but I'm sick of it in a way. So this is my project. I'm going to try to create a love triange, in which feelings between Tori and Jade pop up out of thin air. I want to try and show (eventually) that Jade does feel for Tori without changing her personality much. I'm not sure I'll be able to do it and make everything believeable but it's a fun project. This probably won't be more than four chapters long if that. I implore you to review this story because I'm not sure what I feel about it. Usually I know I like my stories and as much as I love reviews, it doesn't bother me not to get them, but I don't know HOW to feel over this. Part of me loves it, part of me thinks it's stupid and unrealistic, and part of me is a little scared I'm getting so dark on the issue of sex. This is my first strictly smut story too, so it'd be nice if you'd tell me how it goes. Anyway...**

**!WARNING!**

**Jade is pretty different in this story than what I've read in about 70 percent of stories. This Jade is a pervert, predetor, bitch, backstabber, and a little creepy.**

**THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC SEX SCENES, SOME OF WHICH ARE OF DUBIOUS CONSENT! THERE WILL BE LESBIAN AND MOST LIKELY THREESOMES! CONTROL AND DOM/SUB ROLES WILL BE INVOLVED AS WELL AS SOLO (most likely), PAIN, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HUMILIATION!**

**Was that a warning or did it just make you want to read more?**

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><p>I did it! My smirk is enough to let everyone else know exactly what I've done. What is it? I've stolen a part from Tori Vega. That's right Mrs. I'm-So-Fucking-Perfect-and-Good-At-Everything Vega. Ok, so she swears she doesn't think of it that way, but I do. After the last four times she took parts from ME, and I'm damn near a perfect actress, I'm aloud to think that way. Pffft I'm aloud to think what ever way I want. I'm JADE WEST! Point is, Tori didn't get this one and it makes me ridiculously happy. Almost bubbly, like a Cat bubbly... and that's huge for me. Not only did I take a role from her, I took one she REALLY wanted. Something she babbled on and on about for weeks. The best part? She didn't even know I was trying out. I snuck in and out under her turned up nose and starry eyes, taking what I wanted while she was distracted. I tell you, it's like taking candy from a baby... and I know how literal that expression is. I've done it before.<p>

"You could try to look less pleased with yourself." Beck says, his voice tickling my left ear even though his face is at least three feet from mine. I try to muster up a glare at him but I can see him chuckling, twirling a pencil in his hand absent mindedly. He's proud of me and just as amused as I am over the situation. I snort and shove him a bit. No one is around to see, so I can show such open regale. That's the thing about Beck. Everyone thinks he's just a big sweetie. They think I'm the evil one. That I'm the crazy, possessive, mean, sadistic bitch, and don't get me wrong I totally am, but so is he. We wouldn't be together if he was that sweet. He seems to delight in the many of the same things I do, it's why he doesn't see me as scary. And I love it about him. I don't want to be likeable, I'm fine being a bitch, but the last thing I want to be is scary. I even asked him once after this stupid little brat told me I was scary and that's why I had no true friends. Beck, being ever the poet, smirked and slung an arm around my shoulder, "Babe, you're just... black. No, that sounds weird. You're dark! That's exactly what you are. Dark. Everybody else is like those little kids who have to sleep with a night light. They think darkness is bad. They don't realize bad things happen in the light sometimes, and more often than not great things happen in the dark. People are stupid about shit they can't understand. So they cover it up by being scared of you." He gave me a sly wink, "I know waaay better. Great things happen to ME in the dark." Fuck he's such a perv. It's ok, I am too.

My internal stroll down memory lane is cut off by Andre, Cat, and Tori walking in. Cat has a sympathetic look on her face that doesn't reach her eyes. How could it? Tori steals lime light around here, and it's not just from me. Besides, we've been friends since almost the beginning of my life. So how could she NOT be proud of me? Andre looks a little bored, his familiar up-beat and cheery attitude isn't there but he doesn't seem UNhappy. Probably nervous that he got the other part in the play, and now has to lock lips with me. I don't blame him, I'm a lot to handle when it comes to sex, even things that seem 'innocent' like stage kissing. Finally my eyes lock with Tori's, or at least they attempt to. Tori averts her gaze. She doesn't look sad. She looks... nervous? I frown in legitimate confusion and glance over at Beck. Ever perceptive, he shrugs, having noticed the anomaly too. I was going to just follow his lead and shrug it off but Tori actually spoke up. "Jade could I um... talk to you?" She mumbles. My legs start to shift on Beck's lap, I know she means in private. He doesn't let go right away. It takes a gentle tug and a glance from me for him to let me slip through his fingers. My feet hit the ground with an ungraceful -_clomp_-.

Tori doesn't make any move to lead the way, even as I give her an expectant glare. She stands there with her head down, taking far too much interest in her nails for my taste. I decide to grab the bull by the balls and lead her away from the others. It annoys me that she's acting so odd. "What's stuck in your crawl Vega?" I groan, rolling my weight onto one hip and resting there. It was stupid that I even asked, I truly don't give a shit. Tori attempts a glare at me. She doesn't answer for a few minutes. Instead she chooses to kick at the wall of the black box, like she's testing to see if it's real or something. I snap my fingers sharply in front of her eyes, smirking when I get a tiny flinch from her. "Right... So I just got out of Braimer's class... you know Cinema Technique and Impact?" She asks stupidly. I snort, "I'm IN the class Vega, I know full and well you just got out. Can we speed this up before I'm at my 100th birthday?" I snap, I don't have time for her to be stupid. She stumbles on her words, "W-well, you weren't there." I roll my eyes and start to walk away, "I know I wasn't in class Vega, tell my mommy if you're so bent about it." I don't bother to look back at her as I speak.

Her slender form darted around front of me. It wasn't hard considering how lazy I am as I walk. Her hands are out in front of her, as if trying to appease my poor mood. I snort, like she could ever do that. On the other hand her expression is pissed, "It's not about that. I wanted to say we got paired up because you weren't there! We have to write a 9 page paper on the effects and impact that certain, distinct actions have on an audience during a movie... which means I called you over here to ask you if... you'd come over and watch movies with me Friday." She rushes everything she says and I know why, because I can think of a billion things I'd rather do on Friday than anything that involves her. The only reason she's talking is because she doesn't want to get stuck with a 9 page paper by herself... it's reasonable. I still don't like it. My lips purse and I think about just letting her do it alone. I know she will. Honor student, straight A's, top of some of her classes. Yup, she has every credential to make her one of those stupid, easily taken advantage of, brats that you can stick with homework and it gets done. On the other hand she's also a whiner, and a big ass tattle tale. Avoiding this would mean winding up in Lane's office, trying not to gag on the sent of lotion and answering redundant/uncomfortable questions. Soooo, Tori's it is. "What ever Vega." I grumble, continuing on my way. She should understand what that means. If not she'll piece it together by the time I'm up her driveway Friday. I stop for a second, "But you're feeding me and I'm not paying." I snap, she's ruining my mood. As always. I need to get back to my boyfriend.

Friday isn't everything people say it's cracked up to be and I've never understood why people get so excited for it. Friday is the same as every other weekday. Just because it's ALMOST the weekend doesn't make it fun. I still have to get up at the crack of dawn, roll out of bed, and fumble through a painful day of school. Usually Fridays are even less fun for me. It's the one day of the week my mother has time for me and on the all too often chance I can't be somewhere else, I'm forced to endure her presence. She makes everything so damn cheery it's sick. I don't know WHY, it's not like she has anything to be happy about and I sure as hell don't look interested. Never the less she babbles on and on out her week and on the worst occasions, she asks me about mine.

This Friday is worse though. I'd rather spend a million hours with my mother than Vega. Tori... stupid Tori. The more I think about her, the more pissed off I am. The more pissed off I am, the harder my foot presses the accelerator. And it's not just the fact that she seems to get anything and everything she wants. It's not about how happy she is or even about how everyone thinks she's great. No, what I hate most about Tori Vega is that if I push her hard enough, she grows this back bone out of no where. She'll push back. Worst of all, she'll say NO to me. Nobody says no to me... maybe Beck on rare occasion. My foot slams on the break at a red light. Cat used to do the same thing when we were like five. Back when we weren't friends and Cat was some weird, annoying brunette that bounced around without a care, Cat said no a lot. It wasn't until she realized that if she wanted to be around me that meant getting behind me and listening to what I said, did we ever become friends. Tori didn't seem to get that point. No matter what I threw at her, she refused to give up. Yet she still stuck to me like a piece of gum on my shoe. Still tried to impress me. As if by showing she wasn't scared of me and showing off as an actress would get her into my good graces. I chortle, I barely have good graces and if I do, there's only one way to get in them. Backing down. Green. My foot slams against the pedal and my head snaps back against the seat as I take off.

Tori lives about ten minutes from me. Actually if you ignore a certain road block and aren't afraid to four wheel it a bit, she lives five minutes from me... but I promised Beck I'd stick to the roads while I was in my car from now on. Beck is just about the only person who can twist my arm and make me do things I don't want. Apparently, "Toyota's aren't ATV's babe." Besides, the longer it takes to get to Vega's the better. Eventually I'm there though, and now I just want to get this over with. Rip the band aid off fast and get back to my life. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll convince her to NOT talk. Though I doubt that's possible for her. She seems to have a constant stream of words spilling from her pretty little lips. Sometimes the flow is gentle, and sometimes it's gushing out, but she always seems to have her fucking mouth open. Like she thinks the world will just stop if she doesn't say what's on her mind.

I sigh check myself in the mirror, messing with my hair a bit. Doesn't she realize that silence is golden? Or that the mouth can do so many more interesting things when it's preoccupied with... other, activities. I chuckle and jerk my keys out of the ignition with more force than needed. Damn hormones. Now THERE is something I wouldn't mind doing with Vega... and I never dreamed I would say that sentence. She is attractive though. Slim and taught, big brown eyes and puffy lips. Not the most shapely woman but she had enough curve to her body to be interesting. I lick my lips, noticing they were suddenly dry, and slam my fist against the front door. I need to settle down. I'm turned on and pissy... and her taking a long time to answer will only make it worse.

Right now is just about the part that I should feel bad hm? I should tell myself it's wrong to think like that when I have a boyfriend right? Wrong. I don't feel bad. For one thing I know Beck doesn't care. I've had sex with Cat before. Hell I have sex with Cat OFTEN. Sex is sex. He'd probably be proud of me for thinking that way. Even if I'd kill him for thinking the same. It's one sided but I've always been like that. He knew that when we started dating.

The knob twists as the door open and I almost check my watch in surprise. It can't be later than six, yet there stands Tori in plain white shorts and a tiny blue tank top. Her bra is incontestably missing from beneath her clothes. I can see the tiny peaks where her nipples are and far too much leg. Nothing left for me to imagine anymore. Clearly these are the things she sleeps in. I roll my eyes, not that I mind seeing flesh, but the girl has no cooth. She doesn't realize that girls, especially ones like me and even Cat, have the capability of looking at her like all the boys do. And I have to give her credit, her clothes always seem flowy, or layered and that made her look skinnier. Like she had no curve. Not that she was all hills and valleys... but it was more than I expected. Again my tongue swipes out over my lips. Her eyes aren't bright, they're apprehensive... and I love it. I have to take a deep breath to settle my stupid hormones... I shouldn't have turned Beck down last night. I was grumpy about coming over here and now I'm paying for it by having to clench my fists together just so I won't shove my hand down Vega's itty bitty shorts.

"Hey." She mumbles awkwardly. I shove past her, not bothering with much of a greeting. Right now I can't seem to stop entertaining the thought of tearing those shorts off of her and doing unspeakable things. I plop down on the couch with crossed arms, trying not to daze off. That would shut her up. It would make her understand. She'd see that I was better and I'd MAKE her give into me. No snappy retorts, no snarky glares, most importantly, she wouldn't dare ever utter the word 'no' to me again. If only if only... but no. Vega is a coward, or at least I'd expect her to be in that area. Every boyfriend she's had has been disgustingly innocent. Kisses, hair ruffling, and playful tickle fights are about all I've seen from her. I snort, no wonder she can't keep one. Still... I can't stop those thoughts. The ones where she is naked and sprawled out beneath me, panting, out of control and off balance. Just the way I like her. Maybe if I'm careful... I grunt and pull back from my deliberation. If there is one thing I know, it's that fucking never happens according to plan. If it happens it happens. Even I can't put together a plot to get Vega on her back... it's much more gratifying if she give in on a whim anyway.

"Jade? Earth to Jade West." Tori says, waving her hand obnoxiously in front of my face. I grip her wrist firmly and don't let go, my eyes are intense as they rest on hers. "What?" I snarl pointedly. Tori looks slightly unnerved when she can't shake my hold right away, then she moronically glares at me again. "I asked what you wanted to eat and if you were hungry now." I hold onto her for a few more minutes until she subconsciously goes limp in my grasp, then I shove her hand away from me. "Chinese and it's dinner time Vega, of course I'm hungry at dinner time." I snap. It's a lie though, I'm not hungry at all... not for food. Revenge? Totally. Sex? Practically starved. But not food. Of course I'm a sporadic eater. When food is around I nibble on it, but rarely just sit down to eat a full meal. Still, my stomach never growls or complains and I know I'm in good shape, so why bother changing? I didn't want to explain any of that to Tori. Let her order the food and get out of her house. Those are my objectives... I ponder the thought of making 'fuck Tori until she sees stars' an objective. It sounds so good right now and I'm not sure what's holding me back. Ok, so fucking her was totally going on my bucket list at the very least. She makes a face at me, as though she hadn't been expecting my craving for Chinese, but pulls out her phone to make the call. "Uhhh... what do you wa-" She starts stupidly, but I cut her off. "Just order and I'll eat it Vega." I don't even bother to ask what we're getting as she hangs up and sits on the couch opposite from me. Good girl. I'm not too sure I can keep my hands off her. Whether it's out of anger or sexual frustration... I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Her pearpad lights up as her nimble fingers sweep over it and it illuminates her face. With some good instruction I bet those fingers could do so many things. "So, our topic is romance. We're supposed to document distinct romantic gestures and actions then write how they effected us as an audience... great." She grumbles. I stifle a laugh at that. It's not like I hate romance, but it effects me differently that other people. I'm picky about my romance and most importantly, I don't fantasize about it. I never make a big deal out of the kisses at the climax of the movie, or even the occasional sex scene. That isn't romantic. Everyone has sex. Hell, people have sex with prostitutes and strangers. It's not romantic at all. It's something we all do because our bodies want it. ROMANCE is the little things, the micro-expressions, the looks, the tiny gestures, the way two people's bodies always seem to shift toward each other without a conscious thought. That's love, and Beck has taught me that. I doubt Tori knows a damn thing about it... I'm not really sure if I really want to teach her the difference or avoid the subject all together. Couldn't we have had a topic like FEAR... yeah that would be more fun for me.

Tori has popped in some stupid movie by now. A romantic comedy called, "Just Friends" and I can already tell you I hate it. It's about some dude who was fat, got thin because this chick didn't like him, then turned into a dick to get her back. She's kind of a bitch too. Tori won't stop laughing, won't stop smiling, asking me questions and writing down my less than answers. I can tell my one or two word responses are irking her, but she's trying to let it go. Smart move, I'm not in the mood for anyone's attitude but my own. The movie ends and she pops in another while I ignore my waiting food. Three more pass and it's past midnight when she pushes another movie in. The screen lights up as I return from heating up my cold food. Plopping down on the sofa where I previously was. Blue Hearts. I've seen it once, and I'm surprised Vega is watching it... she did see the rating right? I doubt it. The girl lives in a smoke screen of naivety. It's funny how everyone thinks Cat is the clueless one when really it's Tori... I shiver. Cat is anything but clueless. I shove another mouthful of what ever the hell I'm eating down my throat, paying more attention to Tori than the movie. Her face is knitted together in a mixture of emotions. She either loves this or hates it, and I hate not knowing which it is.

Suddenly her head snaps away from the screen and her pearpad shoves up in front of her. My eyes flick to the screen to see a man pummeling into a woman from behind, the camera angle at a front view. This time I can't help it, I laugh. It's pretty loud too. Tori seems surprised, and I'm not sure she's ever heard my laugh so that may be why. "Jade!" She squawks about as loudly as a parrot. I shut my mouth grumpily, my teeth making an audible click. "Yes Vega?" I sigh, tossing the rest of my food on the coffee table. She points to me and then the screen, "You can't laugh at that! They're having..." She trails off, only to earn a raise of my eyebrow. "Having what Tori? I'm not sure what you're talking about." I lie in a very obvious manner and she sits there opening and closing her mouth like a carp. "They're... you can see! They're doing... IT." She says with air quotes. I smirk and watch her face flush, "Having sex?" I say so sharply that she flinches, even drawing out the 'ex'. She looks like she's about to faint as I lean onto my elbows, laying flat on the couch. The only thing separating us is the gap between the two seats. Damn that gap. So short, yet large enough to create distance I no longer wanted. "You're right Vega, that's no laughing matter... but your reaction to it is." I snicker as a loud moan breaks through the room. Tori's pupils are dilated, that's how close of attention I'm paying to her. I doubt my attention is welcome on her part.

She swallows thickly, trying to look mad. "I'm so sorry I'm not a pervert!" She defends. Normally that tone pisses me off, but now it just reminds me to stay calm or I won't get to my goal. So I shrug and roll onto my back, not even looking at her. I have to remain uninterested. "No, -I'm- sorry that you're a prude." I say simply. By her silence I can tell the statement confuses and enrages her. "I'm not a prude! I'm just not a slut! There is a DIFFERENCE!" She practically yells, embarrassment shining through the cracks of her insult. I give her a strangled grunt in response, "Come on Vega, tell me how far you've gone. My guess is about half way to second." I hear her standing and stomping over to the couch, leaning over me. Bad idea Vega, you don't dangle yourself over the alligator's mouth... and I'm oh so close to snapping. She leans over me, wearing her usual sanctimonious attitude but then freezes, like she forgot what she was doing there in the first place. "W-well... maybe that is as far as I've gone!" She stutters, emitting a loud gasp as my hand snakes across her hip and holds onto her belt loop. I'm surprised she isn't pulling away. My face inclines slightly up toward her, arching my upper back as I do and I swear to you I think I saw her eyes flick over my breasts. Some how, and without my knowledge, my fingers are dancing slow and gentle over the tiny bit of flesh showing between her top and shorts. "You're nearly seventeen Vega... you're a prude." I whisper the last part out and slowly slide my hand from her, letting it trace the length of her leg as I go. Looking shaken, she adjusts her top and takes a step back. I physically have to force myself not to smile. The deer in headlights look is just gorgeous on pretty Miss Priss.

"I'm gunna get a drink... do you want one?" She mumbles, stepping away from my languidly sprawled out form. The question is perplexing. Tori never offers to do little things like that for me. She's only offered to do one thing for me ever now that I think about it... and looking back on the situation I don't think she really meant to offer her assistance in the first place. In the end she'd still found someone to fund my play so I'd never thought about it. Why is she offering now? I try not to smirk. She was really on edge from just that? Wait until the end of the night and I'll give you something to be shaken up about. A sudden idea hits me and I try to shove it back down, knowing it's wrong and a little suspicious... but it keeps tickling at my brain, begging my hands to give it a shot. I shake my head, "Nah Vega, I got it... what do you want?" I say, swinging my feet of the couch and lightly pushing her backwards as I walk past. It was like I'd touched a precariously balanced item the way she tumbled back into the cushions of the couch that I was making sure we'd BOTH be sitting on now. I bite the inside of my cheek... this is wrong but hey, it may not even work! It wouldn't be so wrong if it didn't work! "Uhm... I guess peppy cola." She says, eyes wide and very confused. I have to be careful not to spook her any farther.

Her kitchen is easy enough to figure out, but I'm biding time, waiting for her to get distracted. Eventually she starts texting someone, probably Andre' to tell him the miracle of Jade West doing her a favor... or so she thinks. When her head turns I pop the fridge open and grab the cola, pouring it into a glass and surveying the rest of the cabinets. I need to find the one that holds liquor. It's easy to locate (the only cabinet with a lock on it). It's even easier to pick the lock. What isn't easy is finding something I can spike her drink with but not make it disgusting. I would help if her parents weren't drinking stupid shit like peppermint schnapps. I make a face and pull out a bottle of Vodka. Yup, now I'm sure. This is wrong, and I'm going to do it. With a quick glance to make sure she's still wrapped up in her text to reassure me, I pour a little in and take a sip to test the taste. I might be able to get away with one more shot. Fuck I hope the little princess doesn't throw up, that will ruin my mood. Carelessly, I toss the things back where they came from and lock the cabinet back.

She looks up as I stroll back into the room. Her eyes questioning me, 'why did you take so long?' but she doesn't actually say it. "Bathroom." I grunt, answering her silent question. I sound sure of myself, so she seems to believe me. Her hands shake as she takes the drink from me and I can tell she's about to go back to her couch, but we've gone too far for that now. I sit down gracelessly and swing my legs over her lap. It shouldn't really surprise her, the action wasn't affectionate. She seemed to think I simply didn't care enough to give her time to move before throwing my feet up there... when really I'm doing it to trap her. Her face winces as she takes a drink and then she glares at me, spitting it back in the cup. Internally I can feel myself panic, if she's tasted alcohol before, she'll know it's in there. "Jade! TELL me you didn't PEE in this!" She shrieks in a hushed tone, trying to not wake her parents up. I can't stop my laugh from escaping, surely she doesn't think I'm that crude. Whatever, I'm just glad I'm not caught. "Gross Vega! I wouldn't stoop that low... I didn't do anything to your stupid little drink." I grumble with a wave of my hand, sipping a root beer with the other. She looks at me suspiciously and takes another drink. This time she doesn't seem so bothered, "It tastes funny. Does cola go bad?" She asks me with a frown, I shrug because I don't know and frankly, I don't give a shit. By the third sip she doesn't seem to care at all and I know the effect of alcohol is starting to buzz around behind those big brown eyes of hers. I didn't give her enough to get her drunk, just enough to make her fuzzy. A little something to blur the lines a little bit.

Less than 15 minutes later she's swaying in her seat. I know I didn't put that much in her drink so she has to be doing it on purpose. Rocking back and forth in her own little world. Part of me wants to make my move, another part of me feels like shit. I grab my phone and flick down to Beck's number.

_-I spiked Tori's drink- Jade_

I write, chewing on my lip as I wait for his reply. He may get pissed over this, Beck's boundaries weren't as loose as my own.

-_You're serious? How much did you give her?- Beck_

Yup, defiantly mad. I groan and lean back against the arm rest.

_-Not much at all, she was just jumping at everything I did. Like I'm some sort of ax murderer-Jade_

The phone stays silent for a long time after that message, giving my eyes ample amount of time to watch Tori, who is now enthralled in the ending of the movie. I jump when my phone buzzes to life.

_-Jumping my ass. I know what you're doing Jade. This isn't like with Cat. Tori's a loud mouth.-Beck_

Ok, he's getting considerably less pissed and I can tell by the way he's trying to talk me through it. I don't get time to respond before the phone lights up again.

_-Don't get caught Jade. I just don't want you getting caught. You're usually more careful.-Beck_

Now he's worried. Gosh the boy is like an open book to me. I smile, covered by the cloak of my raven hair, as I remember all the reasons I love this man.

_-I won't Beckett. I am careful. I'm always careful... tell me you love me.-Jade_

That last part is for me, just to make sure. I'm waiting for a green light from him to go ahead. If he can't outright say it, then he doesn't want me doing this.

_-I love you Jade. Careful.-Beck_

I nod, he's ok with it. I'll make him more than ok with it tomorrow when I let him in on the details and show him that HE is the one I love. My eyes roam over to Vega as the movie ends and she switches it back to TV. There's a smirk written on my lips. She won't know what the fuck hit her.

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><p><strong>So... Is Blue Hearts a real movie? I don't think so. I know just friends is, and I didn't want to study a movie with a sex scene in it just to write this. Ok, what's running through your brain. Hit me with your best shot!<strong>


	2. I Build Things to Break Them

I don't get a chance to make my move. Tori keeps giving me this weird look, and for lack of a better word, it's totally cock-blocking me. I force the sweetest smile I can and I'm sure it looks more like a grimace. She doesn't notice... I don't think she does. Her eyes are locked on me, every few seconds I loose contact with them while the TV flickers dark. Then I'm graced with the sight again, those big coffee colored orbs. I remember Cat's eyes are what made me start wanting her too. Like bowls of water, I can see every emotion ripple through their eyes as I poke and manipulate them to the shape I want. It's erotic and almost euphoric to watch someone's eyes. To read them like a fucking book... and I love to read.

She looks guilty about something, like I just caught her doing something bad and I'm about to swat her on the wrist. That's stupid, her wrist is the last place I'd swat her. You get the point though. It's almost like a child who thinks they're in trouble. This I'm used to. It's very Cat-like and I've had years of experience dealing with Cat. Yet I can't help the prickling suspicion that breaking Vega will be nothing like it was Cat when it all comes down to it.

"Yes Vega?" I say in a condescending, sing-song voice. She snares her lower lip under her pearly whites and I almost tell her to stop... I hate it when people do that. She speaks up before me though, "Jade... remember you said... I was a prude?" It's barely loud enough to hear. I roll over slightly, just enough to grip the remote and hit mute, then plop back down with an exasperated sigh. "That was like less than 20 minutes ago Vega. Of course I remember." I go with a sweet yet sarcastic vibe. I'm way too turned on to be dancing around like this but her questions fascinate me in an odd, annoying type way... even if I don't seem like it.

Her tiny, bare feet are kicking against the bottom of the couch with little _-thump thump thumps-_ and she is looking up at the ceiling. Her arms are crossed in a slightly defensive posture and I can clearly hear her huffing under her breath like a spoiled child not getting their way. I don't think I gave her enough to drink. She seems pretty sober... and I wasn't counting on her being so brave.

Sassy, spoiled, and pissy wasn't the type of vibe I was looking for from her... but hell, it's Vega and she never does anything right. (By right I should let you know I mean the way I wanted.)"You've done stuff right?" Her tone holds the same notes of disinterest as mine usually does. It doesn't sound good on her though. She doesn't come off smooth, only makes it more awkward. I groan outwardly... things like this are better left to experience and not chit-chat. Tori glances at me, a pink blush hidden by the shadows of the room covers her cheeks, "I know you have, I saw you and Beck in the black box a few weeks ago. His hands were... places." I snort at her tone and the fact I never thought of sweet, perfect Tori Vega being a voyeur. She's leaned forward, watching me too closely, and whispering as if she's telling ME about my own business. I nod, she's right. I've done lots of things, in lots of places, with my fair share of people. "And you're not a prude." She stops to check my reaction, see if she's right in her assumption.

After a second or so I take the bait and offer her a nod, anything so she'll continue. Listening to her beat around the bush (no pun intended) is about as interesting as paint dry. "So... if I do things with someone, I won't be a prude either." She says, like she's trying out the words on her lips. A plan she's hatching just now and the only reason she's asking for my input is because she thinks of me as an evil genius who knows ALL about plan making. I cackle in my own throat. Now THAT is the alcohol talking. Liquid courage. Not that it's really funny. Nothing could possibly be funny about what I'm doing. I frown, "Yep, that's how it works Vega." I don't sound very interested, or like I'm paying attention at all... and in truth I'm not. Is she trying to hit on me? Because the way she keeps licking her lips like that I could swear she's just begging for it. I shake my head and look back at the TV. No, she's just a little fuzzy. I'm sure that's it.

"I don't have anyone like that." She informs me, her shoulders shrug and she falls back into the seat like she's finished talking about it. My studded brow perks up but I don't bother looking over at her slouched body, "Like what?" I hope I don't sound as confused as I really am by her statement. I'm not too sure what she means by 'like that'. Tori looks at me like I'm stupid and I fight the urge to smack her pearly whites right down her throat. Yeah, sing 'Make it Shine' after I do that bitch... She sighs again, drawing my attention. "Special Jade. I don't love anybody. That's why I'm a prude. It has to be special" She grumbles and finishes the drink with a large gulp. I can almost see the liquid being forced down her throat, she scrunches up her face in a tiny wince. Why she drank it at all is beyond me. Told ya she was stupid.

I'm practically guffawing at her statement. It's stupid, awkward looking, and totally unlike me, but I can't stop it from spilling out of my lips like verbal vomit. 'Not helping your plan to bed the girl by laughing Jade.' I scold myself. Control, I need to stay in control. My hand presses against my ribs as I struggle to lasso my laughter and tie it down quiet in my chest where it belongs. Tori's head is tilted at me like a curious puppy. It's possible that she's horrified I'm laughing and covering it up with confusing... but this looks legitimate. Does she really NOT know why I thought that was so funny? I purse my lips together tightly, deciding put her out of her misery by speaking up. "You don't have to love someone to fuck them Tori." I say with a suppressed chuckle, but it sounds a little like a hiccup. Note to self... never make that noise again. I train my eyes on her now, glaring at her with perfected intensity and slight bemusement, "You don't even have to like them. All of that crap is just something people tell you so that you don't get knocked up at 16 but aren't put off about sex completely. There's nothing special about two virgins fucking. It's clumsy and awkward." (At least it was when I fucked Cat)

I pause to glare at her a bit, "What matters the first few times has nothing to do with love and everything to do with feeling good... and learning how to make the other person feel good. You can't really do that if you're a blushing bride now can you?" Now I was leading into it. Just a little more tweaking and she'll be more than glad to let me 'offer to demonstrate' how it should REALLY go.

I'm so close to making my move I can almost reach out and physically touch the idea... but Vega opens her stupid mouth. Her words stop me in my tracks. The wheels sparking against metal at the force of the breaks being applied so sharply to my train of thoughts. Totally throwing me off guard. I decide that really is the WORST thing she could do to me... make me unprepared."What if we did stuff?" She whispers. I shake my head and try to get a good grip, think ahead, plan something... but I fail. I can't do anything but replay her voice in my head. Those five tiny words float around the roam like bubbles, I'm wondering if they'll pop and she'll take it back. How can I think of anything with that hanging over my head? It was so damn quiet and so fucking unexpected and just... amazing. I'd actually made her curious enough to come on to ME! Oh this was gloriously rich. Damn! I didn't even know I was THAT good.

I smirk and sit up, tilting my head, "Tori, no offense but WHY would I want to have sex with you? Like I said, it's no fun fucking virgins." I'm not shutting her down, just shoving her around a bit, keeping her off her game. It's only fair since she did so to me... besides, I need her to understand the gravity of the situation. I'm not one of her stupid boyfriends and if we do this I'll be damned if it isn't MY way all the way.

Tori shakes her head, wide eyed and looking so pliable it almost hurts to not touch and mold her at the moment. "No, you said it wasn't fun for two virgins to..." Her voice trails off. I smirk, tossing some of the onyx tendrils of hair that had fallen in my hair back over my shoulder to expose my neck. She has a point. I DO have enough experience for the both of us. But it really doesn't matter if she has the best point or the worst point in the world. What she doesn't know is that from the moment I poured that vodka in her drink I knew there was no way I was leaving here without fucking her, doesn't matter what she thought or what I said.

My hand pushes back the heavy, thick curtain of black hair from my forehead, and I snag a piece, twirling a blue streak around my fingers. "Fuck. The word your looking for is fuck Vega. F-u-c-k and it doesn't kill anyone if you use it. Honestly, how can I do anything with you if you can't even tell me what you want?" My voice is a little more strained then I'd like it to be, as per usual, Tori doesn't notice. She looks disappointed at my statement, possibly a little desperate. Her lips are parted in silent consideration.

It's like she's almost scared I'll turn her down or something. That doesn't surprise me in the slightest. Tori has always jumped through hoops to impress me. The reasons for her actions I do not understand, but I'm more than happy to exploit the feeling. Her lips twitch in contemplation and for a moment I doubt if she can do this... if I can do this. Beck's right, Tori will be more of a handful than Cat. Cat is more than happy to just take what I give her and do as I say. She never expects more than that from me, most certainly never demands it. Tori may be different. Those thoughts are shoved further under the rug the longer I stare at her.

I slip my legs off of her lap, sitting up straight and slowly drag my index finger along her left arm. It prickles in anticipation, tiny bumps raising up to meet the air, looking for the touch that has already passed by. Something it will learn to do a lot if I keep this up. I try to make my breathing slow, unexcited. I need to make her want it from me, not appear like I'm begging for it from her. My right hand has slipped onto her knee and the fingers and drawing absent minded patterns as they inch closer up on her thigh. Her breath hitches in her throat and I force myself not to freeze.

Here we go, she's going to tell me to stop... now. "I-I want to-" I cut her off, knowing that she is feeling torn. There's fear clearly flickering in her eyes, but also arousal. The added little buzz from the drink is what has kept her calm thus far, but I need to step it up. There is only so much two shots can do for me right now. My hand slides up dangerously high on her thigh and is playing with the hem of her shorts. I'm being as light and gentle as humanly possible for me. "Tell me what you want -_Tori_-" I whisper, my voice is low and teasing, using her first name to get her attention. My heart is thumping like a caged jackrabbit in my chest and my nostrils are flared, catching that oh so familiar sent of arousal. I shouldn't need this to work out as desperately as I do.

She shudders beneath my hold as a let one of my fingers slide underneath the lower hem of her shorts, drawing light patterns across her Latina's flesh."I'm just not... your hand and I think... I think we should..." She trails off as my left hand sweeps over her breast and rests there, palming it in the most miniscule of ways. I try my best to pretend that I don't even notice what I'm doing to her... but her eyes grow even bigger with every movement of my hand.

I lean into her face, angling my head to the left so I can whisper hot, damp words into her ear. "You don't have to be afraid Tori." My hand is inching higher, massaging her taught muscle with experienced hands. Her flesh is warming my cool hands, so hot it almost burns my touch. "You don't have to understand." I let my tongue dart out and barely touch her ear lobe, the very tips of my nail tickling her nipple, almost scratching over it like she has an itch. She's shaking rapidly, tiny trembles that vibrate through my hands. I know she's turned on and even more so, frightened. A little fear never hurt anything though. I know I said I didn't want to be scary but... unlike with Cat, Tori's fear is turning me on. It's not like I can't make her forget about it with in a few minutes..

"Aaaall you have to do is tell me what you want Tor. I'll give it to you." I taunt, my breath against her face, and my body clearly pressed against her side. I can almost taste her. If I just shoved my lips against... No. Control. I need to control myself. As much as I want to dominate her and shove her back down in her place, I need to be gentle right now. I need her to want it a hell of a lot more than she does now or she'll fly the coop. Besides, this is just as gratifying in a way. In a way, Tori IS already giving into me and the thought alone makes me want to moan. Focus West. Focus. One step at a time.

"Tell me Tori, I'll give it to you so, so good. You don't have to worry anything." She's licking her lips over and over, eyes wide and unblinking. I'm amazed that she hasn't started throwing excuses or reasons to NOT do this in my face. More interesting to me is that so far Mrs. Goody Two shoes hasn't brought up Beck once. Wasn't afraid of hurting him. I was the only thing occupying her thoughts and the consequences of hurting a friend didn't even earn a second of her though process. I tell people she's as big a bitch as me, but they never listen. Now you see it right?

Her words snap me back to reality. "J-Jade please." She whimpers almost pitifully. I smirk and lean back, both eye brows raised expectantly. I'm no good with pity and I want to hear her say it. I want those words to spill out of her mouth. She has to give in, has to break. Just little cracks at first. Like asking me to fuck her, they'll lead to the bigger stuff... like crumbling completely to the ground under the weight of my demands. I want her dirty, and ruined inside and out... Just like me. No more Miss High and Mighty.

"Please _-what-_?" I insist, my right hand pinches her tan skin, turning it ghostly white as the blood is cut off for a second, then returning to it's normal color... and surprisingly that spark of pain seems to be what buckles her under. "F-fuck me! I want you to fuck me!" She gasps in one quick breath. I know she isn't that turned on yet, simply relieved to finally get it out.

She's done it, accomplished what I asked of her. When I don't flat out murder her for even making the request, she seems to relax in the smallest of ways. I snicker and pull my head back to look into her eyes. Fear, excitement, longing, confusion. They ripple around my fingers as I tap the bowl of her emotions, showing in those glorious orbs. She's looking for approval and guidance... she's ready and I can see it.

My lips crash against hers, wrapping a hand around the back of her head to keep her still. She flinches at the amount of force but the longer my lips press and flex against her own soft flesh, the more she relaxes and kisses back. This is one area she knows. Something that isn't foreign to her... so I don't dwell on it long. I don't need her comfortable with me. I don't WANT her comfortable with me.

Within seconds my tongue is slipping around her lower lip, poking the entrance to her humid mouth. Her back tenses against me and I move my hand down it, pressing against the area right above her hips. She arches up, I can't tell if she's trying to avoid or submit to the touch... probably both.

My tongue keeps asking her, licks and tiny suckles are starting to turn into grunt filled pushes and threats to nip the longer she takes to respond. Finally her jaw drops down, just a tiny bit, and I can feel it trembling, threatening to snap back into place any second. I play with her open lips for a bit, the tip of my tongue dance around the tiny ringed opening, really I'm in no hurry to shove my tongue into her mouth.

The way she's holding it is far too tense to trust. Suddenly she's the alligator, and I'm not stupid enough to stick my hand (or in this case tongue) right into her mouth. I run one of my hands over her slim side, now resting it at the top of her shorts rather than the bottom, plucking at the waist band as I massage her lower back with my other hand. I can hear little popping sounds as the elastic flicks across her skin with a dull sting. The way I look at it, gators are cold blooded, and when you stick a cold blooded animal in the sun and they get warm, their reflexes aren't as quick. So, if I can just warm Tori up a bit, I'm sure I won't have to be so careful.

My right hand slides under her shirt and splays across her ribs. She's so soft, most girls are, I know it never ceases to amaze me how smooth and fragile Cat's body is. As if on cue, her belly sucks in ever so slightly and expands back into my hand as she inhales a sharp breath. She's holding it in her lungs, I almost feel it swirling around in her chest. It's almost a numbing feeling that washes over my hand as I trace tiny circles around her ribs with the pads of my fingers. Theres a slight tingle to it and I wonder if it's just me, or if she feels it too. What ever it is, I like it very much.

I let my tongue barely dart into her mouth, tasting the alcohol and cola on her, mixed with coconut lip gloss. If I wasn't so turned on, I doubt that would be a pleasant taste. As quickly as I can I pull my tongue back and come up for air. My eyes roam over her face, watching with close attention to her reaction as my hand snakes up her body to feel the very bottoms of her exposed breasts. She's flushed, the skin of her lips swelled just a tiny bit from the kiss, and I can see that look in her eyes, the one that says, 'I can't believe I'm doing this' or more likely, 'I can't believe I'm not stopping you'.

My lips twitch into a smirk as I drag a black nail ever so gentle against the bottom of her breast, tracing it's shape and then moving on to the other. Her hips twitch in response, and she gives me a little gasp of surprise. Whether it's because of her reaction to my touch or the fact that she's so turned on it really beyond me at this point. The only thing I can seem to process is my mind screaming, 'More more more!" And that's exactly what I plan on getting.

I push against her back and roll to my right, straddling her hips now, and effectively pinning her to the spot. There's no going back now. I'm not sure there ever was. She whines somewhere down low in her throat. Her tones are as melodic as ever except now she's my instrument. I'm writing the song, pressing and plucking her strings so she'll make music for me. It's an intoxicating feeling.

My lips are on her's again, pushing her head back into the cushions of the couch as a dominate her mouth. It's easier this time, and I know she was expecting me to do it. Before I even ask, she loosens her jaw, ready for my request to enter her lips. Not wanting to disappoint (yes that WAS me being facetious) I push my tongue against her pink lips, not giving her time to adjust this go around. I let my hand push up between her breasts against her sternum before swiping it over her raised nipple.

As my tongue swirls around her mouth, getting to know every crack and crevice, my thumb flicks over her nipple. Every now and then my nail will dig into it and every time it does she whimpers into my mouth. She's desperately trying to mimic my motions, but I'm changing them too fast for her tongue to follow along. I don't want her following along yet. I didn't TELL her to!

Tori is as oblivious as ever, it takes more than three times of me swatting her hands off of my body to get her to stop trying to touch me. Eventually, I remove both my hands from her and grip her wrists, pinning them against the couch under my knees. She visibly winces at the boney contact but simply looks at me with those big eyes, begging me not to stop.

It's easy to slip the spaghetti straps of her tank top down her arms, or at least it should be. But as my hands pull the thin fabric toward her captured wrists, bunching the shirt down around her waist and leaving her upper body bare to the room, Tori practically screams. My hand flies over her mouth in an attempt to shush her. Her head twists and jerks violently beneath my hand, and I struggle to hold her steady.

"What? What's your problem Vega?" Can she hear the venom in my voice? I sincerely hope so, because I'm pissed as hell. Slowly I pull my hand back, but don't release her wrists, watching her with a killer glare. "I, um, Jade... my parents and my sister are home." She says, tears slipping from her eyes. I won't lie, I'm a little distracted right now, because both of my hands have found their way to her breasts and are massaging firmly.

I can feel her rosy pink buds pricking against my palms as I move her bronzed flesh beneath my fingers. "I'm aware of that Vega, which is why I want to know why the hell you screamed!" I hiss, my right hand pinches down and twists her right nipple. Her head tosses back against the couch and her hips raise on reflex. Who would've thought little Tori Vega likes it rough?

"What... what if-... if someone, SEES-OH ooooh" She fumbles lamely while I continue to abuse the flesh of her breasts. My neck cranes as I bend down to lick and swirl my tongue over them, giving her a nip here and there as my hand reaches around the back of the couch for the blanket I saw earlier, "Then we'll throw this over you. Now shut UP Tori." I snarl, sinking my teeth into her hardened nipple. I can feel her hands claw at the couch, and she whines some more in her throat. I can feel her heat up in embarrassment and excitement all at the same time. There is something thrilling about almost getting caught.

Ok, I'm done with this, as much as I am enjoying playing with her breasts, it's time to break her. I know she's ready. Her body is leaning into every touch. She's panting and bucking her hips subconsciously every time I prickle her with my nails. My lips press against her neck but don't stay there, they continue their decent downward until I'm on my knees and in front of her. My teeth snag the tie of her shorts and her hands twitch at her sides. No longer restrained but knowing I won't be happy if she moves them.

My fingers hook the elastic and pull downward. They don't budge. Probably because stupid Tori won't lift her hips. All she's doing is staring at me in a wide eyed trance. I give her a toothy grin and raise my hand, whacking her thigh hard. So hard my own hand stings. So hard that she winces and I can see her ponder telling me to stop. I can't help but lean forward onto her knees and lick the blushing corpuscles to quell their throbbing.

She gives up. Strike two Tori. I've made another little crack and I don't even have your pants off! Her hips raise up, and I see her strangle what sounds something like a moan and a sob combined. She's embarrassed and I think that's beautiful. With slow deliberation I pull her shorts down to her ankles. What's beneath them almost makes me falter.

Bare flesh. The little bitch isn't wearing any underwear. It pisses me off a bit, just her doing another thing I didn't expect, but more so than that it turns me on. I resist the urge to stick my hand down my own pants. She doesn't need to know that she's affecting me so heavily. But I'll be damned, she really is.

My fingers dance gently around her tender sex as my other hand slides along the length of her thigh, pushing it open wider. There is panic written all over her face, not at my actions, but at the prospect of getting caught. I can't even imagine all of the rushed thoughts flicking around in her head behind those eyes... but I feel the need to shut them up. The more she thinks the worse it is for me.

I plant tiny kisses on her inner thigh, but only near her knees. There is no way I'm letting her think that I'm going down on her. Not first anyway. That'd be giving her way too much power. I'm not here to serve her, it's the other way around. Slowly and softly my fingers find their way inside of that swollen, throbbing flesh.

She's moaning and panting, her chest bobs and bounces as she huffs and puffs for more breath. I smirk and slide the finger up and down her slick crevice, poking here and there. It even just barely slipped inside of her one time. That about sent her crashing down. She had to grab the pillow and bite down to hold in her moan. I yanked it from her though. She would be exposed to me, and if she couldn't hold her moans without hiding herself behind the pillow, then I guess she's going to have some explaining to do when her parents come down.

I push hard against her clit with my thumb, flicking it left and right casually as my teeth skin into her calf. My entire body is begging to be touched, yet I can't figure out a way to play it off so I don't seem desperate as she does right now... and believe me when I say she looks desperate. She's bucking up to my hand every few strokes, back rigid, eyes wide, jaw clenched.

After a few more minutes of toying with her I throw her a bone. My finger pushes against her and slides in easily. Her core flexes around me and unlike Cat, Tori doesn't panic at the contact. In fact, her head falls limply back into the cushions and she arches off the sofa. With the tiniest of chuckles, I start to pump in and out at an agonizing and un-rythmic pace. I know what I'm doing. Making her wait and guess what will happen to her next. There's a chance I'll thrust against her, or maybe I'll give her another bite, I may tweak her sopping wet clit in my fingers, or pull out all together. She can't seem to guess... and amazingly instead of fighting for control, she just waits on me.

Now it should be enough. I should tell her 'good girl' and thrust into her until she spills over my fingers. I shouldn't push my luck... but as usual, I do. This isn't Cat, and little victories aren't enough to keep her tied down where I want her. My finger picks up pace, slipping out and in of her, curling up every time I pull back. It hits her in that particularly wonderful spot and she's panting so hard I know she has to be light headed.

I can tell she's close to the edge, tremors of the beginning orgasm are whispering against my finger and thumb... so I stop. I pull back abruptly (not to mention roughly), dragging my nail across the top of her passage as I jerk it out. Her eyes almost pop out of her head, looking down as I give her clit a little flick, watching her hips jerk. "Jade! Please... oh please don't stop." She begs, her voice is cracking and I know she's close to tears.

I languidly stand up and stick my finger in my mouth, suckling the juices off, watching her watch me. Pulling the digit out with a _'pop' _I wiggle it toward her and sit on the coffee table. "You see Vega," I explain, plucking the top button to my pants open gracefully, "I'm afraid I'm just not in the mood." That's a lie, but it's a believable one. The sound of my zipper cascading downward fills the room along with a pitiful squeak from Tori. My eyes aren't on her though, I pretend I'm not even slightly interested at the barren latina only a few feet from me.

"Good news is," My eyes flick up as I speak, "There are more than a few ways to get me back into the very generous mood I was in just moments ago." I lift my hips off of the coffee table and drag my pants down to my ankles, kicking them off and spreading my legs wide. She doesn't want to look. I can see her swallow thickly, and I know she's nervous and ashamed that her eyes can't be stopped from flicking over my now exposed flesh.

I must admit I'm legitimately surprised by the way she looks at me. It's similar to the look on someone's face when they see a piece of art. No, I'm not down on myself or anything. Plenty of people look at me. It's the way SHE looks at me. Like I'm one of those porcelain dolls grandma keeps on the self. They're beautiful, but you don't know if you're allowed to play with them. Only two other people look at me like that... Cat and Beck alike. Tori's eyes are more so like Beck's though, and that worries me.

Cat always looks at me in a type of silent adoration. Like letting her look at me is a present that I'm giving. It's probably because it took a very long time for me to let her see me naked... or even partially so. I did it because Cat was, and is, a very breakable young girl who seems to have an impact on me that I can't control. Just stripping down to our birthdays suits and fucking right away wouldn't have felt right. We were too young when we started, too young for that at least. To keep us both sane, and help her realize what was appropriate, I kept the pace nice and slow. Amazingly though, for the past year we've had sex I'm always naked and I always let her touch me, (unless we're playing one of those special games that involve her being tied up) and at then end now I always let _her_ make _me_ come too. Yet, every time she sees me naked, there is that look, despite there being no walls between us now.

Tori isn't looking at me like that at all. Her eyes reflect that same loving look at Beck's have. Like he's just so lucky to have me... Not just to look at me. To HAVE me. I don't want Tori looking at me like that. I don't want her feelings and emotions tied that far into me. I don't even want her to like me the way Cat does. I just want to soil her. Like my step mom's stupid dog that pisses all over the floor.

She speaks up, licking her lips a bit. "How?" Her voice cracks, pleading with me, almost like she's ready to do what ever it takes. I'm still a little fuzzy, thinking about her eyes... but I wiggle my finger toward her again, asking her to come forward. "It's very easy Tori. So, very easy." I say, perching my chin on my palm, resting over my knees. She nods, continuing to come closer until she runs out of couch. I lean back and wave my hand carelessly, "Just make me come."

I think she almost fainted, because I swear I saw her eyes darkening. Her face turned into a full flush. "I'm... I'm sorry what?" She stutters. I point down to my exposed vagina. "Ok, let me put this is terms even YOU can't misunderstand." My voice is snobby, implying she's stupid, but just as I suspected, there is no fight left in her. She's taking the derogatory remarks, because I'm cracking her. And she's almost broken too. "You're going to get on your hands and knees like a good little bitch, and you're going to lick and suck and eat me out until I come. Then, and only then, do you get to do the same Vega." I snarl, she flinches at the insults and the hardness of my voice. I can tell I've hurt her feelings... good. Maybe that will drive the point home this has nothing to do with feelings.

"W-with my mouth?" She says dumbly, but I can see her starting to sink to her knees. I snort, "No with your vacuum cleaner! Of course with your mouth!" Now she's on the carpet, she's shaking. "You're doing this to humiliate me." She says in a knowing tone. "Duh. Now get to it, I'm loosing patience." I grumble, using my foot to hook around her shoulders and force her onto her hands and knees. Can anyone say de ja vu? It's like that first day in acting class, only this time, I come out on top permanently.

She gingerly crawls forward, keeping all four on the floor as she approaches my sex. I let my fingers curl into her brunette locks, tugging her all the way until her lips and practically kissing my skin. I mumble a 'good girl', if only to humiliate her more. Now THIS is about power and Tori has finally caught on. She sucks it up, but instead of using that backbone against me, she uses it for me. Her tongue darts out clumsily over my soaked center. I chortle just to rile her up.

I can hear her lips smacking together as she tries the taste out on her tongue. I wonder if I taste anywhere as good as she does. My hand presses her against me again, and this time her tongue darts out a little braver. She's starting to gently lap at me, and I'm hoping I can last long enough to not look disgustingly lame... but it won't be easy. The site of her looking so ashamed and submissive, peering up at me through her lashes as her tongue works me over is almost too much. I'm trying not to think about anything, just feel.

She finds her way to my clit, sticking her tongue between my wet lips fully now and I can feel her lips brushing my folds as she ducks her tongue in as far as it will go. It's wiggling and dancing in a messy manner around my clit, but it's just a little too clumsy and light to give me what I want. "Fuck Vega, can't you do this right?" I grumble, "Lick, suck, twirl, swirl, do something but quit poking me and DO IT!"

She whines against me, sending vibrations through her mouth and straight onto my center... that makes me grunt in approval. I won't moan. I absolutely refuse to moan or look even partially excited. I effect her, not the other way around. Her lips purse into a tight and tiny 'o' sucking my bundle of nerves up between them and stroking eagerly now. That's what I wanted, I nod to her and push my hips a little harder into her. She's looks pleased with herself and for now, I'm ok with that. I don't want her completely put off right now.

She sucks harder, even gives me the lightest of nips, working her tongue earnestly against me. I let a sign out, it feels better than it should. Even I'm panting now, seeing her trussed up like this. Not trusting my voice too much, I reach down and grab her arm, pulling her hand up to rest beside her head. She pulls back to look at me in hesitation, and jumps when I take the oppertunity to slide her hand where her head had been.

Using my own hand, I guide her index and middle fingers down to my opening and push them in. "Thrust Vega." I snarl, taking my own hand away and fixing it back into her hair to bring her head back. I want to feel the warmth of her mouth again. She obediently complies, her fingers gently pushing in and out of my warm sex.

I try not to moan as she curls them up, just like I dig with her, and nips my clit very cautiously. The motion took me by surprise but I bucked up to meet her hand and tongue as she did so. It was lovely. She started sucking again, harder this time, and her fingers picked up speed. It wasn't gentle like Cat or firm like Beck. She was in between. Just Tori. Something all her own that I couldn't wrap my head around.

She gets harder, and I am moaning and panting out my praises like I would to a glorified pet, finding no shame in my writhing hips against her lips. Her tongue is flicking hard against my clit when I stiffen up and have to growl to suppress my moan. Stars irrupt and explode behind my eyes briefly as I arch up and let my orgasm sweep over me like a crashing tide. It hits too sudden, it's hard and it passes a bit too fast, Tori having no clue of how to prolong and orgasm, but for her first time it's satisfactory. (HA get it? SatisfactTORI? No?... What ever)

I stroke her head gently as she pulls back and rests her chin on my knees. We're both attempting to catch our breath, I probably almost smothered her. Her face is red, and wet from where I'd bucked and smeared myself against her, along with beads of sweat from her own skin. "Told you it was easy." I chuckle with a sly wink, practically pushing her off of me. She huffs a bit and sinks back into the couch, a look from me is all she needs to open her legs wide and far too turned on to be bashful now.

Another muffled chortle leaves my lips and I shake off the after effects of my orgasm. Time to show her how it's really done. "I do believe I owe you a little favor, don't you Tori?" I say with mock kindness. She isn't as ashamed as before. Why would she be? I've already degraded her, made her feel stupid, and extorted sexual favors from her with the promise of pleasure in return. I've done it. Tori Vega has officially snapped. Now I just have to make sure she can't rebuild herself.

I sink to my own knees between her thighs, resting on the pillow I'd yanked from her earlier, and drug my fingers back up her core. She's already moaning by the time I make contact and she's still glistening wet. I push my finger inside her immediately and she practically screams, was she expecting me to go slower? Hell no, I've already wound her tightly enough, it's time to let the crank go and watch her gears spin. My finger begins a none too gentle assault inside of her, pumping at a fast pace.

She's almost crying from suppressing her moans, some things take practice. Even after all this time, if I want to come without a sound I have to hold my breath and force it down. I make a mental note to fuck her in a place she can scream for me, I would love that. My thumb pinches her clit and twists it a little, earning a squeal of pleasure from the latina.

After a couple of minutes to adjust to my roughly pounding finger, and only when I'm sure she's ready, I slip a second digit in. "Holy hell you are tight Vega!" I say, more so to myself. I'm a little amazed. I made sure Cat was a lot looser to start adding fingers and toys, but she was flighty and surprisingly Tori is not. Her hands grip my shoulders, and I can see a bit of blood dot her lip where she's biting it so hard. I try to slow my pace and coach her through it. "Easy now Vega. You've gotta breathe deep, make your exhale's hard and long lasting, inhales short. It'll keep you from waking up the entire city with those noises you're holding in." That didn't come out as nicely as I'd wanted it too, but she nods and obeys. Focusing on her breathing and forcing it to level. "Good girl." I praise firmly, and resume my rough thrusting.

Her head is thrown back against the seat and I refuse to relent. Within minutes, she's muffling her noises like a pro without serious physical harm. The girl was a singer though, diaphragm control had to be a natural talent for her. A muffled buzzing fills the room and Tori lifts her head. My fingers thrust harder into her, telling her not to worry about it. They curl against her again and that's all it takes for her focus to resume. My pants are lighting up, and I realize the buzz if from my pearphone. With great effort, I manage to grip the offending contraption and answer. "Talk." It about the best greeting they get.

Beck's voice lights me up, despite me not really being in the mood to talk. " 'ey Babe... everything ok over there?" He sounds worried, and strained. I wonder just how long he's been sitting there fretting that pretty little head of his. "Oh hey,_** -Beck-**_"I emphasize his name, looking up at Tori as I do. Her eyes bulge as though I've just ripped her in two, "Everything is fine over here. Hold on a sec." I say sweetly, really it's not a fake sweetness. I'm enjoying this. I don't stop pressing Tori closer to an orgasm as I turn the speaker phone on and set it on Tori's leg. "Don't drop my phone." I snarl, looking straight at her.

Her body shakes and clenches around my hand and I slow down, not letting her get used to the pace or build up any further. "Alright, I'm back... and great actually. It's on speaker, say hi to Tori!" I taunt. There is the tiniest snort over the line and I know Beck is trying not to laugh. I wouldn't tell Tori to speak to him if it wasn't to humiliate her. Like I said, Beck really isn't so sweet.

"Hey Tori. What's up?" He drawled so casually. I shoved my fingers into her quickly as she went to respond, a loud strangle gasp filled the room. "Tori... Beck said hello. Don't be **_-rude-_**." I said, pinching her clit for good measure. She was flushed red all over and I could see little tears prickle her eyes. She's begging me not to do this to her. "H-h-HI! B-eCK!" She forces out, unable to control her voice.

"You sound a bit breathy, has Jade been screwing with you?" His voice sounds stern, and I could barely keep from busting out laughing at his pun. Tori let out a low cry, tears starting to fall from her eyes, so I gently stroked her thigh and kept my pace quick and hard. The faster she came the faster she got over it. "To be honest babe, I'm screwing with her right now." I snicker, dipping my head down to flick my tongue across her wet opening.

Her body is shaking around me as I build her up, knowing all of the right buttons to push and strings to pull. Beck, being the kinder one of the two of us, helps Tori out a bit. "It feels good doesn't it?" He groans, I can tell he's turned on right now. His voice gets to raw and hard when he's excited... but there is also a low thread of honesty and support. Despite the fact he's enjoying this, he heard Tori crying and wants to help. Every the hero.

Tori gasps loudly, "You know?" She says too quick and way too loud. I scold her with another harsh smack to the thigh that rings through the room and the phone line. Now Beck can't hold back his chuckling, "Jade, try and be gentler, she'll welt." I can tell he doesn't really give a damn by the tone of his voice. Tori's hips were now riding my hand and matching it's force. She didn't seem to mind the slap, so I do it again, harder. The latina's nails grip into my shoulder as she arches off of the couch and I can hear Beck laughing in earnest at her squeals.

"It's get's worse the more you don't listen Tori... oh and in response to the previous question. Of course I knew. She told me before she ever started. Didn't ya babe?" I grunt, not having been paying much attention to him, more so to pounding Tori senseless. She's so so close, just a few more seconds. "Suuuure did." I said smoothly, not feeling so flustered now that I've come.

Beck grumbles something I can't understand and I hear his TV turn on. "Alright. Just calling to check in and make sure it's ok... sure sounds ok. You're ok RIGHT Tori?" He says humorously, there's a rustling in the background. Tori moans and sobs at the same time, and I can feel it washing over her. "JADE!" She screams far too loudly, only to have my hand press over her mouth and my fingers push her harder. She's repeating my name into my hand over and over, her screams are muffled as I push her harder. My fingers spreading and scissoring her a bit as I thrust, and my thumb nail prickling her clit harder and harder. "Oh yeah... you're just fine." I hear Beck snort, "Babe, where's that movie from last Christmas?" He's speaking loudly so I can hear him over Tori's noises. Her hips are shaking out of control as her walls collapse around me and her juices gush out all over my hand. "Under your bed, far left." I snicker, reminding him where he left the video tape I made of me and Cat fucking for him last Christmas. "Love ya babe." Was all he said before clicking the phone off. I smiled, "Right back at ya." and the line was dead.

With three more thrusts, Tori literally collapsed and I pulled out of her. She hasn't stopped sobbing since Beck called. And as the time passes I have to admit that worries me. Perhaps I pushed it a little. She may not have been ready for ALL of that. I'd only planned on doing her, not humiliating her by making her eat me out or confess she's being fucked while talking to my boyfriend. Even for a smart girl like Tori, that's a lot to grasp.

I sigh gently, picking up her shorts from beside me and putting them on her limp legs. She flinches, and I know she thinks about crawling away from me, but I've broken her far too much for that. So, she lets me slide her shorts back on and then her top. She babbling how sorry she is and something else I couldn't give two shits about as I put my pants on. My original plan was to leave her. Who cares right? Well unfortunately I do, and I couldn't just do that to her. Don't ask me WHY.

I gingerly pull her up and take her up the stairs to her room, damn her family sleeps heavy. The room is white, with red calligraphic flowers drawn over the walls and I wonder if she painted it herself. It certainly was lovely. She sinks down willingly into her mattress and curls up into a ball, watching me through her tears. I know she expects me to run now, and trust me I want to. This is what Beck warned me about... Tori would be a handful. But, I suppose if I'd put this much time and effort into her already then I may as well keep her the same way I did Cat. Yes, I'm fully aware of how sick that sounds. Besides, with some proper experience the girl could be amazing in bed. So I guess our little trio is now a quartet. Ew... remind me never to call it that again. I hate quartet music.

Slowly, as to not freak her out, I slide in beside her, whispering gentle encouragements in her ear. Telling her it gets easier, that she was so good, and even that I was proud of her. My hands stroked her sides until she was silent, and I didn't stop talking until she began to agree with me. I stayed curled into her that night, humming to myself and stroking her until we fell asleep, trying not to think. I could handle this. No problem. It was just ONE more. Yeah, totally. I can handle this... right?

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><p><strong>OK! Claps for ME! This is the longest single chapter I've ever written. I'm sorry if that pisses you off but... what ever. I like long chapters. I don't know why it took me this long to write this. My mind is like, two chapters a head in the story so maybe that was my issue. Anyway, I'm not the greatest at sex scenes, so most likely I'll come in and tweak this over the next few days or weeks. This is only like the fourth full sex scene I've ever written and only my second time writting in first person since I was like... five. I'm comfortable with third, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Are you really still reading this? Wow that's nice of you. You get a pony. In fact, take my mother's! I hate him! He's a mean little bastard! Alright, I'm feeling a tad bit better about this story, getting more secure in the style, in case anyone cares -_-'<strong>

**Thanks to those that reviewed! I was going to post this after I got four reviews but I only finished it today... and by that time I already had five! This is a big deal for me XD becuase I never really wanted much feed back on my writting before I started fanfics. I was all 'I'm a good writter and I don't have all day for your comments!' but for some reason it's different now. Perhaps because it's a story and not poetry. Damn I get touchy over that shit. Alright, I was supposed to be thanking the reviewers... did any of you get that from this paragraph? What you want me to SAY thank you? Don't be so needy geeze... ok fine. You've twisted my leg, thank you! Please keep them coming! I love your input!**


	3. My Way You Say?

**Again, pay no attention to the bold font. It's just my rambles.**

**BTW I haven't posted this on this story yet, and I'm going back and doing it on all my story chapters within the next few days.**

**I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS... but if Liz Gillies wants to perminantly take on the role of Jade and come live with me, I'm so for that. Anyone wanna pitch the idea for me? No? Fine. Whatever. I DON'T NEED YOU ANYWAY!**

**Soooo apparently my spell check didn't work running this through the first time... so I'm giving it another shot... peice of garbage. (Can you believe I didn't swear there? Good me!)**

**I'm uncomfortable with this and I'm not going to lie. It's very different and a little on the trashy side to me. So why am I writing and posting it? It won't get out of my head. I have to put it out there just to purge the thoughts and get back to my other story. My head is kinda wonky (I got this cool doctor's note for it and everything!) BUT BUT BUT! There is a bright side. This, and the possiblity of a threesome/foursome is just about as extreme as it's going to get. Wow... did I just say that? I swear I need more therapy. Anyway, this only has three or four more parts and it was supposed to be done by THIS chapter... but ideas won't quit coming to me. So SOMEONE CUT ME OFF! XD Okok for real now. Onto the story.**

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><p>TORI<p>

Jade isn't anything like you think Jade is. Not really. I mean sure, she's mean and bitter, looks really scary from the outside in. Those things are easy to pin point... but beyond that, Jade is so much more.

When I first came to Hollywood Arts, I thought of Jade as one of those layered people. Like Shrek or something. I thought that if I could peel back those layers that underneath a would be a real beating heart, something I could befriend. It was always important that I be friends with Jade... look at her. A HA veteran, knows just about everything there is to know about acting, her voice is good enough to floor anybody, she can write, even direct. Everything about her just screams perfection, so of course I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be good like that. That's the only reason I really stuck around when she treated me so badly. Hope that one day, if I could peel away those layers, she'd teach me to be just like her. Minus the bad attitude and the goth clothes.

It's really different now. I don't think people understand Jade. I surely didn't before now. Jade isn't a cake or an onion or a parfait; Jade West is an underground labyrinth. There's nothing to peel away. No layers to shed. She's a combination of twists and turns, trap doors and giant blades that swing on ropes that will cut you if you don't time your approach right. Her walls are so thick that it doesn't matter if you scream, no one can hear you and her floors are a rough cobbles stone that you're left to walk on barefoot. With every step you blister and scrape and pray to God that a snake or a spider isn't hiding in the dark ready to bite and inject it's poison. Because Jade only gives you a teeny tiny match to see with.

I'm not sure WHY I went into the maze that is Jade West. I know when I was like eight, I wanted to be like Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. I would dress in shorts and a T-shirt, tie my sheets together and make them into a rope. Then I'd climb over the couches and chairs, even lasso my dad or if I was lucky, Trina. How do you think I learned to tie such great knots? Oh crud... please don't tell anyone I told you that. It's like super embarrassing...

Back to Jade though, I guess that adventurer in me wanted to dive in and explore, or maybe I was so wrapped up in trying to peel away her layers that she lured me in and slammed a boulder over the door before I could get out. Either way, Jade's maze... sucks. Yeah you heard me. I'm not having the fun Lara or Indiana Jones seem to always have. I'm just running around like a chicken with her head cut off, desperately trying to find the center of the maze and I'm not even sure WHY.

Part of me wants to believe that when I get there, to that hidden heart chamber, it will be piled high with treasure. The treasure being loved, which I crave from her more than anything right now and she refuses to give. Another part of me doesn't want to find the center, it wants to find the exit. That part is sure that there is no treasure awaiting, just a big snarling beast, waiting to devour my soul. There's no heart. How could JADE have a heart? Not with what she's doing to me.

We've been having sex for over a month now. It was so hard at first that I wasn't sure if I'd make it all the way into the maze before dropping dead. My heart pounded and clenched painfully in my chest with emotions I didn't understand. I begged her to explain it to me. She had to KNOW. She had everything together! Still does. Every time I'd ask though, I was met with very harsh words and if we were in private (which means we were most likely having sex) she'd slap or spank me somewhere. Never on the face, she told me once that hitting on the face has nothing to do with sex, or punishment. Told me it was wrong and she'd never do it. I don't understand, because the welts she's made on my thigh hurt just as bad.

Jade tells me a lot of things I don't understand actually, but I pretend like I do so that she's kinder to me. I remember the morning after our first time, she was awake before me in the morning, shoved a long list in my hand, and told me she was leaving. Her list, was just a long string of numbered rules. I couldn't touch her first, I couldn't flirt with her or hug her, we weren't an item, a few other miniscule things I don't feel like explaining and most importantly, at the bottom of the page the words, "NEVER SAY 'NO' TO ME AGAIN IN ANY CONTEXT VEGA!"

Confusing right? What was worse, was that it was a school day and I had to pretend I wasn't sore inside my heart and all over my body. I remember fumbling through the day, doing my best not to even look at Beck because I was so embarrassed. He was so 'sweet', trying to talk to me. Yeah right... Beck was being a gank. He was taunting me and I had no clue why. But a whole new world was being opened up to me.

Having sex with Jade was like putting on glasses and seeing the world in 20-20. The world I knew wasn't so pretty once those fuzzy edges were crisp and sharp in this new light. Beck WASN'T that nice. In fact, he's more than a gank, he's a dick... and I don't say that word often. Sure, he can be a nice guy, and there have been times he's tried to talk to me for the sake of helping me through it, but I swear he's doing it just to laugh at me. I asked Jade and she shrugged, telling me that it was possible he was doing it for that very reason, but that he may very well be trying to help. She'd always laugh when she said it though. The couple has an odd and twisted sense of humor.

Surprisingly though, instead of trusting me less with Beck, Jade trusted me more. She didn't even seem to CARE if I talked to him. I was getting more put off to the idea because of his behavior but it was amazing to me that if I wanted to, I could go up and swing my arms around Beck and Jade wouldn't even blink my way. It was like I was in some weird little club, and now that I was in, there was no reason for her to feel jealous. Jade told me once that Beck was hers. She says I'm hers too. She's so confidant that she won't loose him to me, because SHE has me. Are you confused? Good, because I really REALLY don't understand. Most of the time I end up going to Beck about it, but when it comes to Jade's jealousy issues, I try to keep my mouth shut.

Now Cat is a totally different story and I don't know WHAT is going on there. Gosh I'm saying that too much, 'I don't know! I don't know!' it's like my new life motto. Unlike with Beck, Jade won't let me hang around Cat hardly at all. Cat listens to Jade, she always has, but I can tell she's very sad when Jade randomly shoves in between us at lunch, or interupts a private converation. It wasn't that blunt and obvious at first, but over the weeks that's just about how bad it's gotten. Cat and I have grown apart and it's killing me. Right now I need friends. Jade is about the only company I have... and it's driving me nuts. I need not Jade friends. Simpler ones.

But I can't quit the raven haired actress. Jade is like cigarettes (well I wouldn't know because I haven't tried them but from what I've HEARD she sounds a lot like them). She's addictive. So addictive and you want more and more. I swear if she were cigarettes, I'd be poor from how much I smoked. I'd be one of those chain smokers, with two or three hanging from my fingers, puffing with all my might. I can't help or stop how much I want her... or how much she means to me. Despite how she treats me (which is a little better than a glorified dog) I cling to her relentlessly.

Ignoring the bite marks because she tells me I'm pretty. Looking the other way when her hand comes down harshly because she tells me I'm a good girl. Ducking my head and taking her biting words because she always comes back and says 'I'm sorry'. Yup, Jade can apologize, and she does it quite often. I'm pretty sure it's a ploy though, just to get me to forgive her and crawl back into her hands so she can swat me again. I love it and I hate it. The pain even makes it a little more exciting.

Today, I'm more tired than usual. It's Monday, and I haven't quite gotten over Saturday yet. Saturdays are our days. Me and Jade. The week days belong to Beck, and I don't know what the goth does on Sundays, but all Saturdays in my life are reserved for her... I learned that the hard way. A couple of weeks after we started I told her I had a date on Saturday, she snorted and continued scissoring lightly at her hair, "Yeah, I know. I'm coming over." And poof, just like magic, my date with one of the hottest guys who's ever asked me out was canceled. He never called me again either... I think Jade had something to do with that too but I have no proof.

Jade was insatiable in the very least. Not just about sex, but about getting her way. Yes, surprisingly we did not spend all Saturday have sex. It would happen mulitple times, and never when I expected it, but most of the day was spent listening to music or watching movies. The girl was incredibly lazy... but don't let her know I told you that. I'm sure that'd be the end of my sex life... and possibly my life in general.

It wasn't an unusual day with Jade, but I was much more tired this time. Of course, I don't sleep very much and my eating has been off. I think people are starting to notice... which is bad. Some how I think that if Jade found out her favorite toy wasn't polishing it's painted coat and oiling it's gears right... she'd throw a tantrum that could rival any four year old. So I try not to let her notice, which is hard because she's almost always near me. Her and Beck, looming over my head like a dark cloud.

I sigh and slump against the bathroom wall, my eyes weighing down. If I could get a few more hours of rest, I'd be really great actually. "Tori... Why are you rubbing the wall with your bottom?" Cat's melodic tones flitted into my ears and invaded my thoughts. Cat. My eyes snap open to stare at the red head. Her eyes are patiently waiting for answers that I don't have. "I don't know, just drowsy." I mumble, sounding too snarky for my own good. Cat tilts her head and I can practically see her gears turning. She isn't as dumb as people make her out to be.

A tiny gasp leaves her lips after a moment, there is something accusatory and knowing in those eyes. I am really frightened to even THINK about what she knows. What would Cat do if she knew I was screwing her best friend? Does Cat even know what sex is? Is she old enough in the head to understand? See, this is why I can't sleep, my brain just won't turn off. "Tori... Tori we need to talk." She whispers very gently.

The tone of her voice shoves me over the edge and I fall to the ground crying. I've been waiting for someone to CARE for weeks now. Every emotion and feeling I have is disregarded. I never get to talk about them and if I do, the only response is, "You get used to it." or "It'll pass." Jade doesn't seem to care about anything. I feel slender arms tangle around my shoulders, and a tiny hand rubbing my back. "It hurts Cat." Is all I can think to say... and it's true. There is this blinding white pain that sears me every time I shut my eyes... and it's all Jade's fault.

It hurts so much being so confused. It hurts to not be able to talk about it. It hurts to feel so much and know that those feelings mean so little. I cry harder into her pink sweater. "It gets better Tori..." She says stiffly. I go from sobbing to wide eyed staring in less than a second flat. "What... gets better Cat?" I say very slowly, scared of what she may say. Cat shrugs her shoulders innocently but doesn't smile, "She does.

She gets better with you after a while." I know -she- is Jade. Does Cat know? HOW? I feel my breathing start to escalate and Cat drops from squatting to sitting on her knees. Her hands fly out in front of her and reach for me. "Tori don't freak out." She begs... but I can't help it. Cat too? No, no this is CRAZY! If I can't understand this than how can CAT put up with it? "CALM DOWN?" I shriek, wincing as it reverberates off the cool tile walls. "How do you even KNOW why I'm UPSET? Tell me what's going on!" I rush in a panic.

Instead of loosing her mind on me, Cat gives me a sympathetic hug. "I can't tell you if you're screaming Tori." She mumbles, looking a little afraid of me. I try my very best to settle down, but really... WHAT THE HELL! There isn't enough air in here... at least that's what it feels like. This one shred of kindness after a month of suppressing emotions has thrown me through at loop and now I'm even more confused than before. A darkness flicks over the redhead's eyes and then she smiles at me, squelching my worry, "I mean, I know Jade is mean to you sometimes but after a while she gets nicer. I know it bothers you how she's never nice." Either Cat is a really amazing liar... or she's telling the truth. I sigh in relief. Cat isn't a liar. I don't even think Cat knows how to lie. Besides, like I said, no way she could handle this.

I sigh and push my head against the wall, "I don't get why she's like that Cat." And it's true, I don't understand but I'm mostly just saying it for Cat's sake. So that she'll forget my odd, paranoid behavior or not suspect anything is going on. She looks and me and swings my hands around in the air, letting me think for a bit. This has to be why Jade doesn't want us hanging out. She's afraid I'll slip and let Cat know. It would probably kill poor Cat to have to explain everything. I sigh, maybe it's for the best that I follow Jade's none too subtle hints and stay away from Cat... at least until I sort myself out.

Cat's opening her mouth to explain something as the door shoves open and there, in all of her dark glory, is the Mistress of my Misery. "Cat I swear if you're in here playing with the soap I'll-" Jade's face is contorted in anger as her eyes flick from Cat to me, and then back again. Fear was gripping at me in the most uncomfortable way. Jade had already made it known she wouldn't hesitate to hurt me... and that was over the little stuff. Not over practically spooning with her best friend in the girls bathroom. I try to put some distance between us, but the redhead has my hands and won't let me leave. "What... the hell... is going on?" Jade says slowly, approaching us much like a cougar on the prowl. Deliberate, achingly slow steps. Heel-toe-heel-toe.

"Nothing." Cat said in her very simple way. I could see her smiling up at Jade, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. They were dark, and challenging. Did she have a death wish? Looking at Jade with such confidence, like she was daring her to do something. I was surprised when Jade's glare softened and she jerked her head to the left. "Go on to class Cat. I need to talk to Tori." She said with that bored expression, perching up on the sink. Cat gave my hands one last squeeze and let them go, bustling from the room and down the halls without a second glance at me or Jade. The door shut with a silent hissing of air and Jade turned the large dead bolt into the locked position. This was it. Goodbye world, you really were lovely while I was here.

"Damn Vega, open your eyes. You look like I'm about to stab you to death." Jade says with and honest laugh, she's leaning against the door now. I frown and dare to peek up at her. "To be honest I thought you were. You said you needed to talk... then locked the door." I say with a half hearted yawn. Jade is fooling with a pair of scissors and stops to look at me, "I do need to talk to you Vega and I locked the door because I prefer to keep my conversations private." Her heavy boots thumped against the ground as the got closer to me, crouching down in front of my slouched body. I try to rub my eyes in an attempt to not look so sleepy close up.

I hear Jade's bag thump to the floor but I'm too focused on her face to see it happen. It's so passive and emotionless. Like her skin is white canvas, and the face is simply painted on by some amazing artist. Beautiful, but frozen. In that moment I wonder again if Jade can have any REAL feelings. Deep ones ya know? Because right now, those green eyes look devoid of any and every thing. She breaks eye contact to reach for something in her bag and drops a small bottle into my hand. "That tastes like shit... just so you know." She grunted, pulling back and plopping down onto her butt across from me. I look down at the little container, it's one of those five hour shot drinks that boost your energy. If it tastes bad why does she think I'll drink it. I snort inwardly, because she isn't asking. She's telling me to. Just in a round about way.

The seal cracks as I twist the lid off and throw my head back, taking in as much as possible.(Which was only like half of that nasty bottle) It tastes like cough syrup, energy drink, and fake grapes rolled into one horrible liquid. I'm sputtering and practically hissing at the taste... of course Jade is snickering. "Told ya... but hey, I need you to actually stay awake during our conversation." She says as I chug back the other half of the vile liquid. When I'm done I toss it over her head and straight into the trash... she looks partially impressed. Her brows raising to the top of their reach and I swear I hear her mumble, 'nice shot.'

I drag my hand across my mouth and suppress a gag, the stuff really was terrible, "If you're going to yell at me about Cat, I didn't tell her anything." I swear, trying to sound as cautious as possible. Jade makes the weird scoffing noise at me, something between a huff, a snort, and a chuckle. There's a half smirk pricking at the corner of her lips. It turns into a full on predatory gleam when she realizes I'm starring bluntly at her.

"This isn't about Cat. It's about you practically dropping dead from lack of sleep, and Beck swears I'm making you starve yourself to death. He won't get off my back unless I do something about it." She turns her head away in a hateful pout like I'm not supposed to hear what she says next, "I told him it wasn't my fault and you'd get over it but WHATEVER." I barely hear a word except, 'whatever'. She leans back and props herself up on her elbows, crossing one leg over the other and blocking most of her from my view, "You have like, three more seconds before I get bored talking about your petty issues and we do this my way."

Now Jade is very literal, but I knew she wasn't really going to cut me off like that. Before I could talk about what was ailing me though, my stupid big mouth spoke for me. "What's your way?" I ask before I can clamp my hand over my lips. Stupid stupid STUPID! Jade gives me one chance to talk and I get distracted? REALLY? It's not like I've been waiting to do this for the past four weeks! Oh wait, YES IT IS! I hate myself so much right now. My head falls back against the tile with a hard thump. Ugh, she does this to me. Makes me all discombobulated. It really irks me at times. To know that I can be totally sane one second and then a big bowl of mush the next.

Her leg raises up like a curtain to reveal a shocked and devious expression, "Really Vega? I thought you'd go all tears and feelings on me." Her foot slams down against the tile, echoing loudly through the room, and she pulls herself up to face me again with relative ease. I hope she's not waiting for me to say something... because I've got nothing. She studies my face, lips pursed, then a wide grin breaks out all over her face. "You really wanna know?" Her voice is way too happy. It's only that happy when... oh crap. I gulp, blinking rapidly, and clench my thighs together, trying to ignore that ache. No. That's what I'm going to say right now. N-O that spells no and I'm going to tell her she better talk to me or this is over! My mouth opens and I have to force the word out, "Yes." Wait what? NO! That's not what I meant to say... but I can't take it back. I hate my libido...

Jade turns back to her bag and starts to riffle through it. I'm not sure how she finds anything in that giant mess she calls a messenger bag. There are papers crumpled and sticking out of the top, and I doubt she has one text book in there... that just seems like too much effort for her to carry around. Finally her hand pulls back, holding a small black box, shaking it around in front of my nose. "I bought this for you." She says proudly. I think I passed out for a second. Jade bought me a present? My hand doesn't reach for it, I'm too scared to. I'm not some big math wiz... but Jade PLUS present can't EQUAL anything good for me. I simply sit there and tug at the bracelet on my wrist, trying to distract myself.

The actress's face drops from excited, to a little put off. "I -_**said**_-, I bought this for you... don't you want to open it?" She snarls, shoving the box into my hands. The look on her face is deadly, and I curse my stupid mouth for the millionth time. "Yeah... sure." I whisper nervously. Like a toddler who just got her way, Jade's face lights back up as my hands slip the little black lid open and my face contorts in fear. I wince, expecting it to be a big spider, or snake, or maybe even anthrax. Anything potentially lethal. But opening the box. I can honestly tell you I have no clue what I'm looking at.

It's a tiny purple, rubber circular piece, attached to four straps, and inside of it looks like a computer chip or something. My finger loops one of the heavy duty nylon straps and I pull it up in front of my face. "I love it." I lie, my voice flat as I fiddle with it. I'm too confused and focused to pretend. Honestly what IS it? Why would Jade give me anything? Does it hurt? (**Probably**) Does this mean we're something more now? Ugh, so many questions. I guess I'll start with the first one, "What... is it?" I ask finally, setting it down across my lap. Jade makes a motion for me to stand with her. Her fingers going to my pants as soon as I'm standing straight up, barely giving me time to balance before jerking them open. "It's my way of fixing your personal problems... and enjoying myself while doing it." She grunts, pulling my pants around my ankles. From her back pocket I see her grab a pair of scissors and flick them open. They are too close to me for comfort. I don't mind a little pain but she is NOT cutting me.

I slam my back against the wall, about to speak up, when she grabs my thigh and glares. "Don't freak out, I'm not going to prick that pretty skin of yours. I'm just going to..." She trails off and slices my underwear straight from me, tossing it into the trash. "JADE! I liked those!" I whine, slamming my fists back into the wall in exasperation... _Ouch_. She shrugs, "I'll buy you some more some time or something. (That's a total lie and I know it.) Spread your legs." Her nails pinch at the skin of my inner thigh, prodding my legs to spread as far as the pants around my ankles allow. She holds out her hand expectantly, and I drop the odd contraption into her cool palm. One strap is secured around my waist and then one strap around each of my legs, and the last strap (that is attached to the weird do-hickey) attaches from the front waist, through my legs, up my butt crack and then secures in the back. It isn't very comfortable to wear. The purple thing is pressed hard against my clit and I'm starting to wonder if this is something I should be letting her do.

Still having no clue what it is, I'm left to draw my own conclusions. If it involves Jade making me do what she wants, and her having fun... I'm pretty sure it's going to shock me. Before I can contest though, my pants are being pulled up and secured. "There! Now I can get Beck off of my case. Glad we could do this the easy way Vega." Jade says, litterally patting my crotch, turning on her heel and heading for the door. "Wait!" I call after her, but don't move. I'm too scared whatever this thing is will hurt me if I do. "What...how does this... JADE! COME BACK!" I'm screaming at her head as it bobs out the door and down the empty hall way. Her hand waves nonchalantly in the air, "I'll explain later Vega. Get to class will ya?" And with those words reverberating off of the hall, I see no other choice than to get to class.

Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt when I walk, or sit down. It's a little uncomfortable, because I'm not used to it, but at least it hasn't shocked me yet. I've been wearing it a little over an hour and the contraption hasn't done a thing. Part of me feels stupid for not having a clue what it is, I've always been a little... clueless when it comes to sex. My parents don't really like to talk about it, and I really REALLY don't like talking to them about it. And Trina? Gross. I doubt anyone could stand her long enough to have sex with her anyway. Hmm... I wonder if she's still a virgin. It wouldn't surprise me, but it'd make me a little proud of myself that I'd gotten something first. It'd be one thing she couldn't brag about to me. I can't say a word though, Jade would murder me and have Beck dump me out in a desert some where. I don't think bragging rights are worth having my dead body munched on by buzzards.

There's a smog over Hollywood today. It's not all sunshine and searing heat for once, a light drizzle breaks out every few minutes... so it's beyond me why none of us are eating in the cover of the building. Habit maybe. We're all so used to the Asphalt Cafe that rain nor shine can keep us in. I don't mind it too much though, the cool air keeps me lively, along with that nasty drink Jade gave me, and I feel surprisingly energized. I order a salad and slide into a seat by Andre, we're quickly joined by Robbie. He's arguing with Rex about something, making me forget my worry and my appetite. There's something about Rex that makes my stomach turn. I've tried everything to get rid of it or look past it because Robbie's a great guy (Deep DEEP down) and he's my friend. Telling him I hate Rex would crush him. So I pick at my food and try to wrap myself up in a conversation with Andre, hoping my appetite will return before Jade gets here and gets angry.

By the time Jade, Beck, and Cat are seated at the table, I've forgotten about my lunch and more importantly, the contraption on my waist. Andre is playing his keyboard, and that always seems to make me swell with happiness and forget the world. Of course Beck just has to open his mouth and ruin it. "Are you not hungry Tori?" He says, legitimate worry is etched into his face, and he's glaring at Jade every few seconds. I chuckle and shrug in an attempt to play it off, "Yeah totally I just... forgot about my food." Wow... that was possibly the worst lie ever. I stab a piece of lettuce and slowly bring it toward my lips as the rest of the table seems to turn their attention else where. That's when I feel it. A weird, pulsing vibration against my clit. Before I can stop it, I scream and drop my fork.

By now the entire table is looking up with wide eyes and slack jaws, even Jade... but her reactions seem a little fake to me. "What's wrong Tor?" Cat says in a rushed panic, her hand is reaching out toward mine, like grabbing me will fix my aliment. The vibrations aren't stopping, they are getting stronger, and my eyes flick over to Jade. I can't seem to swallow or think or breath. "Maybe she swallowed a bug." Robbie suggests, poking my side. I flinch slightly, scared that if he touches me he might feel it too. Jade simply composes herself and raises a brow at me, expecting an answer. So THIS was her plan? Attach a vibrator to me and embarrass me in front of every one? HOW does that help at all?

"Yes. I u-mmm- uh I... I swallowed a buu-ug. Ew." I fumble horribly over my words, trying to mask the mounting pleasure as it sweeps over my body. "You're really sweaty... are you sick Tori?" Robbie asks gently, his tone dripping with concern. I give him a shaking nod and fake a smile. I'm trying not to moan as I shove my straw in my mouth, desperate to give it something to do besides make noises. Just like that though, the vibrations are gone, and I let out a loud sigh, rubbing my thighs together in irritation. I'm glad that it's gone... but I want it back. While embarrassing, it felt good. "I'm going to get another coffee." Jade grunts, slinging her legs around and getting up from the table alone. I want to follow her so badly, so I lie yet again. Weaving myself further into the web. "Um... I need to go get something else to eat. I can't eat bug food." I say, tripping as I stand. My legs are still shaky from the pleasure.

I go to the garbage by the coffee stand, glad that no one is in ear shot. "What was that?" I snarl, pretending not to look her way but chancing a glance now and then. She's leaning against the counter, shoving money into the dispenser and lazily dumping sugar into her cup. "What was what?" She asks in the faux sweet mocking tone. I don't even bother telling her that I don't talk like that, I just glare and pretend to be too preoccupied with my phone to head to the grub truck. "Oh you mean back at the table when you said you ate a bug to cover up the fact I stuck a vibrator on you?" She pauses and I just know that stupid smirk is all over her face. Why do I feel so angry right now? "Jade!" I snarl in my most hateful tone, wanting her to know how angry I am. She brushes past me and discards her trash into the can I'm standing by. For some reason my anger seems expected to her.

"Interesting. Do you always throw a fit when you don't get your way?" Now she isn't hiding the fact we're having a conversation, but looks really casual about it. I look up with an annoyed glare. In that moment I'd like nothing more to say something nasty like 'you're one to talk!' but as usual, I keep those words trapped in my throat. Her shoulders shrug and she kicks off of the pillar she's been leaning on. "You said you wanted to do this my way, so there you go." She pauses, and when I don't seem to catch on she goes on, "I'm going to do this all day." Her hand swipes over her phone a few times and then deliberately and roughly presses down on the screen. The vibrations start up again, and my legs almost buckle. I have to grip the trash can for support. "Pull it together Vega." She commands, pressing the button on and off just to agitate my poor sex more, "If you're good, and you take care of yourself right. Eating and all that chiz, at the end of the night, before you go to sleep, I'll finish you off. That should make you tired enough to go to bed. Hell of a lot better than a story isn't it?" She chuckles, starting to move away from me and back to the table. Her foot freezes in mid air and she glares over her shoulder, "Don't even think about taking it off or finishing yourself before I say. You won't be a happy girl if you do." A fake smile crawls over her face for a split second and fades into a frown as she stomps away. I groan as I feel the vibrations start again. How am I going to live through this week?

The rest of the day is... bearable... ok not really. Jade is driving me INSANE! Every time I try to do something or talk to someone that deliciously horrible monster in my pants starts shaking away and I loose total focus. Heres the run down of my day in a nut shell.

Lunch: Make friends think you're a bug eater

Improv Class (Sikowitz): Get kicked out of alphabetical improvisation scene because "AHH" is not an appropriate response to "Do you want fries with that?"

Theater History: Almost come, Jade stops and is seen laughing with Beck in the back of the class.

Break: Drop books on my toes a total of three times.

Hip Hop Vocals: Try to sing one note, fly up an octave and just about shatter the windows.

By this time you're wondering, 'why didn't you just skip?' right? Well, Jade told me to be 'good' and I'm assuming skipping classes AND play rehearsal isn't considered good behavior. So, I struggled through classes and the most awkward family dinner of my life (I will never look at spaghetti the same way again!) then headed straight for the shower. Being a bit clever myself, I thought I'd attempt to get some peace for a few moments and pulled out my phone to text Jade.

_-I need to take a bath-_Tori

I'm hoping that she doesn't tell me to 'rub some lemons on yourself' or 'stink it out Vega'. Both would be gross... but I really wouldn't put it past her. She'd just avoid me until Friday night, tell me to take a shower, and pretend she's done nothing wrong.

-_Alright, but remember to let mommy supervise and don't forget your floaty rings... oh and wash your no no parts.-_ Jade

I glare at the phone. Now I'm not sure, but it for some reason... I really feel like she's mocking me. Just as I'm about to respond my phone lights up again.

_-What the hell Vega, I don't need to know everything about you. Leave me alone.-_Jade

My first reaction is to get mad, but that can't possibly end well for me. She already sounds pissed... so she must be with Beck and I'm disturbing her

.

_-I just don't want to break your little toy you put on me.-_Tori

Part of me wonders if she's having sex, because it's taking her a long time to respond. I push down my jealousy. Something that is getting harder to ignore the more time I'm with Jade. I want her to myself, even though I know it'll never happen. I don't know if I can think any differently though. Being with Jade is like being possessed by a demon, you know it is bad for you, probably cares nothing about your feelings or well being, but you fight like hell when someone tries to take it out of you. Beck is my exorcist, whether he's trying to be or not. Pulling Jade away from me while I writhe and snarl like a mad woman, desperate to have more of her. My phone buzzes just as my clothes are fully stripped.

_- Ok 1 that is your toy. MY toy is you. 2 it's water proof. Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?-_Jade

Of course. Of course it's water proof because Jade thinks of everything! I get no control over the situation. Not even a moments rest! I groan in frustration and turn the tap on for a nice bath... one that never comes. I about drown washing my hair because of her. She lets me get so close too! It really isn't fair. Just as I feel it coming, and my insides clench and my eyes close, she jerks it away. If an orgasm is like seeing stars, then Jade lets one bright little light blaze beneath my eyes and then blows it out before any more can form. I'm left in the dark night, panting and writhing against the side of the tub. By the time I'm done, I can feel warm, wet tears slip in frustration as I try and rub my thighs together and summon control of the device. Just a few more seconds and I would have been THERE!

The water has gone cold by now and I get out, cleaning the mess I've made on the floor from bucking my hips around, and throwing on a large night shirt. It's ten o'clock... usually when I lay down for bed.I doubt I'll be able to sleep, my skin feels like it's being prickled with a thousand tiny pins. Not enough pain to stop the wanting, but enough to make it unbearable as I toss and turn. She leaves me alone though, not giving me an ounce more now that I need it more than ever. I consider doing it myself. How would she know? She doesn't have cameras in my room (I check often and I doubt she cares that much anyway), she isn't a mind reader. So what's stopping me? I'm not sure, something along the lines of fear and shame. I've never touched myself before, and I've been taught that it's dirty and wrong. Mom says you'll grow hair on your palms, dad says it makes your teeth grow too big for your face. Sure, it sounds silly but when I think about it... it makes me nervous.

The buzzing of my phone snaps me back to reality. I really don't want to roll over to get it. Most likely it's Trina, who went to a party tonight, calling so that I'll bring her something she forgot. I doubt she cares about my throbbing clit or the tiny tremors in my thighs from a day of being brought to the edge and pulled away. Trina doesn't care about a lot besides herself. Sure, she tries, but the narcissist in her doesn't allow it. A tiny beep tells me it went to voice mail before the screen light dies down and I'm left in the blackness of my room. I tell myself if I just focus on sleep and not my libido I'll be fine... Score two for libido, because I can't sleep for the life of me. That constant throbbing and the fact my phone is buzzing off of the hook again won't let me drift off to dream land. Well... cell phones don't have hooks, but you get the point. I throw my pillow over my face to shut out the noise. It dies down again, but I don't remove the pillow. Hopefully Trina's gotten the point and will leave me alone. For the millionth time that night, I close my eyes... but of course now I hear the obnoxious loud ringing of the house phone going off. After two rings the annoyingly high pitched tone dies abruptly.

Not minutes after a dull thumping can be heard against the wood of my door. If I was a less patient girl, I think I'd have hurt someone right now. Between the constant ache betwixt my thighs and the noises in this house I swear I'm going to go postal! "Tori... " My mom whispers, though it's beyond me why. I grunt but I don't think she heard me. "Sorry Jade. She's alre-" "Give me the phone!" I practically shout, sitting straight up in bed. Mom screams, the phone hopping around in her grasp like a hot potato. "Victoria Vega! You almost scared me into an early grave!" She scolds, thrusting the phone forward with a frown. I mumble a quick apology at her back as she exists with an Oscar worthy sigh.

Suddenly I don't feel so well... I'm starting to think that maybe it wasn't Trina calling me. I sneak the phone up to my ear, almost like she's about to hurt me through the receiver. "Heeey Ja-" She cuts me off, "You ignored my call." Her voice is deathly low. I don't even bother lying to her, I'm far too flustered to pull it off. "I-I-I thought you were Trina." I whimper out. I really hate sounding so pitiful to her... but it's like I can't help it. My body is totally subservient to the goth on the other end of the line. I can hear her grunt, "Well, I guess I wouldn't pick up the phone then either. Can your parents listen in on this call?" See? I knew it, I knew this wasn't going to end well. If she doesn't want my parents listening it probably because it's something horrible. "We have two house phones and one of which has been lost in the post apocalyptic world that is Trina's bed room... poor thing never stood a chance. So no. They can't hear anything over the phone... but they are still awake."

"Then I guess you're going to have to be more careful this time Vega. While your performance in vocals was just darling, I think you're parents may be concerned about the noise." She drawls, I can hear snoring in the background. She must still be with Beck. Does she sleep there? I can't help but wonder. I know her mother annoys her at times, and she's convinced her dad hates her... so it's very likely. The thought makes me burn "Noise from wha-aaah" My voice strangles in my throat as that devilish contraption comes to life, silently fluttering against me like a trapped butterfly. "Told you if you were good I'd take care of you, and despite that lovely performance in improv and at lunch, I think you'd taken it like a pro." She snickers as she talks, like she's just heard the funniest thing ever. Yet her voice is so low and seductive... I don't even think she's trying to sound that way. I remember our conversation from earlier about why she even put this thing on me... with all my agitation I'd totally forgotten about it. I'm very surprised she isn't spitting mad over my forgetfulness.

I let my head fall back into the pillow, panting as the vibrator beats zealously against me. She couldn't just let it be though. She couldn't let them stay at that hard, jarring pace that was certain to make me come in moments. That would be too nice, too selfless. If there is one thing about Jade when it comes to sex, she is extremely selfish. The hard vibrations are fading to gentle, sporadic pulsating... no where near enough to toss me over the edge I've been dying to dive over. "It's not a free ride Vega." She instructs at my groan of anguish. "Simple solution is, if you want more that what I've giving, then help it along." I gasp loudly, my teeth digging into my lip. The tips of my fingers twitch in anticipation. I do not want to do that... why can't the word 'NO' just come out this once. She's already extorted so much from me... why can't my body reach a limit where I can ignore the pleasure for the sake of the dignity she so enjoys taking away. I do believe it's what turns her on the most. My shame. "Come on Tori, it's very simple, just stick them in and thrust." Her voice is the same one you'd used to a toddler or a stupid person... and I shouldn't be this used to it. Those taunts shouldn't turn me on and twist my gut the way they do. But there are a lot of things I shouldn't do that I've been all over lately. Most of them involve hard, lesbian sex. Why not add 'being treated like shit turning me on' and masturbation to the list?

"Tick- tock Tori. If you don't tell me what's going on then how can I help you?" She lilts, and I cave. My shaking fingers prod at my entrance and I'm slipping two of them in before I can stop myself. It's easy enough, Jade does it quite often. My fingers aren't as long as hers, the nails aren't as big, and they're a bit more slender, but it still feels good. "Ok." I manage to puff out, hoping it would be enough. Hoping she'd spare me, let me finish my business, and go to sleep... I should know though, Jade doesn't understand the meaning of enough. "Ok? Is that code or something? Tell me or I'm hanging up." Her voice hasn't once raised above a whisper, but it sounds so harsh. My fingers twitch inside my heated center, feeling my own body pulse around me is an odd and arousing sensation... one I can't help but feel ashamed for. I'm used to it though, sex with Jade always comes with shame. Like I said before that's just how she prefers it. "My fingers are inside of me." It's as crass as I can possibly put it, and I can tell she's pleased when she says, 'good girl Tori'. I'm always Tori when we're having sex and I'm doing a good job. If she's upset with me during sex, or any time in public, I don't even have a first name to her.

The vibrations steadily increase, I can now feel them through the walls of my vagina, jumping around above my fingers. Without thinking I slide the slender digits in and out in a minute rhythm. "How many fingers Tori? Move them like I would. Do it for me." Now her voice is louder, unable to whisper in the raw condition it's in. I moan silently, "Two... and I am moving them." She quickly takes the opportunity to taunt me, "Two? Already? Aren't you a bold little thing... No. Not bold. Just slutty... wouldn't you say?" There's that faux sweet tone of hers again, mocking me openly. "Tori, I asked you a question." She hisses when I don't answer. The pulsing between my thighs is starting to be too much. "Yes! Ok? Yes it's slutty! I'm a slut. Is that what you want to hear?" I snarl into the receiver, bucking my hips off the bed subconsciously. Jade laughs and I almost come from the noise. It's a rare sound. Low, yet feminine and full of breath. "I wasn't looking for all that, but hey what ever gets you off huh?" She says, cranking the device up to high. "Harder Tori. Fuck yourself already I want to get to sleep."

Like a well oiled machine my arm lurches into action at the simplest command. I thrust awkwardly into myself, feeling the muscles clench and searching for something that feels good. It's not that I feel bad, but it's nothing like when Jade puts herself inside me. She can find these places that set me off like a bottle rocket, sparking and flying high. I pump away, in hopes I'll find that feeling if I try hard enough and think of her. Whining loudly, my hips snapping up and down on the mattress, and there is nothing I can do to stop myself... I can't control it. My chest feels like it's tightening up, like my whole body is pressing through a tube, or being contorted into some odd shape from the inside out. "Oh...J-Jade." I moan quietly, with the intensity of my hand, paired with my hips bucking like a bronco and the vibrator working away at me, I feel that all too familiar tension pick up fast. "Harder Vega. Don't hold back!" She barks into the phone, pushing me closer and closer. My arm is cramping from the intensity of my thrusts and my knuckles are turning white on the phone. "Ohhhhh, oh ohhhh." Is about the only thing I can say, imagining her between my legs, shoving into my core without mercy. The thought makes be about twice as wet, my muscles seizing up around my hand, almost like my sex is sucking my fingers in.

"That's it Tori. You're there, let it happen." Her tone softens, and I can barely hear her. The orgasm washes over me hard, my body jerks frantically against the sheets, pressing the vibrator harder into my clit and giving a few more thrusts I arch up and dive straight off the cliff. My body erupting in a fit of flames, burning hot and flaring up and down, it sails through that high. Like I'm being thrown through the air. Legs are shaking and pried wide open, my fingers are still inside of me and the vibrations won't quit. They won't let me calm down. I can't stop my hips from bucking, and I can't tell Jade it's too much. No doubt she already knows anyway. If I open my lips I'm sure I'll scream in a mixture of agony and pleasure. My teeth gnash together, fists clawing at the comforter as the fire grows and grows.

I'm dizzy, spinning around now, unable to keep my mouth shut. I practically smother myself with the pillow, screaming full heartedly until my lungs are bled dry. It's too much. It's too good. It hurts, I love it. Spots are dotting my vision, hips still relentlessly tossing against my hand and the vibrator. I'm panting now, light headed, I shout a muffled, "STOP IT!" to Jade through the pillow, but she doesn't hear... or doesn't give a damn. I sure as hell hear her though, "Sweet dreams Tori." She says, clicking the line dead. My body stiffens completely for a few seconds and I let out another breath taking scream before it's over. The blackness swells over my vision, and I pass out.


	4. Kitty Got Claws

**Ok, first of all, sorry about the length of this one. It's an important chapter so that you understand the ending of the story when it finally comes. I'm already started on the next one. If you're only concerned about SEX, you perv, then I suppose no, this chapter isn't important to you at all. FYI most likely, this story won't turn out like you think it's going to. ;)**

**Second, I'm very sorry to anyone who has a problem with my gramatic use, or the mistakes in my stories. So, I went looking for a beta. Unfortunatly that got old really fast. Everyone's profiles made them sound much less than friendly, and normally I'm ok with that but... Idk it felt weird. Most of the profiles said stuff about bouncing ideas off of people, working on flow, helping with plots, dialog, ect ect. Don't take this the wrong way if you're a beta reader but I really don't want that. It's my personal opinion that the writer should be the one to do all of that on a regular basis. If for some reason you need help every once and a while with those things I understand, but for the most part I feel like if I were to ask someone to help me write this story it wouldn't be MY story. All I need is someone to help with grammar, spelling, and see spots where I haven't made sense. I couldn't really find anyone that fit that profile so, this is it. These are my stories and I really hope you like them and they make sense. I do re-read them and correct mistakes as I see them but I do it on my own time and usually they are already posted by then in an attempt to not get stagnent in my writing. I'm very sorry if that bothers anyone, it's not my intent, but unless anyone wants to offer to do only the things I posted above, than this is how it will remain. I can only work on perfecting my proof reading as time goes on. Trust me, I've gotten better than I used to be. So sorry about length, or anything else in this chapter that bothers people but it is what it is. This will be the last time I adress this issue in an authors note. If you have a question leave it in a review or a pm and I'll get back to you scouts honor (Not a scout but whateves... wait does not being a scout discredit my saying scouts honor? WHATEVER! I promise to get back to you!)**

**Finally, I didn't write out a scene where it actually SHOWS Jade using the vibrator on her, and now I realize that's confusing. This chapter was already written but I will be adding onto the last one to avoid confusion! Sorry about that guys!**

**Much love! LLC**

* * *

><p><strong>JADE<strong>

Have you ever known someone who is just annoyingly smart about things they shouldn't be? Yeah, that's Cat. You totally don't expect it by looking at her or listening to her speak, but it's true. Sure, she doesn't know jack diddly squat about math, she can't build a rocket or format an English paper in discernable script. But damn it that pesky redhead always seems to know when I'm up to something, even when I'm not in the mood to tell her. It's like a fuckin' sixth sense or something.

To be honest, I'd rather it be Beck. Rather him tell me to stop, or that I need to straighten up. I can deal with that because it's pretty common dialog between the two of us... but it's different with Cat. Beck is constantly reminding me to behave, or scolding me over stupid shit. Like that thing with Tori. He isn't scared of me, sees what needs to be done, and speaks where no one else will. Cat is a totally different ballgame (I hate ball games.)She rarely tells me to not do something, never challenges me or tells me to do anything I don't want. It's happened a few times though... and it kills me. Her pretty little face turns and twists in an angry contortion of sadness and disappointment... and it kills me. It kills me to disappoint her.

It's because she thinks so damn much of me! It's not fair either. I've done nothing that great for her, besides the sex stuff, we're just friends... yet she always thinks I have a solution to every problem or that I'm a genius in my own right. So unlike Beck, who I can glare at and be countered with a disappointed scowl, I can't bring myself to look at Cat's disappointed face. It's a face that's almost akin to the expression she'd probably give me if I just flat out smacked her (and I NEVER smack Cat). A look that makes me want to crawl into a hole, grow a mustache and a beard for a couple of years, and when I finally come out move to Mexico. THAT is how bad one little look from her can screw me over. Logical solution? Avoid her like the mother fucking plague.

I've been doing pretty good at it since I started screwing with Tori. Only because I feel bad I haven't told Cat I'm screwing with Tori. Though I'm 99 percent certain she knows exactly what I'm doing. Every Sunday since this started with Tori, Cat has been eerily silent... something that just doesn't happen with her. We'll sit on my bed against the wall, her head tucked into my chest, and watch movies that I won't even repeat the names of for reputation sake... that's it. She hasn't come on to me in weeks. I know I'm taking it out on Tori too. Being less careful than I should, pushing her limits day after day without rest. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that Cat will still respond to me if I try to initiate some action. That's quickly getting old though... because I don't like it.

Cat has been the fire starter, so to speak, for the last few years of our life. You've got to know just how much trust I have to put in someone to let THEM try to start up sex with me. It's a lack of control and I don't just give that out like candy on Halloween. I do it because I don't want to over bare Cat. If I treated her like I do Tori, always demanding and expecting sex, I have a feeling she'd feel cheap. I don't give a damn how cheap Tori feels... but Cat is my best friend. A girl who up until recently would skip over in the hallway just to poke me on the shoulder and say something stupid like, "Love ya!", or call just to sing a new song she just heard, or tap on the window of my car in the parking lot to say, "Hey pretty lady, headed my way?". No one else dares do that to me. It's suicide for them but coming from Cat, it's like blood in my veins. I need it.

"She's flaky." Beck told me with his signature shrug this morning. I hate admitting it, but he has a point. Cat's about as stable as the tide. She washes in and rolls out. Sometimes her waves crash the soil and others it's a gentle soaking. Still... she's never been flaky about THIS. About US. Then again, I've never been so dishonest with her about something this big. And I swear it's that damn sixth sense letting her know I'm keeping secrets. I don't know why I'm trying so hard when it's pointless and obviously hurtful... but do you think that changes me? Nope. I'm a stubborn old mule.

To make up for my horrible mistake, instead of talking to Cat like the big girl I am, I've spent the last three hours tormenting Tori. When I gave the vibrator to her I was being honest, it was solely to help her get over her pity party. Not eating or sleeping is dangerous shit and even though I didn't show it, Tori had really scared me going all nutso like that. For the past week, it's worked. Not just because Tori wants to feel good, sure that helps, but in reality it works because I'm keeping her from thinking. Every time I see that far off look in her eyes, I bring her right back with a flick of my finger. That sort of power is intoxicating for me... and physically exaughsting for her. So she eats and sleeps normally, because I give her no choice, I drain her like a sink.

It's not that bad... she seems happier. At least to me she does. I'm not really great with other people's emotions. Beck doesn't like to talk about them, and Cat's are easier to read than a billboard with neon, flashing lights and bold font. So I don't have a lot of experience deciphering Tori's weird little hissy fits. All I can see is she isn't as brave and snarky. She's still peppy, and annoyingly perfect... so yeah, she's probably doing awesome or what ever.

I flick the button on my phone to 'off' and power the app down for now. I've been doing that since four this morning and it just now hits me that Tori is probably in desperate need of a break. If I were less proud, I would admit that it makes me feel bad when I do that. Instead of helping, I've spent the last 40 hours kicking Tori about like a bitch. If I weren't proud at all, ya know one of those normal people who can accept their flaws, I'd tell you I wish she'd stand up to me. Instead of letting me kick her little ribs until they break. NOT literally of course. Hell, what type of monster do you think I am? I'm just saying that I should have given her a line. Somewhere she can see clearly that it's ok to back off or tell me to do so.

The tap makes an odd thunk as I slam it on and stick my hands under the scolding water. Public bathrooms are so disgusting. If I could not pee for six hours straight, then life would be easier for me. I use the upstairs teacher's bathroom most of the time because it's cleaner and I don't like being disturbed when I pee. High school girls are really stupid about that. FYI, nothing in your life is important enough for me to be forced to listen to you because I can't get off the shitter. Yeah, stop that. I'll take my waz in piece thank you very much. Besides, the teachers here are terrified of me so they never say anything to me while using or about using their toilets. Even Helen. After my little short film that poor woman can't even look me in the eyes. I haven't really done anything to get into major trouble though... so theres a chance she'll get on to me when it really counts.

I don't hear the door open, but I most certainly hear the dead bolt 'click'. I glance up at the mirror, dark chocolate eyes are reflected against the shining surface. Arms crossed over her chest and brows set down firmly over those pretty eyes, Cat is clearly furious. She's standing rigidly in the corner and I'm not sure if she's trying to muster the courage to stomp over here, or forcing herself to be still. "What are you doing?" She growls lowly, looking into my eyes in the reflection.

Trying to be coy, I shrug and turn on my heel, smiling at her softly. "Not a clue what you're talking about Kitten." I say with a slight smirk. Usually that makes her melt into me and forget her anger... but Cat isn't amused in the slightest. "Oh, so it's not bad enough you weren't telling me at all but now you're just going to lie?" Her face drops from angry to hurt in less than a millisecond. Tears are forming at the corners of her eyes, her hand covering her mouth. I deflate immediately. Every bit of my coy, snarky, confidant attitude is flushed from me in one blink of an eye. How could it not though? She's CAT and hurting Cat is just... wrong.

I groan and run a hand through my hair. Only she can do this to me. "Cat... I wasn't trying to upset you." I say, trying to make my voice as gentle as possible. Though I don't know why, there's nothing you can do to stop Cat's moods once they're in place. She has to run through them or calm down herself most of the time. So I guess I am being nice to keep from making it worse, which is something I have an astounding talent for. A hand swipes over her eyes messily, "Well for someone who isn't trying you're doing a great job at it." Her voice comes out like a hiss, full of breath and even a little malice. Mood swings are this woman's specialty. She's back to anger again.

I don't say anything... I'm not really sure what I can say in a situation like this. It's not like she gives me long to think of anything before she goes off on something again."What was so hard about telling me this?" She whines, stamping her heel into the ground with a pointed 'click'. It takes just about everything in me not to stomp out the door and pretend this conversation never happened... but I don't because I need her. No doubt I've broken some form of her trust, and while her trust is easy to gain back, I can't stand to loose it in the first place.

"I don't know... I thought it would upset you. You're not big on sharing Cat." I point out, taking a step closer to her. When she doesn't step back I feel secure enough to close the gap between us. Her arms wrap loosely around my waist, those big coffee colored eyes staring into mine in an attempt to understand something she couldn't put her finger on. It's true. Cat doesn't like to share. She never says anything to me about it because she is used to the way things are. "Does she love you?" The redhead asks after a while, her tiny fingers playing along my spine like they would a piano. I shrug my shoulders, lips pressing against hers in a quick, uncontested kiss. There is this weight that is ever so slightly being lifted away. Something that only happens when I come clean about a lie or hidden aspect of my life to someone I feel bad for keeping it from. The more I talk, the lighter I feel.

When I think about it... I'm not too sure what Tori thinks of me. I've never really asked and she's never even tried to bring it up. I DID tell her we weren't an item, so maybe she took that as my way of telling her not to express herself to me. The more I think about it... the less I care. "Does it matter?" I grumble, still so close to her lips that my own brush against hers as I speak. It doesn't matter to me. I've tried to make it very clear that I don't have feelings for Tori. Not like... big ones anyway. Maybe some shallow concerns about health and wellness, but that's only because I don't want to get in trouble too... right? All this talk about feelings is giving me a headache.

Cat pulls back from me with a frown and I find myself missing the warmth of her chest against mine, "Of course it matters Jade! Tori is a person and she has feelings!" I hate it when she scolds me, it's like being told off by a four year old. That sounded much more demeaning than I meant for it to... but you get my point right? It just feels weird to have someone who takes orders from you turn the tables. "Kitty, I don't even like Vega. Why would I care about her feelings?" There is a strong whine to my voice, I'm trying to convince her to just let it go. Of course it doesn't work. Cat gasps slightly and bucks her hips against mine, pushing me backwards a bit. "Then maybe you shouldn't be having sex with her Jade... or doing what ever it is you are to make her act so odd in class. You can't just mess with people Jadey, it's wrong and you're better than that." She drops her hold on me and turns away to look in the mirror. Her hands drag across her hair, fixing an imaginary problem in an attempt to ignore me.

I let out a loud, un-lady like snort. She's insane. I've proven a million times over that I'm no where near better than that. This is something she should expect from me by now! And yet... Cat always expects the best, even if she always gets the worst. "First off, no I'm not. You should know by now that nothing is beneath me." I drawl, watching her reflection as she combs through those red locks with tanned fingers. The look on her face says she doesn't believe a word I say. "Second, you know Tori was a pain in the ass! You told me just a few months ago that she thought way too much of herself and that got on your nerves! Well... I took care of it. You're [welcome]." By the time I'm finished I'm talking through clenched teeth. Cat isn't afraid though, I've never given her reason to fear me and I don't plan on it now. With a heavy sigh I attempt to deflate myself from getting too pissed, "If you're upset I'm screwing her I assure you it's consensual and [promise] it won't take away from our time together!"

She turns and slams her tiny hands onto her soft hips. Hips that I miss touching more than I can possibly convey to you. Her face is a combination of exasperation, and anger. "Is that all that matters to you? Getting her to do what you want?" Her hand flies up to cut off my response, "For the love of God don't answer that Jade... and shame shame! Do you honestly think I'd accuse you of raping Tori? Or be jealous of you after all this time of sharing with Beck? I know you'd never take away from our time! I know you love me!" Before she can continue on her tangent I step up, my words can't seem to stay in my throat any longer. "Then what is your problem? What are you acting so weird!" I say, throwing my hands up in the air and pacing back to the door.

Cat's little chest is huffing in frustration, features gnarled in acrimony. "Because it's wrong! I know that no matter how many times I tell you it's wrong to use sex to bring Tori down you won't listen, so just forget that! But even without that, everything about how you've handled this is wrong for me! You've kept this from me and so has she! I thought you guys were my best friends! I waited, I didn't even try to have -sex- with you in hopes you'd get bored, start talking and it'd just spill out! I can't even be around Tori with out you going all wack-o doodle! You guys know I've been a great friend but neither of you trusted me! Maybe from Tori that was ok but from you! I just... I'm really angry with you! Because I've been good and you know it!" Her hands are waving through the air, and the shiny droplets of tears she refuses to shed are sparkling in the corners of her eyes. She paces back and forth as she speaks, frantic and frustrated. The words are rushed and mumbled together so fast I barely hear her whisper out the word 'sex'.

She turns toward the door and starts to march forward, like she could possibly just run off and escape. My hand manages to wrap around her arm just as she reaches the heavy barrier from the bathroom to the hall. Her fingers sweep over the dead bolt, but I give her no time to twist it before pulling her back and wrapping my arms around her. Part of me wants to just break down and cry... but I won't do that to her. Even if I feel like scum, and trust me I do, crying won't show Cat that I'm sorry... only that I'm weak. I take a deep breath, inhaling the cherry blossom sent of her hair and holding it in my lungs until they burn for more air. "That wasn't what I wanted at all Kitty... I'm so sorry." My lips press into her hair, hands stroking her stiff back. With each caress, I feel that tension fade and her body presses further into mine. "Come on Kitty... forgive me." It's a gentle command, because I'm too scared to ask. I don't think I could take it if she didn't. Her head nuzzles against the crook of my neck, laying miniscule kisses against the flesh, "Fine... but no more secrets. Promise." I pull back with a smirk, "Deal... I think it just may be more fun like that anyway." She flashes a smirk of her own, eyes clouded with lust. My knee prods at her legs, separating them as my hand pulls her closer. Taking the hint, her lips connect with my collar bone and start to kiss and suck, hands roaming my body. "Can't wait until Sunday?" She whispers.

No, I can't. I've been waiting for this. For things to be normal with us again. "I've never been great with waiting... and we have other plans for Sunday." I say, kicking the door open to a stall and shoving her carefully against the wall. My body pins hers down. The more I think about the rest of this week, the more excited I get. Yet again, Tori's feelings aren't even taken into consideration.


	5. The Golden Rule

**Ok first**** let me say that this chapter is really long... and really REALLY sucky. I've never written a three way scene XD Esspecially not with a male in it. It was totally new for me and I didn't rock it at all... and I'm not saying that so that you'll compliment me. Regardless of what anyone says I litterally wince as I read over how quick and completely without flow this chapter is despite it's length. **

**I COULD have made this into two chapters or maybe three, but they would have been short, and choppy, so in an attempt to save myself, I wrote 10,440 words in chapter body alone. Get a drink cupcake, unless you speed read like me, you'll be here a while. OH chapter 3 has been added too. You may wanna read it **

**To my reviewers as always thank you! And to the two people that offered to beta for me thank you thank you thank you! E-W if you're wondering why I didn't send this to you for beta reading one: your adress wasn't showing up because this site apparently hates other websites and two: it's Thanksgiving hollidays! I wanted to get something posted and I didn't want anyone bothered with interupting their holliday. **

**I DON'T own Victorious. Even though I've asked God AND Santa for ownership rights this year... God likes Dan S a lot more than me -_- don't think I blame him.**

**FYI COOKIES TO PEOPLE WHO GET THE TITLE XD YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!**

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><p><strong>JADE- THURSDAY<strong>

Beck isn't a jealous guy. I know it's obvious but I thought I'd say it anyway. If that annoys you... bite me. But I don't give Beck much reason to be jealous, by the time my weekend (which is now consumed by Tori and Cat) rolls around he's ready for some time alone in the RV. The phone conversations and texts are more than enough to hold us off until Monday, when the whole cycle starts over again.

It's a fucked up version of the circle of life. Monday through Friday I love and only pay attention to my boyfriend, Saturday is filled with torturing Tori, and Sundays Cat's parents are gone to visit her brother up at the special clinic he's been held at so naturally I 'watch her' because her parents think I'm an angel in black. Thank God for that clinic though. If I can go off point for a second, let me tell you that Cat's brother is the most horrible creature ever spawned. He once thought Cat was an intruder in their own home and hit her over the head with a mirror. Asshole could have killed her. She wound up on my door step, holding a box of dye and a head wound saying "Look how pretty this color is Jade!"... Sometimes I hate being the only sane person around here.

Anyway, I started telling you all this to let you know that through the week, I make it a point to have sex with no one but my boyfriend. That makes things easier. Keeps everything and every one in their designated place. And it's not an especially difficult task... for me. Beck and I have sex often and I won't lie and say it doesn't excite me. He's good... like, really amazingly good. We've learned each others like and dislikes, and we have a regular, normal sex life. That sounds boring... but I swear to you it isn't, or at least, it wasn't. Not until recently at least. It's not that I'm bored with him. You see I have this thing about me that once I get an idea for something it doesn't leave my head alone until I act on it. This ONE particular idea is screwing up my entire sex life... and it's HER fault!

Tori is messing things up for me. Like my coffee against the white linen table cloth in the mornings, she's constantly staining my thoughts with irreversible splotches and questions. Most of the time it annoys me, and sometimes it manages to turn me on. It's not really her fault either. She seems to understand the rules pretty well and goes about her week as best she can with a vibrator strapped between her legs. No, it's not her fault that I can't get my mind in the right place. Really it's not even HER that I can't stop thinking about. It's a certain thing I'd like to do to her that keeps nagging at me... but even for me it seems a little low. I don't know how much more pressure I can apply to the brunette before it flattens her against the pavement like my cat after that car got him. The out come of this situation and that of my road-kill cat is so similar that it's comical. See, I remember that mom said I couldn't play with Mr. Scissorpaws since he was dead, but she didn't stop me when I tried to do so. I sat in the street and probed the bloody mess with a stick...it got old fast. She was right, he wasn't any fun anymore. And just like a flat cat, a flattened brunette won't be much fun to play with either... not to mention a hell of a lot harder to bury in the backyard.

I shake the thoughts of murdering Tori from my head and turn my attention to Beck. His eyes are glued on the hockey game that's on. It's one of his most annoying hang ups. I don't see why anyone enjoys watching this game. It's bad enough on TV, in the warmth of Beck's RV, curled on a comfy couch... I'm not sure how the people in the cold ass arena do it. To be fair though, I don't think I'd hate the game as much if Beck didn't totally ignore me when it was on. Now I know he doesn't mean to, there's just this thing with men. All of them are obsessed with playing with balls and sticks... even their own. Even before I started dating Beck I knew that. My mother and father weren't so private with what went on behind their door. So I knew little things about men far before Beck started doing them in front of me. Never the less it's annoying me more than usual today, because the longer he doesn't pay attention to me, the more my thoughts drift. Trust me, that's a dangerous thing right now.

"Babe?" I ask, prodding his arm with a long, pale finger. His attention doesn't really divert from the screen, not even when I scowl. However, he grunts and wraps his arm around me. It's heavy and toned, almost crushing me against the length of his body, but in a good way. My head drops down to lay on his chest, staring up at him anxiously. Beck is great because I can be vulnerable around him and not have to worry about anything. He get's the soft, gentle Jade because he's the only one I know that can handle it. The only one I don't worry about being strong for. I'm fully aware that I've made the other people in my life the way they are, totally dependent on me, but it's nice to have someone who hasn't ever learned that trait. Someone who's strong for me too. We all need it. Even me.

I purse my lips, picking at some imaginary dirt on his jeans. "You remember last year when you asked me if you could have a threesome with Cat and I?" I may as well just spit the idea out. If it's this stuck in my brain I know it will happen one way or the other. Tori will just have to suck it up as yet again, her thoughts and feelings about the situation become less and less important to me. Another grunt is my only response until a goal is made about 30 seconds later. "Yup, you said, 'Cat wouldn't understand, you'd end up ruining everything for me.'" He mumbles in a high pitched tone, taking a swig of his cola and not bothering to take his eyes off of the screen. It's pictures are reflecting against the iris of his eyes, glossy and blurred. The words sounded rehearsed... like something he'd had to tell himself over and over. In an abrupt display of remembrance, his eyebrows jump up and his head tilts a bit, "Oh! And I do remember later on, sometime that night you made me hit my head and told me if I ever asked you that again you'd never have sex with me again... I didn't remember it at first because I suffered a head trauma that night." His elbow pokes at my ribs as he squeezes me in jest. A smile curves at my lips and I roll my eyes. He's such a baby. " I did NOT make you hit your head!" I contest, poking his clothed abs. All he does is shrug and become even less interested in the conversation than before.

You know you are too open talking about sex in your relationship when your boyfriend can blow off you talking about a threesome. "Babe, I taped us that night. You made me hit my head and I can prove it." He says coolly, I feel him tense as the puck barely misses a goal. "Oh! It was right there! HOW could he miss that?" His drink waves around in front of him, instructing the team like they can hear a word he's saying. "Um, excuse me, earth to my boyfriend... Just HOW often have you taped me without my knowing?" I'm not sure if I'm upset or not. I don't really FEEL upset... more so amused than anything. His attention flies back down at me, eyes big and face clueless. After a second of contemplation he seems to remember what we were talking about, "Oh! Well um, about that. Haha, it's kind of a funny story but let's just say... with our bodies, the things we do, and the amount of footage I have... we could be millionaires in a week if you'd just adopt a porn star name and let me post them onli- OW JADE!" He's cut off by my fist slamming into his ribs. "I most certainly will NOT let you do any of that! Damn you're a pervert!" By the time I'm finished scolding him, I'm laughing and positive he won't take me seriously. Not that it matters, he'd never destroy my trust by posting anything.

After a few sobering moments of silence and hockey, my laughter dies down and I drift back to the original point of conversation. "So, you're not opposed to the idea of a threesome." I say languidly stretching over his lap. His hand finds my smooth stomach beneath my clothes and strokes it, entranced in his stupid little game. I can see his brows furrow over his eyes, "Why would I have asked if I was oppo- yes! Come on baby shoot!" He practically throws me off his lap to stand up, waving his arms in the air like a mad man. I glare up at him, standing on the couch, pointing at the screen and screaming. Now THIS I should video tape. He's such a fuckin' moron over this game that it's ridiculous.

I shove myself off the floor, watching two grown men on iceskates slap their little sticks together and fight for the puck while headed for the goal, guarded by what appears to be a very colorful man with high tech pillows covering his body. Told you this shit is ridiculous. Just as they get close enough to shoot, I pull Beck's head down and slam my lips into his. My hands grip his hair and pin him against my face in an aggressive kiss. This isn't about passion or love though, I'm doing this to piss him off and he knows it. He tries to pull back like I've shocked him instead of kissed him, frantically attempting to see what was going on. A buzzer sounds, the crowd cheers and I pull away from him with a wink. He's glaring at me, clearly furious. "That was low babe. Real low." Is all he says, but is too busy listening to the announcer to scold me any more for it. I chuckle in amusement, sometimes my need to mess with people just over powers me out of the blue... plus that dickhead dropped me! It's called pay back. "I'll make it up to you." I whisper, winking at him playfully. "Nuh- uh, not until after the instant replays are done. You've done enough damage Jadelyn." He scolds, his hand reaches out and swats my ass. He's the only person in the world that can get away with that. Better yet make it turn me on. "Fine, I'm gunna go make a phone call... not that you care!" I shout over my shoulder as the door swings shut behind me. He doesn't even turn... men.

The air is chilly outside, even more so under the color of the stars. I suppress and shiver and swear to myself. I thought we were going through global warming or some shit? Screw those polar bears in the antarctic it's supposed to be warm in Hollywood! My jacket isn't heavy enough to keep me warm, so I climb into the cab of the truck for privacy and warmth. I'm gently fingering my pearphone through my pocket and wondering why I'm hesitating over something I KNOW I'm going to end up doing. Nervousness doesn't suit me well, nor does the worry or guilt that's berating my thoughts. It's not that I don't care about Tori at ALL, but the way she gives into me all the time makes it hard for me to say no to my own desires. While my conscious desperately tries to remind me she's a human being, not a rag doll, my lust wonders what's wrong with taking what you can from someone who's willing. It's not like you get that oppertunity all the time.

Fuck it. I can't stand to think anymore. My cold hands shove into my pocket of my coat to retrieve my phone. It lights up, alerting me of unimportant things like calls from my mother and updates on the slap. All of that doesn't mean shit to me right now. I flick through the contacts and press Tori's name, it rings once and I slam my finger over the hang up button. Text should be easier... right?

_-Did you call me?-_ Tori

Wow, she's certainly alert. Then again Tori always seems glued to her phone, constantly checking for new messages and random alerts from heaven only knows what.

_-I meant to hit text. You should come over to Beck's. Now.-_ Jade

I had to retype the message from the original, 'I need you to come over to Beck's. The thought alone makes me shiver, I don't need a damn thing from her. Well... maybe I do. I don't know right now I and I don't want to think about it. She texts back an 'ok' and leaves it at that. My head falls back against the seat with a sigh. No need to go in. I'll just wait here until she comes. Then it'll be over and done with, and I won't think of any more stupid shit like this... right? Or maybe it'll only encourage me more. I slam a hand against the seat. For the LAST time, I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS!

**TORI-THURSDAY**

I thought I was off of the hook. Jade hadn't really bothered me too much today... ya know with the vibrator and all. She was still really mean and walked all over me, but I'm used to that. I was just happy for an entire school day with no embarrassing incidents. While I can honestly say I'm getting better at holding my act together, I can also say I feel like I'm falling apart. Half of the time I feel dirty and rotten. Cheap and used. It's this gross, sticky feeling that rears it's head up when I'm NOT turned on. It tells me Jade is wrong for me, that I shouldn't want her, that I should get her out of my life completely... but I never do it. Probably because Jade never gives me too much time to think. It's like a special power she has. I can just imagine what she's thinking while she presses that button, "Oh Tori's having a deep intellectual thought? Better ruin that." And it's wrong... and it hurts and when it's over, I feel like a literal piece of trash.

And even now, sitting here trying to watch TV with my best friend, I'm shifting anxiously and biting my lip. Thinking about her. It's a shame I can't even enjoy the ability to relax because I can't get my mind off of Jade. Jade Jade Jade. That's all it talks about, all it cares about, all it wants to hear. Jade! UH! I'm loosing my mind. I turn the channel for the millionth time, trying to distract myself. Why does every villain on every show now remind me of Jade? Oh, right, I'm crazy. Sorry I forgot for a second. I leave it on CSI and close my eyes, trying to burn out all thoughts of the actress... and of course, my phone rings. Jade's number flashes across the screen, but I don't pick it up fast enough before she ends the call... strange.

After a few texts back and forth I agree to come meet her at Beck's. I assume they've had a fight... and I don't really know what that means for me now that we're having sex. It was easy to help them when they split before. I had no emotional involvement in their relationship before so all I had to do was calmly talk to both of them and try to find a solution. Now that Jade and I are.. you know, it just isn't that easy. Her calling me after they had a fight NOW could mean a million things. If they broke up, my heart would leap at the oppertunity to be there for her... which is stupid because Jade still wouldn't have me in that way. But, on the other had, it could mean she's angry and wants to take said anger out on me through a bout of painfully arousing sex. Both out comes involve pain, actually most outcomes with Jade involve more pain. Just how much can I take? If it was just physical maybe all this would be easier. If her words didn't etch into my brain and carve into my soul then the rest of this would all be tolerable and fun. Right now it's not any fun at all... but it's addictive. Is that the same? I don't know, she makes me question the stupidest things.

I look over at Andre', who is lounging on my couch, sucking down some lemonade. "What's with all that?" He asks, motioning to the phone... and I know I already told Jade I'd come, but I'm questioning it now. "Oh, a friend of mine from my old school needs some help with something." I lie expertly. I've become quite good at keeping my relationship (or what ever it is) with Jade a secret. "You want me to roll out of here?" He says casually, throwing me one of those dazzling smiles. I won't deny that the boy makes my heart flutter. Everything about him is warm and inviting. Totally free of judgment... and it makes me feel like crap if I think about it too long. I shouldn't be keeping this Jade thing from him. He's too good of a friend, too good of a person. I know that if I asked for anything, Andre would do his best to make it happen for me. That's just the guy he is.

I twist my lips to the left in a contemplating scowl, "Hey, I can ask you anything right?" His head turns, dreads swinging gently beneath his ear as he moves. "Sure. You're my girl. I got you." He says sincerely, bumping my knee with his glass. That large, toothy grin comes over his face again and I feel my tummy flip flop. "If you're with someone, and you have... feelings." He cuts me off and raises his eyebrow, "Feelings?" I swat his arm, "Yes, feelings. You're not sure what they are but it's really strong. Part of you loves it and part of you wants to just claw it out of you... what should you do? I mean, if you think you might love them, is it worth the pain they put you through?" My voice cracks a little and I look over to see he isn't smiling anymore. His eyes are gently fixed on me, waiting for me to ride out any emotion that comes. When I remain passive and cool Andre sighs heavily, "Listen Tori, I've known you for over a year now, and in that year we have been through a lot. I've seen every side of you... except this one. For the past month you've changed. You aren't as happy, you don't talk as much, it's kinda scary cause... you're acting a lot like Jade. Without the mean, bitchy, exterior of course." He doesn't stop when I try to cut in, "What I'm trying to say is, I don't know who you're seeing, or why, or what's goin on with all that... but I think you need to figure out yourself before you go any further. The world doesn't need a Tori 2.0, the original was the best... Now you want me to split or no?" He gives me a knowing look and I can't help it, my arms wrap around him in a tight hug. For an hour we sit there, silent and soaking up the moment.

My phone won't quit buzzing though. Finally, I look up at him with a sad smile and he nods. "Go on Tori Vega, I'm around if you need a hand." His large hand pats my knee firmly and he heads for the door. As soon as it clicks shut, I dig for my phone. 14 calls and 22 text messages. She's pissed. I don't bother texting or calling her back, I just shoot out of my seat and head for the car. Trina is going to be pissed. While a fully licensed driver, I still never get the oppertunity to actually drive her car and I doubt she's going to be happy with me stealing it. Right now, I'm more afraid of Jade than I am of Trina. It seems the second Andre got up to leave our deep conversation flew from my mind and I was once again consumed with Jade. I slam down the pedal and peel out of our drive way, speeding the whole way there.

By the time I reach Beck's RV, I can see Jade sitting in the cab, looking half asleep. Her black hair is pulled into a low pony tail, constricting the locks to one side. The look on her face is totally passive and still... a very misleading mask for the anger I'm sure she's holding beneath the surface. She perks up at the sight of my head lights, but doesn't move from her spot. Her brows are practically cemented down over her eyes in a fierce glare, arms crossed. I stumble over my own feet on the way out of the car, slowly making my way to the truck door. She practically kicks it open and grabs a hold of my arm, yanking me on top of her and slamming it uncomfortably against my leg. Her lips are on mine before I can register a thing. They're angry, and frustrated about something. I'm not sure if it's me being an hour late or something else entirely. My back presses against the dash board uncomfortably as I straddle her waist.

When she pulls back for air, I can see her expression isn't as furious as I thought it would be. Instead, there's this look of panic in her shocking green eyes. They're darting over my face, neck, chest, in a messy and almost frantic pattern. "Where the hell have you been?" She hisses, her nails digging into her shoulders. My neck 'pops' loudly when she gives me a hard shake. I wince and attempt to wiggle out from over her lap... but it only makes her angrier. "Where!" She's louder this time, and I can feel warm drops of blood pool under her black nails. My hands grab onto her hips almost desperately in pain, and she gives me a confused look. "I couldn't get away. I'm sorry." I whimper, settling further onto her lap as her hands loosen and she relaxes. Her lips brush against my neck and I just know she's about to bite me. "You didn't answer my calls or texts." Her teeth sink into my skin until I cry out, not only because it hurts, but because I know that is what she wants. "You left me to worry." The words come out as a forced growl and before I can even be flattered or comprehend Jade worrying over anything, better yet me, she shoves me back into the dash. Her grasp is tight and unmovable, twisting my arm in her hand painfully to the right.

This time I yell out solely because of pain, it shoots through my arm and clenches the muscles up in a painful spasm. "I'm SORRY! Andre and I just needed to talk. I thought you could wait I swear OW JADE!" My arm is now bent in such a way that I can't move at all without nauseating pain swirling and twisting around in my gut. She has my hand twisted around as far as it will go and my forearm twisted and almost folded against the elbow. The skin is quickly turning white from blood loss. My eyes dart to her face, but immediately look away. The daggers she's throwing me are much easier to take if I can't see them coming. "Oh? Andre... and when did Andre become more important to you Vega?" She snaps, releasing my arm with a painful yank, pulling me to lay against her chest. Her arms circle around my back in what looks like a hug, but is really a awkward way of restraining me.

"He isn't it's just that... He's different. Not in a more important way! I don't know! He's just different cause he's a guy." I whimper, not even flinching as I feel my jacket slip off, and my belt buckle come undone. Her hand is slipping down into my center quickly and carelessly. She's sucking gently on my neck, smirking at the way I don't even consider warding her off... I'm not sure if I even realize that's an option anymore. Not when she's so close. When I can feel her cool hands against my skin, and smell her lavender perfume clogging my lungs up. "Different hm?" Her finger slips inside of me, prodding gently as she speaks. In and out. In and out... it's all I can think of. "So you need something different... I'm not enough." For a second, I swear she sounded really hurt, but by the time I looked up to double check she was nothing but angry again. I hate how I'm already getting wet for her, panting as she moves in soft, constant rhythm. My hips don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation, or the fear I'm feeling, because they buck shamelessly up to meet her. Just like they always do. Like a dog to it's master, they come to her when she beacons. This isn't fair!

Another finger slips inside of me, picking up some speed. I struggle to find the words to make her understand it isn't like what she's thinking, "No... you're enough. Andre's just a guy!" She tickles that wonderful spot inside of me that makes me forget everything I was saying or have ever said. I feel her teeth nipping and biting at my neck, and don't say a word. If she's thinking, it could be either very good or very bad, but I know interrupting her thought process won't help my case. "So it's just a guy you want. It isn't about me or Andre at all." She snarls, jerking her hand from my pants despite my moans of protest. Her face is back to that pissy-yet-accepting expression. The same one she gave me when she said I'd be sorry about not canceling my Prome. "Ok. Fine. This wasn't originally why I brought you here... but if that's how you want to play... take off your clothes." Her hands are already on me, pulling at my shirt. It's weird because Jade is rough, but likes to drag things out. She never just tells me to strip. It makes me beyond nervous.

"In... in Beck's car?" I gasp, trying to accommodate her rough, pulling hands in the small amount of space we have. She snorts and pinches my side when I don't move fast enough, "It's a truck. Now quit wiggling and start stripping these damn clothes." By the time she's done talking my jeans are mid-way down my legs and my shirt is gone. I shake my hips a few times to knock my jeans down around my ankles and kick them away. My hand is bent awkwardly back to remove my shoes and socks at a slow pace to avoid hurting myself. She's going for my bra, unhooking it with expert hands and tugging my body like a Barbie into the correct position to remove the offending clothes. I feel disgusted. Even though Beck knows about us, doing it in his truck seems a little wrong. Her fingers are inside me again, removing any feeling but pleasure as the straps to the vibrator are slowly and methodically undone. My head drops to her shoulder with a loud, unrestricted moan. "That's my girl." She praises in the condescending tone. I'm not sure if it's sincere praise, or only meant to mock me but it turns me on.

The contraption finally pulls away from my clit, exposing it to the fresh cool air and causing me to gasp. I feel more naked without the vibrator on than without my clothes. It's been on me for so long that the feeling of cold air swirling around my clit is an erotic sensation. Jade's mouth is on my nipple, nibbling it and sucking it desperately. "Are you ready for this Vega?" She uses my last name to remind me that while she's being gentle and causing me only pleasure, she's pissed at me. Again my horny-ness completely over rides my fear and logic. I nod to her, pressing my lips against her jaw and suckling in that sweet, gentle way she likes. "I can't hear you, what was that?" She insists, shoving her fingers deeper into my now soaked sex and tweaking my nipple. I groan, it's almost too good. Another human being shouldn't be able to make me feel like this. It takes away every bit of power I have. "I'm... I'm ready." I say through pants, my breath against her ear. Even though I haven't a clue what I'm ready for or what I just agreed to do for her. It doesn't matter right now. I just want her to think I'm good again. I'll be good, no matter the cost.

Before I can think she's shoving me off of her, and gripping the door handle to jerk it open. Her boots make a loud thunk against the concrete. "Did I do something wrong?" My voice breaks, on the verge of tears. I hate it, I hate that when she has me on such a high and pulls me away, I feel like I'll break. I can't stand to disappoint her, not only because she withholds pleasure, but because she's become so important. Too important. My hand reaches down for my clothes dejectedly. "Yes, but I'm going to be nice anyway." She chides, smacking my hand off of my blouse. Her eyes are looking straight into mine. They're so intense and I wish so badly that I could bring myself just to look away. "I'm going to give you what you want Tori... Get. Out. Of. The. Car." She takes a step back as she speaks, pointing to the spot right in front of her sternly... and without checking for porch lights or cars, I step butt naked out onto the concrete. My bare toes touch the rough leather of her boots and my bottom is forced against the cold metal as she shoves me over to slam the door. When she moves, I attempt to cover myself from both the cold and any watching eyes, but make no move to get back in the truck.

I can't stop thinking about what she said. She's going to give me what I want. I vaguely hear her tell me to stay here as she slips into Beck's trailer. It shakes a little under the weight of her foot, not because she's heavy but because it's small and easily manipulated... exactly like I've become. Other wise I wouldn't be standing out here in the cold night, stark and bare under a street light, IN public. That's what I have become. So I wait... and I wait. I can hear her talking to him about something but can't make out words. His voice sounds strained, and a little upset. Were they fighting? I'm not sure. All I know is when that metal door opens and Jade waves me in, I freeze. Suddenly the biting cool night is much more inviting than that trailer. The trailer where Beck is. My mind can't even register what she's planning, it's too mortified by the presence to be scared to death of the future. I take a step back and open my mouth to say something... but I stop. She has this look on her face that says, 'get in or get out of my life'... and we both know the latter simply isn't possible. So I stupidly take her waiting hand and let her yank me up the steps.

The heat of the trailer practically suffocates me, but I know they like it like that. The warmth. Heat that is almost oppressive the way it grabs your lungs. I don't understand how, but to them it's comfortable. The green shag carpeting squishes under my toes comfortably and I choose to focus on that... until I hear Beck chuckling. My head pops up to see him sitting carelessly on the couch, Jade's right behind him, her hands rubbing his neck. She's completely naked, and I try my hardest to observe Beck instead of ogle her. He's dressed in baggy shorts, no shoes, and an unbuttoned blue top. His hair is messy, but Jade's hand moves to smooth it and brush through the frayed locks that her boyfriend is ever so proud of. She smirks at me, her other hand leaving Beck's tanned shoulder to wiggle her finger and signal me forward. I'm not sure if I'm really scared, or really turned on. A little of both I suppose. I have no idea what she wants me to do in front of her boyfriend, but I guarantee you it'll end with me coming (in SOME way) and then feeling even worse about myself when I go home. But the prospect of getting to come was all that mattered right NOW and I take a few steps forward in a very tentative fashion. If his floor were thin ice, I'd be walking appropriately, but since it's not... I look stupid and scared.

Again Beck chuckles, leaning up to whisper something in the black haired beauty's ear. She snickers and nods, "She's always a little flightily." Her voice is amused but casual, talking about me like she would the weather or a funny movie she just saw. Beck nods, stroking some of her hair that's fallen down onto his shoulder as she speaks up again, "See Tori. I only called you over to have sex in FRONT of Beck. He wasn't paying attention to me." She glares at him as she speaks, but there is a tiny and affectionate smile that tugs at her lips while she does it. I gulp, ignoring the way my sex twists in excitement at the idea. I should NOT be excited over fucking Jade in front of her boyfriend. It's not like I meant anything. She was still his, and me screwing her in front of him wouldn't change that. Wouldn't prove that I'd won anything. He already knew his girlfriend was easy to get on her back. All it would do was excite him. At least I'm pretty sure it would, other wise I don't see the point in her asking him to watch us.

I only realize I'm staring off and not paying attention when Beck snaps his fingers sharply to bring me out of my little world. Jade pulls herself off of him and slides back around his body to come over to me. My eyes close but I make no move to stop her as she reaches for me. Her fingers slide into me easily. This entire situation is turning me on in the worst of ways. "But... seeing as you are needing a -guy- so badly, I'm going to give you what you asked for." She hisses, literally pulling me forward by her hand that's inside of me. I moan at the pressure inside of me but plant my feet, eyes wide. I know I clench around her, I've just shot up from fear to terror... she doesn't seem to give a damn. "Come on Vega. You were all for the guy's team a second ago, get over there." She mocks sweetly, her hand slips out of my center to slap my butt painfully, forcing me forward. Her hand raises to do it again when I don't move and I flinch, waiting for the impact that never comes.

Beck shakes his head at Jade, making a tiny gesture to settle her down with his hands and standing up. "She's nervous Jade." He scolds, confidently walking up into my space. His hands slide onto my waist and grip gently but I still squirm in his hold. He's too hot. He's too firm. He's too tan. He's too strong. He's too everything because I don't want him touching me. I don't know him like I know Jade and this isn't ok! Why haven't I told him that. I can see him watching me, waiting for a sign that I can't, waiting for me to tell the both of them this isn't acceptable.

It doesn't happen though. Only because I can feel her hands rub over my tingling bottom, massaging it tenderly in her fingers. Those fingers that seem to ruin my life at every turn in the most amazing ways. Her lips press against my shoulder, kissing up to my ear and then back down again. I chance a look at Beck's eyes to see he's completely focused on her lips on my skin. What is it with guys and watching girls do things? For once he almost looks... awkward. He's so entranced with her supple lips against my own bronze flesh. I can't blame him though, because Jade's lips have the same effect on me when they're kissing him. Except mine is mixed with jealousy.

I'm not sure if he's turned on by me or her... but it doesn't really matter when his hands start moving over my body. They're slow, testing my response to make sure I'm not going to jerk away from him. One moves further behind my back while the other runs over my stomach, getting acquainted with the feeling of my flesh. In an odd way it's really nice. His hand's aren't rough or calloused. He takes care of them. I feel him shift and before I know it, his lips are against mine. Despite the gentleness of it, I back up, only to run straight into Jade's body. Her curves press into my bare skin.

I can feel her hard nipples against my back and her arms around my waist, holding me still as her boyfriend continues the assault on my lips. "Eaaasy Vega." Jade mumbles, licking my ear as Beck deepens the kiss. He's really not a bad kisser, he's great actually, but I'm terrified that Jade is going to snap and murder me. I'm even a little scared that he might hurt me. I've found out so much about him in the past month. Things I'd have never believed if you just told them to me. So I can't put anything past him now. I don't know him like I want to, which leaves me to trust Jade with my safety, because again leaving doesn't register as an option for me.

One of Jade's hands slips between my legs to press against my clit as Beck breaks the kiss. He doesn't say anything, but he does give me a reassuring smile as I feel his hands creep up to grope my breasts. They expertly slide over the nipples and tweak them until they're hard and begging for more. He doesn't disappoint them, getting more confidant with every threshold he seems to pass. My hands twitch at my sides but I don't move them. It took me two weeks of fucking with Jade to get her to let me touch her... and I'm not sure if Beck is the same. He seems to notice and picks one of my hands up to set it on his chest and run down his abs. It's like he's made of rock or something. Jade was right... the man has impeccable abs. My fingers trod tentatively across the flat, toned skin, as he attaches himself to my lips once more.

Jade's fingers are still circling and flicking my clit around, causing me to moan loudly into Beck's mouth. The sensations of four hands sliding over me was overwhelming. Jade alone was a lot for me to handle. Another moan escapes as Beck pulls away from the kiss to bring my nipple in his mouth and suck. His warm, wet tongue darts out every few seconds and swirls against the flesh. Right before he releases the hardened bud, his teeth clamp down ever so slightly, bitting the flesh and tugging it. I can feel his other hand sneaking down my hips and Jade's index finger sliding into my core. She thrusts slowly, never letting me forget that she is here.

Beck's other hand reaches behind me to fondle Jade's breasts, causing her to grind her hips against mine and shove her finger in a bit rougher than she originally meant to. I don't care at this point. I'm swimming in an ocean of madness, ruled by the crashing waves of pleasure that refuse to let me feel anything put their pull, bringing me further under. I can feel his hand prodding at the entrance Jade's finger is already occupying. He's pressing against my clit with his hand while his lips trace the valley between my breasts. I whine loudly and let my head fall backwards onto Jade's shoulder. As if to reward me for the action, she thrusts a little faster. Beck chuckles and lets his hand push harder against me, slipping one of his own fingers inside of my sex. My nails dig into his shoulder and I tense, clenching hard around both of their hands.

Their fingers move in opposing rhythms inside of me. The contrast of it shouldn't feel as amazing as it does. Beck's hand is larger, filling more space but moving slowly. Jade's finger is slim and long, already moving quickly against me as she grinds her hips into my backside. My hands grab onto Beck to support my shaking legs as the feelings wash over my body. Jade's teeth and gently nipping along my shoulders and back, while Beck bravely pinches and tweaks my nipples in his available hand. Within minutes I'm dying to come, but both of them seem to know and won't allow it. Every time I get close, they settle me back down.

Jade's soft lips press against my neck sweetly as her finger slips out, and I whimper for her when she steps away. Her fingers brush against my arm as Beck captures my lips again and starts to prod me toward the bed. I can already feel the sheets tickling the back of my legs but I refuse to lay down. He doesn't push me either. Not in the way I expected him to. All he does is add another finger inside of me, stretching me a bit more than Jade has, and pushing his tongue into my mouth. It slides around inside like a snake, pushing against my own tongue and making me feel light headed. When I adjust to the sensation, he starts to move his fingers in and out, breaking the kiss to look at Jade.

She's already on the bed, eyes hungry and locked on me. They don't look jealous. The only thing reflecting her her eyes is lust. My hips unconsciously buck against Beck's hand and I grunt, not expecting it to feel so forceful and rough. If I'd have done so to Jade's hand it wouldn't have felt that way. It was only because of the size of his hand. I'm starting to worry though. It's just now fully sinking in that Jade wants me to lay down right next to her, spread my legs, and let her boyfriend fuck me. If his hand feels large to me... I shiver around him and almost as if on cue, he speeds up his gentle thrusting.

It's weird how alike they are, both of them try to use my body to make me forget my worries. What they don't know is while my legs spread and my throat moans at the touches, it does nothing for my mind. I'm still scared, my body just feels so good that it refuses to listen to fear. I pant hard against Beck's lips, almost screaming when he pulls back to suck and kiss my neck. His hand has move to my other breast, and I can now feel Jade's brushing the backs of my legs in a ghostly like manner. She's getting impatient. Something very common for her when she is turned on.

I turn my head to look at her again, very visibly afraid, to try and get some guidance. I expect her to roll her eyes or pinch me or smack me on the butt and tell me to suck it up... but she doesn't. She gives an honest smile, her hands tracing my hips and lightly tugging me back. Despite her impatient attitude, she's trying to be gentle. To coax me onto the bed instead of force me... and that does me in. My knees buckle and I allow myself to fall back gracelessly, Beck's body soon to follow. He's stripped his shirt somewhere in all of the madness, and his toned body presses against mine as he excitedly starts to lick my nipples, biting down every now and then. With every prick of his teeth my hips raise up to meet him. I can feel his hardened erection pressing against me every time.

Much to my displeasure, Jade leaves the bed. She circles around her boyfriend, watching me over his shoulder as she starts to tug at the belt of his baggy shorts. It slides through the loops with a loud -shlinck- and Jade wraps it tight around her hands in a coil. She smirks at me, popping the belt loudly just to watch me flinch. My core tightens around Beck's hand as she does and this time, I moan at the feeling of him inside of me, preventing my muscles from clamping down all the way. It's this odd, full feeling that I am starting to like. It almost touches me in my gut, pushing down in a strange but pleasurable way.

Jade doesn't toss the belt away, she secures it around her naked waist and starts to pull at the zipper of her boyfriend's shorts. He isn't kissing me any more, he's just watching my face with intense eyes. Hips grinding against mine, hand thrusting in and out of my core. I'm not sure what he's expecting to see on my face, but what ever he DOES see seems to please him.

Jade leans over his back, and his weight pushes into me a little harder as she starts to push the shorts down his legs. I can hear her chuckle against his ear. "She's fuckin' beautiful like that isn't she?" The actress says rhetorically. Beck grunts loudly, not from the extra weight but from the fact her hand is stroking him through his blue boxers. His head nods, "It always looks better when they're right in the middle of pleasure and pain... face contorted. Body stiff." He moans loudly, head tossing into the air. I watch his Adam's apple bob and feel him start to buck against Jade's experienced hand. Them talking over me isn't as offensive as it should be. It's kind of a turn on in that very Jade-like way. Something exciting about not being thought of as an equal in those moments. It's the same type of thing that will disgust me later. Right now it just makes me buck against him.

Jade sighs, but it's mixed with a chuckle as she removes his boxers and tosses them into the large pile of clothes by the couch. Her feet silently pad the floor as she makes her way back over to me, a hand slipping between the two of us to stroke my clit. I sigh at the contact. My body may be enjoying Beck, but it was missing the woman it's learned to love. I don't even realize his fingers have left me in my relief to just feel the goth's touch against my burning hot skin. Her lips press against my shoulder, licking, nipping, sucking, making multiple hickeys. Marking my tanned skin as her own.

Beck has yet to leave a mark, and I have a feeling that's on purpose. "Relax Tori." Jade instructs, though I'm not sure why and I'm not sure I can. My body is sparkling with pleasure. Every touch takes me a little closer to the edge. But I try for her, I try to breath through my nose and stop writhing around, just to please her. I want to be good remember?

She moans softly into my ear, clearly pleased with me, though I can also see that Beck's hand is now inside of her as well giving her cause to moan. I should know, she never truly moans like that for me. Unrestricted, out of control. It's beautiful. Maybe it just takes time. Everything with Jade seems to take time. It's probably because she's so guarded.

My thoughts are abruptly interrupted at the feeling of something much large than a hand... and now I know why Jade was telling me to relax. My entire body does the exact opposite, and I can feel tears start to form at my eyes. Tears that never seem to suede Jade, but stop Beck in his tracks. He looks at Jade in alarm, "Why is she crying?" His voice is low, and a little rushed, Jade's hand doesn't quit her assault on my clit as she shrugs.

"It's like a nervous tick or something I dunno." She mumbles half heartedly, her eyes are locked on mine in a silent challenge. Beck exhales sharply and kisses my lips gently, no tongue, no forcefulness, just a sweet, breath taking kiss. My hips buck up into him because Jade refuses to stop, and I moan into his mouth loudly, despite my tears. It isn't a nervous tick, it's embarrassment. Jade can't take my virginity... at least not that I know of. Not with her hand, and I don't think she'd want to do something so intimate with an object. It just doesn't seem like her... So she's using Beck to take it from me. Something that I thought was safe from her.

I moan louder as her fingers twist around my clit, and her mouth closes over my hard nipple. She doesn't play fair! All of this is just a plot to have every part of me. Beck is just her means of doing it. I guess it'll be a shared conquest. I was ashamed enough to have him looking at me when I came in here, to have his hands on me... I didn't stop him because it felt good. It still feels good, but I'm scared and embarrassed and raw.

Every time I think she's taken all she can, she shows me I'm not empty yet. She hasn't bled out every drop of myself. My head falls to the side to look at her again, breaking Beck's kiss to search for answers. Her face is fairly passive, but full of wanting. "Just do it Beck." She growls, leaning forward to capture my lips in a much rougher fashion. Her tongue doesn't even ask for entrance, it simply shoves it's way flawlessly into my mouth, stroking the ridges of my teeth and sucking my tongue into her mouth.

"She's scared Jade." He scolds, his hand shoves inside of her a little rougher and she whines into my mouth. It probably didn't feel too good. He'd done it to scold her. I wrap my arms around the actress, responding to the kiss unlike I had any of Beck's, responding to HER for reasons I can't even explain to you. When she pulls back she's got a half smirk , half smile on her face. "Duh! She's a virgin they're all nervous. The longer you build up the more scared she'll get." She hisses, her hand starts to move faster against my clit, causing me to arch my back and moan out a loud almost sobbing noise. I can feel Beck against me again, his hardened erection is gently pushing against my skin but his eyes are still questioning me.

"Do you hear her saying no?" She whispers, kissing his ear and stealing a glance to see if I will say no... but I don't. My lips tremble slightly and I'm still crying, but I'm mute and without resistance, which seems enough for him. His body flexes as he slowly starts to push inside of my wet sex. The pain isn't anywhere near as bad as I'd anticipated but it was still no where near comfortably. My eyes clench shut and without thinking my head jerks to the side, only to feel it land on something. I can feel Jade's sloe black hair tickling over my face and the warm skin of her shoulder is pressing into my back.

Her arms gently circle around me as her lips work against my neck. Beck stops at the thin barrier of skin that Jade's fingers haven't been thick enough to break, and Jade's hand strokes over my head. I love that touch, gentle, caring. Like she really values me, or like she's really wanting me to feel ok, or even feel good. "You're so good Tori." She mumbles, and I moan loudly at that. It's all I wanted in the first place.

With a tiny grunt Beck snaps his hips against me and tears the skin, seating himself inside of me. As far as men go, Jade has told me before that Beck was considered 'well blessed'... but blessed is anything but what I feel right now. I feel... impaled. Like I'm completely filled with him inside of me and I don't know, it may be because I'm a virgin, but I doubt there's any room left inside of me. He lets me get used to it, kissing me softly while his hands run over my hips and up to my breasts again before moving in and out slowly. His thrusts into me where synced up with his hand that has never stopped working on his girlfriend. She lets out a loud moan that fills the trailer, and I follow to suit. He knows what he's doing that's for sure.

His hips start to pick up speed, allowing the friction to take away all left over discomfort. I groan lowly, grinding my hips against his every now and then. My hands are tangled around his neck as he rocks against my body, drawing out moan after moan. It's getting harder for him to be gentle because I'm so wet and he's so pent up. Within minutes he isn't even trying any more. He's grunting with every thrust of his hips, nipping and sucking at my nipples firmly. I look over to see Jade, who's eyes are locked permanently on mine, there is an odd, protective look in them. Despite her doing this because she is angry I blew her off for Andre, she seems to NEED me to enjoy it.

When my eyes don't leave hers for a long time she smirks and crawls further up the bed. I can see Beck bring his hand up to his mouth as she crawls off of it, licking those thick juices from each finger with closed eyes. It makes him rougher, more excited, and his hips are now going fast AND hard against me. My own hips are gladly taking it though, wrapping around him in a desperate attempt to get him further inside me as he pulls in and out of my dripping hot sex.

My vision of Beck is promptly blocked by Jade as her leg swings over my body. Hip hips are almost directly over my face and the smell of her arousal is overwhelmingly strong in my nostrils as she settles down closer to me. Her lower lips brushing against my full mouth. I stare up at her excitedly and don't waste time letting my tongue dart out over her. My moan comes out loudly against her soaking center and her hips buck. "Fuck... Tori!" She groans, a hand tangling in my hair. Her tone is practically begging me for more, and I know Beck has struck a fire in her with his hands that she is dying for me to stoke. My lips close around her clit, suckling loudly against her, my tongue slipping out to brush it every once and a while.

Her hips buck against my face, shoving my head back against the bed and trapping me there with her body. I don't mind though. I can't think, all I can breath is her smell, all I can taste is her body, and all I can feel is Beck's hard cock shoving into me at a force that's making my toes curl. I lick and suck frantically, desperate to make her come. I need to taste her on my lips, more of her. My tongue actually slides down and pushes up inside of her, causing Jade to toss her head back and practically scream. For me.

The thought makes me howl out my own pleasure, shaking wildly around Beck. Before I know it, Jade is arching up against my mouth, and I'm sucking and licking earnestly, desperate to make her orgasm last. And it does. Her body shakes on top of me, completely stiff except for her bucking hips. The shove against my face carelessly as she rides at the orgasm for as long as possible, it's getting me closer too.

Finally, Jade rolls off of me, gasping for air. Her large chest is bobbing up and down in an attempt to steady herself. I can see Beck's face again, and his eyes are wide and coated with lust. He's moaning louder and louder with every thrust and so am I. We're building together. But I see Jade's hand slip onto Beck's shoulder and push him slightly. He looks at her with wide eyed confusion and then smirks, rolling onto his back and dragging me with him. I'm now fully seated on his hips, and I can feel him pressed against my cervix in this awkward position. It's uncomfortable in a good way. Beck is grinding gently from beneath me, panting to control his urges as I sit there, completely unsure of what to do.

Jade's breasts press in behind me and I feel her grip my hands. Taking the belt she'd slipped around her waist earlier, she jerks my hands behind my back and ties them there with the long strap of leather from elbow to wrist. It's painful, but I can't help but moan. The awkward position forces my chest outward and I can feel my hands against Jade's warm hips. By now Beck is bucking up against me, totally enthralled in the action of watching us. He must not have had a clear view before because if he did, no doubt he'd have finished by now. Jade's hips suddenly buck hard against mine, forcing me against Beck's as her arms slip around me. One hand secures itself around my waist, pulling me back so that she can push me forward again with her strong ivory hips. My hands grip frantically at her skin, but the pain of my nails only seems to spur her on.

She's forcing my body to move against Beck's rising hips and ride him. Not that I'm unwilling. Oh hell no. I want nothing more than to feel him deeper and harder inside of me. I'm just unsure how, and Jade is more than happy to teach me. Her hand comes down hard against the flesh of my bare bottom whipping me, and spurring my body into further action. My hips start to move without her prompting, allowing her hand that isn't spanking my ass and thighs to stroke and tweak my nipples, which soon turns into hard pulls and nail digging pinches. My body starts to loose control, and I'm sure by now I'm fucking Beck at twice the strength and speed he fucked me. He was scared he'd hurt me, but I'm too damn delusional to worry about that. Jade's nails drag hard over the places she's smacked, her lips against my neck, along with her teeth.

Beck has his teeth bared, his hands are on Jade's hips right behind me to steady himself and for leverage to shove into me further. I can't even scream out co-herant words. My back arches up with a few final thrusts and I drop my head back onto Jade's shoulder, Beck's hips are still crashing up into mine. He's stiffening up too. Jade keeps forcing my hips to move through my orgasm as I come hard, my eyes rolling back into my head with a loud scream that she doesn't bother to muffle. My hips snap out of control, and my entire body jerks ungracefully before collapsing on Beck, who shoves up into me one more time before moaning and relaxing himself. As soon, and I mean as SOON, as he's finished, Jade is pulling me off of him. It feels odd when he's pulled out of me, almost empty, but in a good way. The actress sits me down on the floor, pulling a condom off of Beck that I didn't even see was on him. He kisses her and mumbles a loud thank you. She gives him a wink, but turns her attention down to me on the ground... here it comes. She's realized what she's really just done... and she's about to eat me alive.


	6. A One Night Only Offer

**Ok children this took a long time. I'm busy a mother fucking bee. I know it's shorter than usual it only tops out around 5000 but here is how I see it, I gave you TEN thousand words in story alone last time, love me for that ok? Even if it wasn't the best writing. So 5000 is more than most people write for their chapters, be greatful! XD Anyway, here it is, I'll explain some things at the end and I have an important question to ask so read the AN at the end.**

**So everyone knows, my private messaging isn't working. So here is a list of things I can't do as of right now on this site, send pms, read pms, review other stories, look at people's favorite stories or authors, and read my trafic numbers. So I'm sorry. If anyone would like to get a hold of me, shout at me on twitter, LLCoyote duh. What the hell else would it be? No space in that though. I doubt anyone needs anything from me, I'm saying this so the people that offered to beta for me know I'm not blatantly ignoring them, the internet simply HATES me. Speaking of hate, every one has seen Jade's What I Love right? If not GO WATCH IT! IT'S adorable. Anywho, read away my pretties!**

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><p><strong>JADE<strong>

I swear I'm not an idiot. You totally can't tell by how badly I've just fucked up, but damn it I'm smart! I promise! This time it isn't Tori's fault. I've got no one to blame for this fuck up but little ol' me. If not for my raging libido, I wouldn't have a naked half-latina girl at my feet, hands still tied behind her back and holding her breath to keep from crying. I'm pretty sure if I were to just touch her with my toe... I'd break her. That's how utterly fragile I've made her because of one stupid mistake.

I didn't want to think before, that's why I called Tori over for sex. She had made me so angry, so scared, by ignoring me. Anything can happen on the roads of Hollywood, which I simply supposed she was on because I told her to come to me. So when it came past time for her to be here I worried, and by an hour later I was about to pull my hair out thinking something could have happened to her. I don't know if I could live through that. Yes, I DID just say that I'm not sure I can live without Tori Vega. But to find she was with fucking ANDRE after all that time? All that worry turned into anger, and anger turned into me not simply fucking Tori in front of Beck, but letting him fuck her. I wanted her to be hurt too in that split moment, and by the time I didn't want to see her hurt anymore I just wanted to touch her, to see her fucked. Because let me tell you, I have only seen two other people in the world that are that fucking beautiful, I couldn't stop.

But I didn't think it through. I didn't think of what would happen when we were done. If it had only been me fucking her things would have been normal. We would have all moved on just like every damn time Tori and I have sex. Sure it would have been odd for her at first in front of Beck, but she'd have muddled through and probably even liked it. Simple and easy. But I'd taken something from her in a burst of anger... and it was something I couldn't give back. No amount of 'I'm sorry's will help. I can spend all the time I want telling her how amazing she was, how I was proud of her, how this DIDN'T make her a whore... and it wouldn't make her feel like less of one. All because I wanted to throw a fucking temper tantrum! In just an hour's time, I'd taken things further than I'd ever intended to go... DAMN my anger issues.

Beck is watching me from the bed. Eyes dark and intense. His muscles are clenched up despite his release of frustration. Worry is expertly hidden under his actor's mask, but I know him, and I see that it's there in copious amounts. He's waiting for me to say something, give him a blue's clue as to what the hell needs to be done next. The man isn't good with after-sex, even if it's with me. In all fairness, I suck ass at it too. But we love each other, that's what keeps it from being awkward. Usually we're more than content to just lay there, sometimes he smokes but that's about it. We don't need words, we've just made love. It's be stupid to say 'I love you' after showing that to each other with your body. But this wasn't love making tonight, this was us, taking advantage of an innocent girl in an attempt to get the control I so desire.

I give a hateful glare in his direction and Beck takes the hint, rolling onto his side away from us with a loud, unrestricted sigh. Slowly, guiltily, I reach down and pick Tori up from the floor. Her skin is warm under my touch, and damp from sweat. I'm gentle, more so stroking her body to manipulate her into moving where I want than really pulling her. She is trying to get closer to me, press her body into mine. Desperate for comfort, desperate for something that I'm not sure how to give her. (And right now, I'm wishing I could) My hands loop around her back to start to unknot the leather belt, pulling it away from her red, indented flesh. Her face contorts into a visual wince, looking down at the raised red patterns that mimic the ones on the leather. I try my damnedest not to show my own discomfort at the amount of marks on her. Little bites and hickeys, bruises that I wish I could touch gently and rub away... but it doesn't work like that. I can't kiss it and make it better. Hell, me kissing it was what got us into this whole mess!

I grab my clothes from the floor, tossing on my shirt and jerking my pants on, not bothering to adjust anything or put any underwear on. "Come on Tori. I'm taking you home." I say quietly, running my hand down her shoulder. She mutely nods and follows out behind me, wearing only my jacket until I grab her things from the truck and lead her to the car. She still doesn't get dressed. In fact, she isn't moving much at all and every time I move she flinches. For some reason this is killing me. Every time she flinches, it's like shes's just slapped me. It stings on impact and leave a dull, hot throb that I want to rub away... but I can't touch this type of pain. There is nothing I can do to make it leave. I stuff her things into my over sized purse and lean over to pull her pants back on before leaving her alone. I don't really think she's wanting my attention right now... or maybe she is and I can't see it. Like I said, this emotional shit really isn't something I'm good at. I've never once aspired to be good at it either... not until right now.

The car rolls backward out of the drive way and my foot kicks against the gas, sending us zipping down the suburban roads. The air is think in the car, but I'm a little worried about putting the windows down seeing as Tori is barely dressed. My chest puffs gently in and out for air that I can't seem to grasp. With every blinking flash of a passing street light, I let my mind drift further away.

It's so weird. With Beck and Cat, my emotions just come out. I can't stop them. So sometimes I am sweet and mushy (it's rare but it does happen) and sometimes I'm angry or dominant and controlling, but I don't ever have to think about what I'm feeling. It is like water coming through the hole in a dam, it just sprays out and soaks the surrounding earth. They just have to deal with what I give them and usually they seem pleased with that. If they aren't I don't know why the hell they haven't left me. Tori is totally different than that. I'm constantly planning my next move... and I don't know why. Ok that's a lie, yeah I do know the reason. I'm fucking scared. Scared of Tori Vega. Damn that's sick. How low can I possibly go? I'm scared of how she'll respond, and how I'll respond to her response, and how she'll respond to my re-... you get the point right? It's this never ending trail of thoughts that take me deeper and deeper into the corners of my mind.

Corners that, by the way, I never go into. For a damn good reason too. They're gnarled and knotted together with thorns and briars of thoughts and emotions that are just a little too big for me to handle. Thoughts that say that this isn't just about sex anymore, thoughts that accuse me of being as big and controlling of a bitch as my father, and thoughts that genuinely care about Tori Vega. Like I said... this shit is REALLY deep down. Things I deny on a daily basis and I'd lie about in a heart beat. I'm so good at lying about them, if I just don't THINK I can convince myself that the lies are truths. That I'm not that bad of a person, that I don't give a damn about Tori Vega's stupid little feelings, that all I need is sex. All of that can be true if I just don't think!

If we're going to get stupid and sappy here, I guess you can say that is why I'm so hard on Tori. She forces me to think. Even worse, especially at times like this, she makes me WANT to think. Makes me regret not thinking because if I'd have fucking thought for one second I'd have been smart enough to NOT do it. The really screwy part? Not wanting to think at all was what got me here in the first place. You see why I don't go there a lot right? It's confusing as hell.

I shake my head to purge any in coming thoughts and look over at the beautiful latina not even a foot away from me. Her eyes are lidded and dull, but keep flicking around the vehicle... does she think I'm angry with her? Is she angry with me? Maybe she'll think I'm going to snap and murder her for having sex with Beck... Tori Vega, you're going to kill me with all these feelings. I clear my throat awkwardly, driving slowly and carefully for reasons that are beyond me. "How are you doing Tori?" I mumble under my breath, half hoping she doesn't hear me at all. If thinking about this hurts... I can't even imagine how painful talking about it is. The lithe brunette sighs deeply, seemingly in thought. "Fine. That's how you want me to feel... right?" Her tone is flat, a little sardonic. It makes my blood boil in ways I never imagined. How dare she imply that I don't care! I ASKED didn't I? My fist slams against the steering wheel in frustration and she jumped from leaning toward me, to leaning away. If she wants to think I'm a bitch... I'll show her a bitch! I peel the car off of the road and smack the flashers on before turning to face her. It's too dark to see her face, and I don't know if she can see mine.

"Damn it Tori! I don't CARE! I don't care WHAT you feel!" Lies lies lies. The pour out of my mouth like thick, boiling lava. "You can feel what ever you want! Out of all the things I've told you to do, you damn well know I've never told you what to feel!" I yell, jerking myself to face the front and pull against the steering wheel in anger. There is no way I'm touching her, she's hurt enough and I know I'll start hitting if I touch her. Tori jerks the car door open and steps out half naked onto the empty side of the road and before I can even think to stop myself, I'm following her. Too worried to think what might happen to her if I don't. I hate that I am so worried about her safety, I hate that I can't stop being so damn angry at myself right now, I hate that I can't let her know I'm not angry at her and that this is all about me being stupid and childish! I want to protect her right now, help her, but I don't have a damn clue how to do that.

The half latina turns on her heel and glares my way, throwing her hands in the air. She isn't bothering to button the jacket or even hold it closed. "Ok! You wanna know Jade? I feel CHEAP! I just slept with a guy I have no romantic feelings for, that HAS a girlfriend whom I've been screwing around with, and I had oral sex with HER right in front of him! He took my virginity and he didn't even say a word to me afterward, didn't even LOOK my way." She screams. I wince and almost tell her to stop yelling but I really don't think she needs that right now. Let's just hope the neighborhood doesn't hear. Her hands grip her hair and pull hard on it, strands start to break off, and the skin is getting redder by the second until I reach out and forcibly remove them. Now her face is less than a few inches from mine. She's breathing heavily into my face. Her thick sent is permeating my senses and making it harder for me to think. Mint and chocolate. Not now West! FOCUS!

Her screaming breaks my train of thoughts. "I feel SCARED! Thinking any second you're going to rip me apart for touching Beck! And because I realized I just can't say no to you! I've tried so many times!" She jerking in my grasp, trying to get away from me. Away from my unreadable expression and hard eyes that aren't giving her the comfort she needs. Tears are running down her face like tiny streams. Distress is coming off of her in powerful waves... and it hurts. I hurt FOR her because I never meant to do this. Sure, I wanted to fuck her up a little bit. She needed it. Her attitude was just begging for an adjustment... but it wasn't ever supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt her so bad. Or was it? Over a month ago I truly didn't care, I wanted her out of me life by any means. Now... damn it everything is so different.

My grip remains iron clad against her bony wrists, I don't want to hurt her but I'm worried she'll hurt herself if I don't contain her. The slender girl is in hysterics, pushed totally over the edge. All I know how to do is stop her from hurting herself... but I have no idea how to stop her from hurting. Her breath is coming out in desperate heaves, a struggle for more air into her lungs that are constricted by her trembling body."Lastly I feel CONFUSED! I don't know why you made me do it! And what it means about me or you or him or what is going to happen now! WHY! Why on earth would you want that? Why. Why. WH-" I shove her off of me with a growl, letting her hit the ground with a thump. I can't listen to her scream at me any more, so I cut her off. "Because you SCARED ME!" I yell. Unrestricted and angry. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't keep hold of my cool any more. Her pain was so strong, radiating around in the air. It infected me. No more passive mask to hide who I really was. I had to let that go... she couldn't think I was a monster. I won't let her think that! She's too damn important to think that! So in a rush of fury... I just blurted it out. Which leaves me here now, wide eyed and panting. Panic is striking as the realization of what I just told her is setting in.

Silence. Deafening, painful, silence. Tori's chest is heaving, she's looking at me with huge eyes. I know I'd told her I worried before, and sure she's seen me startled... but scared isn't really an emotion I show people. Not real, gripping, lasting fear. The kind of scared that makes you run home to mommy. The REAL kind. The kind that doesn't fade after a few moments. Now I'm not just scared. I'm scared and hurting... I know she hasn't seen that.

"I-I was so scared because I thought you were on the road and it had been over an hour! It only takes 15 minutes to get to Beck's from your house! And you didn't even CALL! It's HOLLYWOOD! Crazy shit happens on these roads! I should know because I DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC!" I'm shouting and pacing, throwing my arms in the air like some drunk, Italian maniac. " If something happened to you out there I just..." I pause, dropping my head into my hands to try and force myself to shut up. I'm opening up in ways I shouldn't. Opening up means letting her in, means more thinking, more emotions, I don't know if I can handle that. I'm already consumed with her as it is. I clench my fists and punch the hood of the car, the red paint chips under my ring. "Then I find out you were with Andre just... just ignoring me and I lost it! I didn't have enough time to calm down and THINK you were there and he was there and you, YOU would NOT SHUT UP! I couldn't get a grip so all of that fear turned to anger and damn it I wanted you to be scared too! I wanted you to HURT!" I scream, my voice is raw on truthful for once. I'm not the put together Jade I'm supposed to be.

I can't turn around. Tori doesn't need to see the tears slipping down from my eyes that I wipe away roughly. A light from the house who's yard I'm practically parked in flicks on, and I see the shadow of a person on the porch. "Get back in the car Tori." I growl quietly, as to not draw any more attention to us. Even though I'm not looking, I hear her scramble up off the ground and jerk at the door. Neither of us say a word once our doors slam and the engine revs back to life. The gentle vibration of the car working beneath us is the only audible sound. My head falls against the steering wheel. "For what it's worth Tori... I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry it isn't funny. For real this time it's not some stupid, half hearted apology to get my way. I'll take you home." I pull myself up, jerk the car into gear and cautiously get back onto the road. I could care less about my safety, like I said I drive like a mad woman, Tori's safety on the other hand is not something I'm willing to fuck around with all of the sudden. "Then this is over. We're stopping. I'll leave you alone." I promise. It's killing me. Damn it why does this hurt? It isn't supposed to hurt. Not ME at least.

Her hand is on mine in an instant and I can hear her crying loudly now, "No! No! NO! You hear me Jade! I said NO! That's not fair! You can't just drop me like garbage! Not after this! I had sex with Beck because I thought you wanted IT! I gave IT to you! That can't just mean NOTHING." She says, putting emphasis on each it. My head tilts and a steal a glance out of the corner of my eye, "What are you talking about?" This time there is genuine confusion weighing in my tone. Tori practically shoves me, "My virginity Jade! You couldn't take it from me so you had Beck take it and I thought it was because you wanted me! All of me! I don't know WHY you have to have everything but I gave it to you." Malice laces her tone and before I can stop myself, I say something stupid. Something I can't ever take back. It's possibly the most honest thing I've ever said. "It's simple Tori! It's fucking elementary it's so simple! I'm SELFISH! I'm so fucking SELFISH that I want it all. So I TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU BECAUSE I WANT IT AND I NEED IT! DAMN IT VEGA! GET YOUR FUCKING HAND OFF OF ME!" I screech, shoving her so hard that she hits the door with a yelp.

She doesn't bounce back the way I wish she would. Her body doesn't come back toward me. The broken hearted brunette slumps against the door the rest of the ride home, and as soon as I stop the car, she's out. But I'm on her like a hound on a fox. Her legs are long, and more toned. She obviously works out and I can't be bothered with that. Some how I keep pace with her though, sticking my hand into the slamming door and not even stopping when it crushes my fingers in a symphony of angry cracks. I shoulder the wood and it opens. Tori is already half way up the stairs. I massage my hurt fingers and try to quietly make my way up. Thank goodness her parents are out of town again. Who the hell knows where the whack job of a sister she has is.

Tori's door isn't shut, it's barely cracked. Only some light pours through the meager space, which fades as my shadow invades the area. I pause at the door way. This isn't something I'm good at and so far I've only made it worse. I make it a promise to myself not to yell anymore. It's Tori's turn to be in charge. I'll never let her know that but right now, I force myself to do what she wants. If she asks me to stay, I'll stay. If she asks me to go... then this is really over. I gulp so hard the air is literally painful as it presses down my throat and nudge the door open with my foot.

She's sitting on the end of her bed, cross legged with her arms folded over her belly. As the door creaks open, her eyes lift to look into mine. Fresh with tears. In that second, I wonder if she ran out of fear, or hurt. I didn't even think about that before I barged in. It was just a natural reaction. She ran, I chased. Like a lioness on a buffalo. No thought had to be given into coming after my prey. And just like the lion, hunger and suffering will come if I can't catch her. I lick my dry lips and duck my head a little, not coming any closer. Not encroaching on her space. Despite my metaphor, I'm not running in here guns blazing and claws out anymore. Now that, I've realized where I am, and what got me here I'm being as cautious as I can.

"Didn't it mean anything? I just... I proved that I would give up anything for you. Didn't that mean... anything?" She practically pleads. I wish I could tell her. I wish I could let her know that it's the exact opposite. It means everything to me. The idea that one person could have so little left, and continue to give it so freely to a greedy, hungry lioness is astounding. I've never had any one in my life give that much. Not even half that much. They set limits, boundaries, rules and sure, I break them when ever I feel like it but the REAL point is that they set them to begin with. Like little red lights or signs that say 'No Jade beyond this point'. And as much as I hate rules, I actually liked that. It was safe. There was never any risks of getting caught in a crash in the middle of the intersection. I never chanced getting hit by some metaphorical truck of emotion. It was just that simple.

Tori has a way of making things so... un-simple. She's like driving on a back country road. No signs, no lights, no warnings. You never know if some unsuspecting emotion is going to jump out in front of the car to be squashed like a road kill rabbit. There are too many turns to keep your bright lights on, so you can't see where to go. And yet, you can't take your foot off of the accelerator. There are no stop lights or cops to stop you, so you can't resist the urge to speed along Tori lane, and if you hit something, get out and try to apologize or fix it. There is nothing simple about Tori. Nothing simple about how she sets no boundaries.

I take a cautious step forward and the floor softly creaks at the added weight. "It means something Vega, but it doesn't mean anything good." I try to keep the caustic air in my tone to a minimum. Before she can speak, I try to keep going. "It means you can't stop giving. You just don't know how... and I'll never stop taking. It's who I am. Which is why I said we're stopping." I try to say it lightly, let her know it's not a command but a question. Give me props for at least TRYING. She sighs and stays silent, thinking for what feels like the longest time. Trying to add up how much left she actually has left before I drain her. Before she's mine completely and for good. Just like everyone else I've ever touched.

I stare hard at her in those few minutes. Despite me knowing she sleeps enough, she looks so damn tired. Her hair is frizzy and a mess, her eyes are glossy but dull, I can see little cracks in her lips where she's licked them raw, and her shoulders are set downward in a permanent slouch. Do I look that way too? I feel that way right now. Like my legs are about to give out. My head will hit this carpet and my mind will just shut off. It wants to so badly. The blackness of sleep is something my body and mind are begging me for, even though I've had more than enough of it the night before.

She looks up at me in clear confusion. She wants answers and I don't blame her, I'd be happy with some explanations myself. I feel this nagging pull in my gut to say something but I'm not sure how. I've been a bitch for as long as I can remember, and I'm not sure I want to stop that for any extended period of time... "Listen... Tori." I say as gently as possible, "This is me. You've had... a month of me. There's no other Jade under this one. Forget all the bullshit I've told you because it doesn't get better, it doesn't get easier. You have to decide if it's worth it or not." She looks down at her hands, tapping them over her ribs as I speak. I can't seem to stop talking though, " Tori you can't ask me to change, because I never will... but, if you want... I mean just for tonight... you could be mine, and... I could try to be yours too. If you want. Just tonight, we could make nothing else matter." Wow... did I turn into Cat there for a second? Because that's exactly like something she'd say.

Tori's thin arms reach up and out toward me. She's holding her breath and giving me a look of silent agreement. That same look like I'm gold, the one that says I mean more than I ever should to her. It says I'm worth it. I swallow thickly and step into her arms, pressing my lips against her forehead and then against her lips. She slides back further onto her bed and lays down. My jacket falls open to show her temporarily marred flesh, and gives way to a painful stab of regret as I'm forced to face what I've done. Her hands are rubbing my sides in a way that sets me on fire without turning me on. It's an entirely different feeling. It's a literal warmth that spreads through me. Her flat hands don't grip or pull at me, they stroke over my skin, feeling every inch against the palms and fingers. I pull my jacket off of her and toss it to the floor. We share a mutual glance of exhaustion and it snuffs out any thoughts of sex. Which is sad, because I don't know if this same person she's touching right now will be here when she wakes up.

Can I be this Jade forever? Her Jade. Right now it feels so good. Right now I can't remember why I want Beck's toned muscles against me, or Cat's soft skin brushing mine. I can't begin to imagine making Tori cry, or seeing her face contort in the pain and shame I often dress her in. Right now. Right now, now, now. I'm so damn consumed with right now. Could I always be this Jade? This harmless Jade that she's making me? The one that's laying gentle kisses to every bruise on her body, paired with an apology or a compliment. Why AM I any other Jade than this one? Suddenly I can't remember what made me so mean in the first place. It doesn't matter than my father hates me, because Tori's hand is stroking my side. I couldn't give a rat's ass that my family thinks I'm a total freak, because her lips are gentle against my ear. So what if Hollywood is hard, if show business breaks people, because she's Tori... and right now, I'm hers. Her Jade doesn't care about any of that crap. She doesn't have to, because she has something that means so much more.

At some point, I take a pair of her night pants for me, and dress her in an appropriate night shirt as we fall into the sheets. We're each dressed half in our clothes and half in one another's. Her body curls ever so slightly against mine and I tangle my legs and arms in hers as she falls asleep with her face in my neck. How long did we just sit there and kiss, just FEEL each other? I steal a glance at the clock. It's past 5 am. Hours. We've been doing that for hours, content to do nothing else but feel. Her breathing regulates against my shoulder. Her hands are tangled into my hair, and my own hands are stroking her brown locks, lulling her further into sleep. Once I know she's asleep, I kiss her forehead one last time. "Tori... I think I'm in love with you." I whisper... knowing nothing but the air around me can hear... It's safer that way.

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><p><strong>I'm bending my rule. I was going to make Jade be a total sociopath but the more I think about it, I feel like I can show she has some feelings, brief as they may be, and leave the character in tact. I think you're going to be a little surprised at the NEXT chapter though. So did it work for you? Let me know if I changed her too much. When I write, I try to become that person, and I didn't feel like a different person, just a more expressive one. Come on, Tori had sex with Beck as per Jade's instruction, of course it'll lead to a blow up, and when someone blows up with emotion, after the adrenaline rush, there is usually a drop in d<strong>opamine<strong> and a small release of endorphins, at least I THINK that's how it works. So that is why Jade got all sweet from a science-y stand point... but what do you think? Will she change after this? Are they in love? I already have my end chapter written, there is only one more story chapter. I might break the end up into two chapters I might not. Question though, (and this probably won't help even if you do want it) do you want Tori to end up with Jade? I'm not doing a sequel right now, I know I said I would... but now I'm seeing SO MANY Jori fics and I'm stale on the pairing for right now. Cade is my origional love and it's either that or an OC story after this. Let me know what you think.**


	7. The Luck Monster Ending 1

**Hey kiddes! Soooo... don't HATE me. After this chapter some of you may want to but don't! I'm very sorry about the lack of updates. My life has been insane. I found out my grandmother has stage four cancer (which is why this chapter is so fucking emo) my mother's horse has had lameness issues, I've been substitute teaching, going to school, working out, and on top of that I have 14 animals that demand my constant attention. So, sorry about the absence. **

**GOOD news! The good news is this is only ONE ENDING. I have two. So for those of you that are like 'Girl, wtf? This was a big pile of doo doo!"... please do not tell me and hold out for the next ending. If you don't like that then you can pull down my pants and kiss my ass. XD The second ending is actually how I was going to primarily end the story, but it's taking a lot of ass work to put together. It will be two chapters that are shaping up to be bears. As a warning, part of this chapter (the beginning) will be the beginning to the other ending's chapter one. I know it sounds confusing right now but when you see it, you'll get it. So keep in mind the two chapters after this are not a continuation of this chapter. It is nearly finished, so give me some time and it'll be up. Also I have two stories I want to do next and a one shot. I'm not sure on which I'd rather do, and two stories at once is just too fucking crazy. So I have a Bade story, and I have a Cade story (chapter one is nearly written on that one) let me know which you'd like to see. It may not matter but I'd still like to hear your opinions. If not for your opinions I wouldn't have wrote two endings to this story, so look you can get a stubborn bitch to change her mind! PEACE COOKIES**

**WARNING: This chapter gets a little dark (not bad actually imo but I have to warn you guys). Please read with that in mind.  
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><p><strong><span>TORI<span>**- **_Two weeks later Saturday_**

I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too. You're thinking that night a couple of weeks ago was a defining moment in Jade's life and our relationship changed completely. Well... you're sort of right and in a way you're completely wrong. Our relationship has changed but... I'm not sure if it's a good change. Let me give a quick summery of what happened after that night.

I woke up to an empty bed the next morning and my heart kind of shattered. It took me an hour just to get my shower done because I was too busy having a pity party for myself. I'd imagined a whole new relationship with Jade, even though she said it was a one night only deal. I could have just sworn though that... I saw something akin to love in her dark eyes. I guess I was seeing things though.

On my way down the stairs, the first thing I noticed was Trina, sitting stiffly on the couch. Her back was rigid and she wasn't looking at the TV... she was looking at something on the opposite sofa. It wasn't like she looked afraid, more so confused and uncomfortable. I rounded the couch to say good morning as a familiar voice rang through the air. "Damn Vega, I thought you drowned yourself in the shower." Jade said, laying in a position that was impossible to see from the stairs, watching the Spanish soap opera that Trina had on the TV. I know she speaks a little Spanish, but I doubt she understands what's going on in the program... I was just happy to see her there. The shattered pieces of my heart kicked it into reverse and repaired themselves in a matter of seconds. Jade was HERE... that meant something right? She could have snuck off... but she's here. The thought gave me a bit of comfort.

We skipped school that day and Jade took me out to breakfast that morning. I'm not sure if it was considered a date or not. She wouldn't let me pay though, and I'm sure that has to do with her control issues. Or her pride. Probably both. The point is she went out somewhere with me. She didn't hide it or seem embarrassed to be there with me sticking to her heel like an old piece of gum. I was amazed how she could just make such a huge change to our relationship like it took no more effort than throwing away a piece of old paper. She owned it, and it was very apparent to everyone in the restaurant that she owned ME. Her hands were constantly on me, eyes dared anyone to look in my direction or vice versa, and she spoke firmly. It was always 'we' or 'our' or 'my' in the conversations we had. It was like I only partially owned anything, she was claiming a piece or all of everything I know. It was scary and flattering at the same time.

She didn't freak out so much about me hanging with Cat the next week, which made both of us breathe easier, but I noticed she was always in ear shot. Listening or watching what we were doing like an annoyed chaperone. Cat would roll her eyes and tell me not to worry about it. At least we were getting to spend any time together at all. But Jade relaxing her rules was starting to make me worry. It was becoming more apparent to everyone that we were closer now, and I'm not sure WHAT her motive is for letting me get closer with Cat again. I'm a little scared Jade is going to use me to drag Cat into this... and how could I do that to one of the sweetest most innocent people I know? Why else would Jade want me to be closer to her? I refuse to corrupt such a sweet young girl... I doubt I could if I tried anyway. Maybe I'm over thinking it though, as usual. Maybe Jade is starting to trust me a little bit more now that we're changing a little bit. Jade's probably just sticking around to make sure I don't blab to Cat about what we do.

On another note, it seems now she's changed her mind and it's Andre she doesn't want me around... or Robbie, or any of my friends outside of Beck, Cat, and of course herself. Andre is the worst though. She literally told me if I ever put him above her again she'd make sure I was 'punished' for it. Jade has never used that word so bluntly before... and it's terrifying. Sure, I know she's punished me before but I she didn't come out and tell me that's what she was doing. I'm not sure if she even considers those little things punishment. So if she's serious enough to use the word punishment and threaten me with it... I know I'd better listen.

I feel bad though, Jade constantly calls me away when I'm talking to him or just literally drags me out of the conversation without a word, Beck will trail behind us quietly, giving a sympathetic smile to his best friend but for the most part supporting his girlfriend's decision. I can't bare to look at Andre in those moments, searing with anger and jealousy and suspicion. It's almost like he hates me in those moments. A week ago he punched Sinjin's locker so hard it dented and came off of the hinges... Jade's glare told me not even to turn around. It's not like I could have stopped him anyway. He's angry at ME... So for the most part I've learned to avoid him and stick with Jade and Beck... which isn't as bad as you'd think.

She's brutal still, relentless and most of the time only cares about herself but there is something else. It's like she isn't constantly trying to drag me down anymore, if she does I don't think she means to. For instance this thing with Andre, it genuinely seems like she isn't doing this to hurt my feelings. I think she feels bad about it sometimes but... Jade never talks about that. She never talks about any feelings SHE has. Only mine. I'm the weaker one in the relationship, at least that's how she sees me, and only the weak show emotion. Things like that make Jade really hard to live with, and they hurt, but she isn't trying to cut me down... just keep me from raising back up. If I'm a bird, she clips my wing. She makes it so I'm unsteady and torn, slicing away any hope of flying up into the sky and joining the realm I used to live in. A place where people are kinder, and relationships are healthy, where all you have to worry about is when the new episode of American Idol is coming on, not whether or not the woman you love is going to loose it and accidentally hurt you in her lust for sex and power. Jade doesn't want me up there... she wants me down here with her... and I kind of want to stay.

Jade has a way of making people want her that I can't even explain to you. Sinjin, Robbie, Beck, Cat, me and I'm sure countless others do everything they can to just be included in her life for a few precious seconds. We want the treasure that is Jade's love even if it's the most brutal part of her. She'll never show it, but I think Jade does have feelings for me... which is much worse than her feeling nothing at all for me. If she did love me (I so doubt it) or show any more feeling for me than she does now, I'm sure it would crush me completely. Even this tiny display of emotion she gives right now is brutal and hard. It comes with heavy hands and jealousy, harsh scoldings and possessiveness. Yet I love it. I love her, and I can't stop that anymore. The angry moments pass, and give way to an almost tolerable Jade. One that's really cool, intelligent, sarcastically funny, extremely interesting and sometimes... sometimes I can just barely see in those moments after a bout of harsh sex or late at night when she's too tired to think... Jade is broken. Not just a little bit. Jade is broken in every way... shattered even. The pieces broken pieces seem shattered to the point of dust. I only catch glimpses and I'll never know why because I most certainly won't ask... but it's there and I'm realizing she hurts people because she's hurting too. That reality makes me much more tolerant.

And then there is Beck. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look him in the eye again. After having sex with a man you barely know... how are you supposed to respond? Beck handled it with grace though. Grace only a true actor could possibly muster up. He and I talked (with much protest from me) about what happened that night in depth. He explained things about having sex with Jade that I did not and do not understand, but some how they made me feel less cheap. The young actor even told me he had feelings for me, and that night definitely meant something to him... but I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't feel the same. I was, and am, far too consumed with his girlfriend to feel anything for him. However when I told Jade about this revelation (in a poor attempt to make her angry at Beck) she chuckled and shrugged, I don't think she cared in the slightest. She seemed to know that everyone's loyalties were with her, and there was no chance of us running off together. I think we all (Jade included) knew, and know that Beck loves Jade , so who cares if he has 'feelings' for anyone else?

So that's been the past week and... 9 days to be exact. Yeah, if you think it's a lot just to hear about, try living it. Oddly enough I don't feel as overwhelmed as I'm sure I should. Sure, there are times when I want to pull every hair out of my head with my bare hands, but I don't cry as much as I did the first month I was with Jade. I'm not so confused anymore. The understanding gives me the ability to cope with the pain that I'm madly in love with a woman who is incapable of loving me back and the challenges that come from just trying to fit into her life while handling school and an ever dwindling social life.

My eyes look over at the clock for the millionth time in the last hour. Saturdays are the days Jade and I spend together. Rarely through the week and never one Sundays for reasons I do not know. (But I highly doubt it's because of a religious nature) But in the time we've spent together, more than two months (nearly three) she hasn't missed a single Saturday with me. Sometime around ten she'll be at my door, grumbling about how long it takes me to 'Respond to the damn doorbell'. But it's 10:53 and Jade is no where in sight. She's never shown up later than 10:11. I know because I'm insane for her and count the seconds until she graces me with her presence.

The carpet gives and sways under my feet, muffling silent thumps. I'm pacing in front of the door. Genuinely worried. She hasn't even called me. She always calls me when she's on her way, or to make some snide, perverted comment about me being ready for her. Not even a single text. No personal messages from the slap, or status updates. I even texted Beck and Cat, who replied with ,"Dunno she's all yours on Saturdays" and "This one time my brother was late to come home from the special hospital and we found out he was stealing bananas from zoo monkeys." Needless to say NEITHER answer helped me. Cat's kind of concerned me a bit. If I wasn't so freaked out I'd ask why her brother didn't just buy his own freaking bananas.

The clock hands shift one by one, sliding slot by slot up to the 11. Eleven o'clock... no Jade. By 11:15 I'm literally feeling nauseous. This is getting really uncomfortable. I've texted her a few times but got nothing. Maybe she's decided to get more pay back for the Andre thing and she's trying to let me know how she felt... but she seemed genuinely sorry for what happened with Beck. Isn't that me suffering enough? I'm not like her. I can't just sit and stew, trowing on a 'Fuck you leave me alone' face. I'm going CRAZY! I've tried everything to calm down and it only seems to lead to me being even more upset. It's 11:20 and I'm starting to think the only relief from this worry is to kill myself... or to go find Jade.

At exactly 11:32 I'm in the car and headed towards Jade's house. I've never been to Jade's but I DO know her address. I heard Cat talking about what a funny name Jade's street had and like all other information about Jade, it stuck like glue. A GPS on my phone takes care of the rest. The annoying animatronic voice steering me down the streets at a less than lawful pace. My high anxiety seems to be seizing control of my brain and forcing my foot down harder than I am comfortable with. I'm not only worried about Jade now, I'm worried about me. I don't think I'm allowed to do this. Sure, Jade and I have been closer but I can assure you that there is a 90 percent chance the rules about me pursuing her haven't changed. At the very least she slams the door in my face, at the most... I shiver. Those aren't thoughts I enjoy having.

Heffermuffin street. It is a funny name. For those in the mood for laughter or mild amusement. I'm not feeling up to either right now. The neighborhood looks a little sketchy but Jade's mom is single, raising two kids. It'd be stupid to expect anything fancy. It's not like that time we all got caught in the cupcake or anything. It just isn't your quiet, sun shinny, stylish Hollywood street. It's old. Very very old. The houses are all from the 60's or earlier by the looks of them. Bungalows and English cottage style homes were mixed together crudely with contemporary American housing in an almost violent clash of the decades. Most of the modern houses had overgrown yards, boxed in possessively by chain length fencing. The older cottages cling desperately to their heritage having rusted, paint chipped, iron bars protecting their perimeter with fading strength and ever growing ivy. California bungalows were painted with loud, tacky colors from styles past that no one ever bothered to update. The neighborhood appears to be desperately trying to catch up to the times, but without the proper care to be brought up to speed with the 21st century.

I kill the car on the curb in front of an old English cottage surrounded by a very modern, seven foot security fence. From my angle in the car I can barely see the bottom of the roof. I check the address again. Yup. This is it. Even out of the car, my perception of the home is limited. The well maintained russet paint on the fence, plays with my eyes. Clogging them with more and more of the oppressive color until I'm standing nearly nose to plank, and it's all I can see. I grip the iron handle, warmed from the mid-day sun, and twist. Surprisingly it opens with no more than a click and a gentle tug. I slip into the small opening I've made and onto the lawn.

To my great relief there isn't a string of bodies hanging by ropes around their necks from dead trees, crows picking their eyes from respective sockets. No caldron bubbles with blood and no children are cowering in cages on the lawn. It's... normal. Old, totally. Unkempt, for the most part... but it's surprisingly unsurprising. The house (in it's glory days) was probably a gentle blue but has faded to a slate gray. The roof is a rusty red, sidewalk a dingy white, covered with cracks and stained from the years. Green grass is kept almost uniformly in shape, and a small flower garden wraps around the front of the house, for the most part forgotten and unmanaged. A smaller, newer wing has been very obviously attached to the right side of the main house and unlike the rest of the building it is only one story. A car sits in the drive way, unsheltered from the elements and telling me that people ARE here. They only have one car. The only odd thing about the house is the fact it has too many windows. It seems where ever they could stick a window, they did and then slopped some yellow paint around it's frame.

I try and shake my nerves, stepping up to the sheltered door into the shade and pressing the bell once. Not a sound. I press my ear to the door and ring again. Again nothing. After a third press I conclude the bell is broken and resort to thumping against the hard oak door with my fist. The impact hurts my hand, and barely makes a sound. Surprisingly though, movement can be heard inside the house. A thundering of footsteps down a flight of stairs, then a hard thunk against the door from the other side and a muffled 'ow'. The handle twists and clicks and jiggles around before the door finally swings open. My eyes are met with air, so I lower them until they focus on a small boy, probably no more than 8 years old.

Dark brunette, greenish blue eyes, round face, toned body, coy grin. Yup, he's Jade's brother. His smile seems more genuine, untouched by the bitterness of the world that infects his sister like a disease. He leans against the door frame, folding his arms over his chest and resting the weight on his shoulder. "Yeah? What's up?" He asks casually, like he's known me forever and that my appearance on his doorstep isn't strange or new. I gape for a minute. I know it sounds completely absurd but I'd actually hoped Jade would answer the door and I wouldn't be meeting her family. It's nothing against them, I was just so consumed with Jade (as usual) that I didn't prepare to deal with anyone else. So I stare stupidly at the young boy, mouth parted and breath caught in my chest, trying to force words from my lips.

"Jordan, who is it?" A distant, higher pitched voice calls from down the hall of the house. The kid shrugs and kicks off the door frame, "Some hot chick, she's not saying anything though." He turns his back to me while he speaks and without closing the door, walks off into the house. I crane my neck to see a woman popping out of a side hall way, swatting at the boy. "Jordan Brighton West we don't talk about people like that!" She whispers in a tone far too loud to go unheard by me. Jordan gives his mother an odd look and stomps off without another word to her. I wonder if bad attitudes are contagious or genetic, because the longer I look the more Jade I see in the little boy.

A tall, raven haired woman blocks my vision of the retreating child. Her face is a little bit sharper than Jade's, more pointed and time has worn on certain places yet some how she looks more friendly than Jade. "I... I'm sorry can we help you with something sweetie?" She asks. Concern etches over her lips and brow, clearly reflecting in her voice and eyes. I give myself a mental kick in the butt and attempt to clear my throat. I end up coughing awkwardly, strangling on nothing before my voice finally finds it's way back to my throat, "I'm Tori Vega... I'm a friend of Jade's and I just wanted to se-" "Oh! Oh you're a friend of Jadelyn's! Please, come in! Come on dear. I'm Vivian West it's so nice to see a friend of Jadelyn." She cuts me off mid-sentance in a rushed and almost relieved tone. Like it's a miracle I showed up on her stoop.

Her strong hands tug me through the door, long fingers twisted around my arm carefully as to not poke me with her lengthy wine red nails. "Jadelyn is in her room, it's right up the stairs on your left... trust me you'll be able to tell it's her's." That last part is said flatly, and without a smile. She corrects herself and grins again, patting my shoulder, "Just holler if you girls need anything." I nod, completely overwhelmed by how fast she said all of that and just disappeared into the next room. When I pictured Jade's mom... that so wasn't the woman I was seeing in my head. I was expecting a strict, angry woman who I'd have to fight to get in the door.

For the millionth time I shake my head. Jade. I need Jade right now. She's too close for me to be able to stand not seeing her. Knowing she's here and that the house isn't in utter chaos gives me some hope... and some worry. Maybe Jade just didn't want me today. I physically wince. That thought hurt, but I wouldn't put it past her to pull away after being close. Well not close but, more than what we were at least. Oh you get my point! It'd be just like her to ruin my sweet torture right now because that's just the type of person she is. No one is too close. I doubt I'll ever even get to be as close to her as Beck is.

Slowly, I walk down the brightly lit hall toward the stair case. My boots tap softly against the hard wood with every step. The wall is covered in pictures. Small collages bunched together in between larger family portraits. A woman and a man. A woman and a man with a baby girl. A woman and a man with a young girl and a baby boy. There are a couple like that, showing a smiling Jade age through the years. Portrait after portrait of the family of four passes, and I see Jade's smile slowly turn into a fake, forced, almost grimace of an expression. Suddenly, about half way down the hall, two faces disappear from the photos. Jade and her father. Jordan isn't too much younger than he is now. When DID Jade's dad leave them? It couldn't have been too long ago. My toe taps against the stairs and I catch the railing to stay up right.

I wring my purse strap between my fingers, mumbling encouraging words to myself. I don't know if the truth behind Jade's absence will be about something trivial, or about me. The hardwood stairs end and I'm met with a blanket of white carpet beneath my boots. I slowly make my way to the door on the left. It's Jade's alright. It's unmistakably Jade's. The poor thing looks like it's been stabbed and slashed about a million times. There is a broken, single blade of a pair of scissors stuck in the frame. The striations in the wood say someone has tried to remove them and just can't. Unless that little boy has extreme psychological problems, this is Jade's door.

I tap lightly against the ruined wood... no answer. Carefully, I place my fingers so they won't get splintered as I thump harder against the door. Nothing. A frustrated growl escapes my throat. This is ridiculous. I'm going in. My hand grips the handle and twists far too violently, I had expected it to be locked. To my surprise it was wide open. I figured Jade would have at least 20 locks and maybe a barricade on the other side of the door but I'm met with no resistance what so ever. The air immediately thickens. Mint and coffee invade my sense and clog my brain with an almost over baring Jade smell. It's like opening a bottle of perfume... Jade from concentrate. I peek in through a small crack. Not much can be seen from my position, but if I had to guess I'd say that was Jade lying on her side, facing away from the door and... either shaking or crying. Either one doesn't sit well with me. I dare to crack the door wider, the hot air clinging to my lungs as I breathe.

"Jade?" I whisper. A loud snort and a grunt come from the actress, and she makes no move to turn and see me. "Go away Tori." She barks. There's no question in her voice, it's not an offer, it'd a command. But I can't go. Not without answers to what ever is going on. I push through the door and toward the bed without another word, I know she can hear me coming though, because she stiffens considerably. "Damn Vega how thick are you I said leave!" I half expect her to throw something at me by the end of her comment, but she lays there still as a board. When my knees hit the edge of the bed I gulp, I haven't a clue what I should say to her. I didn't think any of this through. All I did was come running after her.

My hands pick at her comforter as I stupidly try and think of something to say. Something good enough to make her let me stay. I take in an unstable breath, "You didn't come." Genius Tori, just freaking genius. I'm sure she never saw that coming. She probably will be surprised she isn't at your house right now! Ugh, sometimes I hate my mouth. It never comes up with anything good to say. Jade sniffs quietly from the bed and I see her hiccup slightly. "You ever stop to think maybe that was because I didn't want to see you?" She hisses hatefully... but it sounds empty. It sounds like a poorly constructed lie. "Yes but you know I um, I just," I trail off and pause, my feet are backing toward the door without my brain's consent, "It's stupid. I know you don't want me here but I was worri-"

"I don't want you here." She says, sniffling again but sitting up straight on the bed. The back of her hand swipes over her eyes (which are still veiled by her hair) before she slaps it down against the mattress a few times. "Sit down Vega. Just keep your distance." She grunts, leaning into the wall. Her body is slumped over, and she looks beat. I don't have to be asked twice though, I'm practically running to her bedside before she can think to take it back. "I thought you didn't want me here?" I slide down on the very edge of the bed as I ask, squinting to try and see her face better. She raises her head, flicking hair over her shoulders. Her eyes are puffy, and she's clearly been crying, "Does it matter? You're obviously not leaving." Is all she says arms crossing over her chest.

We fall into an uncomfortable silence... at least for me. She watches me blankly, her entire body limp. Seemingly content to just stare at me. I squirm under her gaze. Usually it's fine to have Jade stare at me, as long as she isn't angry, but I have a lot of questions and they itch around behind my lips, begging to be let out. "So..." I say, patting my own legs in nervousness. Jade snorts humorlessly and slumps further into the pillows, leaning her head back to stare at the ceiling. "Why did you come?" She asks in a tone that sounds much more angry than she looks right now. I shrug lamely for the millionth time, "Saturdays are our days." Like I'm telling her something she doesn't know. It was Jade who MADE Saturdays our days. She doesn't mock me though, she nods and crosses her legs. "Are... you ok?" I mumble. For a minute or two she doesn't answer me but eventually she nods, "Peachy. Can't you see me jumping for joy?"

Her arm reaches up, nestling her eyes in the crook of her elbow and blindfolding herself from the sun pouring through the window. I'm fully aware that she's being sardonic but I answer anyway, "No... why are you acting so weird?" I lean forward on the bed, trying to get closer to her. She raises her arm to look at me and jumps slightly at how close I've gotten., "What the hell ARE you doing?" Her hand motions to my upper body which is now leaning over her awkwardly. It's actually a really good question. I sort of just kept inching forward until I was hovering over her legs. I straighten up and shake my head. "N-nothing... nothing at all." I say, shuffling over to the wall. Jade sighs and points to a stack of dvds in the corner, "Quit being weird. Put a movie in or something." I find her statement completely ironic... because she is the one being weird. I've actually never seen her act so strange and jumpy. One minute her back is to me, clearly crying, now she's staring at me like a zombie and telling me to put in a movie.

I do what she asks though, crawling over to the pile and picking through it. The site makes me pause and I hear Jade chuckle. "Where are all the horror films?" I mumble more so to myself, shoving movie after movie aside, "The cheaply made snuff films?" I've gone through about 20 dvds now and I don't see any sign of gory, dark, bloody horror flicks. Most of them are old films, like 1950's and earlier old. I've never ever heard of half of the titles. "Death fascinates me Vega, but it doesn't turn me on. I don't own any snuff films, and I have a weird thing for old silent films. Here, put that one in." She urges, pointing to my right hand. The title reads "The Man Who Laughs" with a picture of a joker like gentleman and a sleeping woman on the cover. Intrigued I pop it into the player and go over to the window, shutting the blinds before going back to the bed. Jade slides over to click the lamp light off and the room falls into complete darkness.

I can't help but notice ten minutes into the movie that Jade isn't watching the screen. She's looking her hands, flexing and releasing them over and over. Her creamy white palms are dotting with irritated red marks. Trying to distract her, I slide closer and press into her side. Amazingly the actress doesn't push me away. She doesn't exactly wrap her arms around me for cuddles but she isn't kicking me onto the floor... little victories I guess. My attention turns back to the film. It's sad really, I don't know why Jade would want to watch it. The whole thing is about a boy who's father is killed, and then his face is surgically disfigured so that all he can do is grin. It's one of those 'pitiful monster' type of movies... and I wonder if Jade is trying to say something about herself by watching it with me. Does she see herself as a monster? Is she happy with that? Does she think anybody could really love someone like her? Even if she isn't trying to tell me something... I can't help but think those thoughts. I guess because part of me sees her as a monster. An unlovable killer that may mean well, but is still a cool murderess that can never be truly good. I don't like thinking that about her... I don't like having those feelings in me.

The picture suddenly stops, and my eyes flick over to Jade. Her hand has a death grip on the remote, and her entire body is shaking. I can see tears prickle the sides of her eyes. "Ja-" She cuts me off sharply, "I'm pregnant." The words are spat out, like fire spitting from her lips. I've never heard her so angry... or so hurt. My head spins around, my gut twists... did she just say what I think she did? I swallow air, futilely trying to moisturize my mouth. "As... as in?" I'm shaking too, I'm practically gagging on my words as they come out. I can't speak them... I can't say it. Pregnant. Like a baby. Like a child... Beck's child. In Jade. MY Jade. I don't even want to think what this could mean for me.

"A baby?" She barks lowly, her eyes daring me to say something. Daring me to judge her. I'd be scared shitless if it wasn't for the tears slipping out of their sockets. The remote cracks under the pressure of her hand, griping for dear life. "Who knows?" I blurt out, trying to control myself. It won't do either of any good to loose it. "If you mean does Beck know? Yes. I told him a week ago." Her voice is barely a whisper, but it's so fierce, so cutting. "He doesn't want it. Doesn't even have the decency to want it Tori." She's crying openly now. Silent streams of tears slipping from her hurt eyes. My arms are around her in a second, gripping for dear life. Amazingly, she holds me back, crying onto my shoulder. "It's ok. We'll figure it out. I promise, he's just scared. How far along are you?" I ask, desperate to make her stop hurting, I can't stand to see her hurting so badly.

She pushes away from me and hops off of the bed, running her hands through her hair. "I missed my period month before last. I happens a lot... I didn't think anything about it. But I kept waiting and waiting and it just... didn't come this month either. After two months of not even spotting I got one of those stupid pee sticks." She whispers, shaking her head back and forth, hand pressed against her lips, nevervous legs pacing back and forth faster and faster by the second. I'd looked at my phone enough today to know it's the 4th of the month. I shift back and forth in my seat, trying to get anything in my brain working again. "O-okay. This is ok Jade. Two months. It's okay! You just tell me what you want to do. What do you want Jade?" The words are rushed and almost slurred coming off of my lips. Jade lets a noise akin to a snarl fall from her lips and she stops mid-pace, glaring at me hotly, "Maybe you don't understand Vega... maybe I need to reword this... I was pregnant. Was." Her voice breaks on the last word, hands covering her face. I'm floored. There isn't a single thought in my brain, it's completely frozen from... what ever is happening. I don't think I've ever felt so shocked in my entire life. My breath it going in and out in tiny, frantic pants. "Jade. Jade... Oh hell Jade tell me you didn't!" I gasp, pressing a hand over my cracked lips. "I HAD NO CHOICE TORI!" The remote flies from her hand and crashes against the wall, barely missing my head. "I can't have a kid Tori. People like me. People like THIS. This fucked up! We don't HAVE kids Tori." She falls straight onto her ass and wraps her arms around her own knees.

I get this feeling... this odd, chilling feeling. One that makes me want to run for the bathroom and just hurl everything I've ever eaten in my whole life up. What ever possesses the emotion, also sends me lurching in Jade's direction, tearing at her clothes. She lets out a small shout of surprise... but I have to see. I have to know she wasn't this stupid. "Take off your clothes Jade." I demand, jerking at her violently. She opens her mouth to protest. "I said TAKE them OFF Jade!" My hand snags her shirt and it rips, I keep pulling until it's completely torn off. Jade isn't fighting me now, her hands are digging into the carpet, and her eyes are closed tightly, like she can will my hands away. I tug her jeans until they fall along with her underwear. "...fuck." Is all I can say when I get a clear view. The room is dimmed, the only light is from the movie screen, but I can see enough. I shove my hands over my mouth to muffle the scream and keep in the vomit.

"You're not this stupid Jade. Tell me this nightmare... What the hell did you do to yourself?" My hands trace over the large, ugly bruises, dark and nasty in the light of the tv. Her head turns away from me, "No one could know... no one." "What did you do Jade? What did you do to yourself?" I can't believe this... this can NOT be happening. She looks at me like I'm stupid, like it's obvious... like she is a monster. "I killed my baby." She says it so quietly, so broken, so full of hatred, pausing for a hard, shaky breath. "He said take care of it but... but I knew what he meant. So..." She jerks as she sobs this time, unable to keep herself under control, "So I **_killed_ **it Tori. I killed my baby." Heartless as it sounds, I couldn't care less about that right now. I'm more worried about how. I'm more worried about her. She is on her side now, shaking and crying into the floor. I can see her loosing all sibilance of control. "Jade... Jade baby you need to tell me how you did it. I need to know. Breathe. Damn it Jade breathe in and out. You need to talk to me!" I beg, trying to cover her body with mine. She needs to know I'm here. I can't quit touching her. I need to feel she is ok.

Frantically, hiccups and gulps of oxygen finally give her the ability to answer me, "I-I got drunk. I got drunk and took a rock and I just... I just hit it Tori. I hit it until I cramped and the blood came out. It had a hand Tori! It had a mother fucking HAND! And a foot and Tori Tori it was a BABY! It was MY BABY" She sobs brokenly, trying to hide herself from me. I've never seen Jade ashamed before... I've never seen her this badly hurt. It just doesn't look right... and I wish it was me. I would rather be in this agonizing pain than watch the woman I love suffer it. Something about Jade being weak is just so wrong... but I decide to be strong for her. By strong I mean, I'm on my feet pulling out a shirt and tossing it to her... she needs a doctor. Now.

Jade doesn't question me. She doesn't even speak. I'm not sure she's even thinking right now. Nothing I say to her seems to register anymore. Her hands cling to my arm desperately, begging me not to leave her behind. We clamber down the stairs quickly, Jade isn't even watching where she is going. Her hip hits the wall and she lets out a hiss of pain. It almost knocks her over and she limps the rest of the way to the car. I slam the driver's side door and slam the car into gear, only to hit the breaks again. "Jade... your mom?" I ask cautiously. Her eyes get wide, almost child-like, and she nods vigorously. "My mom... I want my mom. I do. I want her Tori." She says honestly. I'm not surprised. Even if Jade thinks her mother is an incompetent idiot... she's still her mother and when girls get hurt, they usually run to mom.

I sprint back into the house, pushing Jordan into a wall in my zealous haze to reach his mother. She's sitting in the living room, jogging along on a treadmill. Pearpod plugged into her ears. That explains why she didn't hear us. I literally jerk them out of her ears and she nearly falls off the machine in surprise. "What the fuck?" Well... there's the Jade in her. "You need to come with me Mrs. West. Please... I can't really explain it right now but Jade really needs you to just come and not ask questions. I promise I'll answer as soon as we get there." I plead. My begging eyes must be a universal weakness to all of the Wests because just like her daughter would have, Mrs. West is complying with haste. She grabs Jordan by the arm as she's headed for the door, pulling him along. "Do I need my keys?" She yells over her shoulder, patting herself down. I'm already running past her. I know Jade isn't dying or anything, but I'm way too panicked by the prospect of just how badly she's hurt herself to realize that. "I'm driving." I shout back, jumping into the front seat. Jade has crawled into the back, and her mother quickly joins her, Jordan taking the passenger seat.

Mrs. West wraps her arms around her daughter, holding on and whispering gently to her... but I can see panic in her eyes. She probably hasn't seen Jade cry in a long time and when we pull up to the hospital, I see her body stiffen up. She doesn't even let go as Jade tries to get out of the car. Her hands are locked onto Jade's arms, holding her protectively. I can defiantly see Jade in her now. Focused, hard, worried, protective, fierce. The older West carefully pulls her daughter through the automatic doors of the ER and to the front desk. I don't see her falter once until I have to tell the nurse, "She tried to give herself and abortion." But still, she doesn't attack Jade, or even over bare her with questions. Perhaps she's in shock. I know I'm just now getting over the initial shock of it all. I'm only beginning to really THINK about the situation. Mostly I've just been reacting. Feeling my way through it. I think that's what Mrs. West is doing. Love forces us to be that way. It seizes control of our bodies and does whatever it has to do to help the object of it's affection.

After the nurse wheels Jade away in a chair I explain (very obscurely) what happened to Jade's mother. She doesn't say too much, but she does cry. She calls Jade's father, and then leaves me alone in the waiting room. Alone to sit and process what's really happening. Alone to start understanding and feeling something other than panic... and I realize it... I'm angry with her. Fuck Beck! I LOVE her! I would have stayed with her. I'd have done anything. I'd have helped her raise it, or at the very least taken her to a safe clinic. If I were Beck I would have talked to her about it, given her time to think and get over the initial fear so she could make a smart choice like the smart person I know she is. How dare he pressure her into this! How dare he play on her fears like that!

My anger boils hotter and hotter. I think I'll either explode... or murder someone. Probably Beck. I'm wanting nothing more than to stab his stupid eyes right out of their sockets. I push out of my chair, ready to do something, anything, when a hand grabs mine. I've never felt more relieved to see velvet red hair in my life. "Jade texted me." She says, throwing her arms around me. I'm not really sure what she knows, I end up telling her anyway... but I don't think she cares. Cat only seems concerned with the now. Somehow, with a calmness I didn't know was capable from Cat, she squelches my anger and settles me down. She sits still and quiet by my side until the nurse calls us back. Mrs. West graciously lets us go back with her... despite the nurse's protest.

The nurse barely gets to door open before Cat's through it, and with unimaginable speed, she's on Jade. Her lips press into the side of Jade's head, and she strokes her hair. I can hear her mumbling something along the lines of, "I love you" over and over but think nothing of it. I'm too focused on the doctor to worry about Cat right now. My hand is resting limply across Jade's leg as he pulls out a chart and frowns. "Well Mrs. West... you lost the baby." He says slowly, trying to make eye contact with Jade, who is more concerned with the three people she loves that are hovering around her. "But she's ok other than that?" Mrs. West asks, stepping closer to the man. He frowns, "Apparently in her drunken haze she managed to crack a rib, and there is a lot of deep tissue damage that will take rest to heal but she should be fine..." He stops and almost winces before speaking up again, "But because of the trauma to the uterus... I'm very sorry Mrs. West but I doubt children will be possible in your future." He tries to lay and hand on her bedside, and Jade literally kicks him, turning into Cat's shoulder and holding on. She isn't crying anymore... I'm not sure what that means.

Jade is cleared to go home. Cat and I help Mrs. West get Jade up the stairs and to her room. She really isn't moving that badly but they did give her some pain medication that seemed to make her even less mobile. (Perhaps that was on purpose.) Jade's mother doesn't ask us to leave, and I don't plan on leaving Jade unless forced. Cat seems to share the premise, sticking to her friend like glue until she passes out at about midnight, head beside Jade's on the pillow. I sit on an air mattress beside her, trying to think of what the hell I'm going to do now.

"Tori?" Jade interupts my thoughts with a whisper. I peek over the side of the bed, "Do you need something?" Her head shakes no at first but then she frowns and starts to nod yes. "I need to tell you something." She says, her hand reaches out for mine. The day can't possibly be any more climactic than it already is, so I let her go on, "Anything." A small smile cracks at her lips, "I love you... and I'm not just saying that because of today." She says it with all the sincerity she can possibly muster. I can see her watching my eyes with worry, like she's afraid I'll reject her. Pushing off of the air mattress, I climb onto the side of the bed and press my lips against her's. To me, in that moment, I felt like the world stopped, and that we became the only two in it. I stopped trying to think of what to do next... it didn't matter. Jade **_loved_** me. She loved me back. We were in love. The world could bring on the rain, because with Jade, I could do anything.

**Epilogue JADE**

I used to be convinced Tori was the absolute worst thing that happened to me. She came to Hollywood Arts and devoured up the spot light like a hungry hungry hippo. For a year, I did everything I could to destroy her, to bring her down. I hated her and I'd be damned if I didn't let her know it at every turn. It never worked though. Nothing I did was mean enough, nothing could ever seem to make it bellow the belt... until I quite literally went below the belt. Sex was the easiest way I knew to break someone. I know because I saw my mom destroy herself sleeping with every looser that offered her some kindness. I watched them pull her down into the dirt and destroy her self image. It didn't take long for me to use that knowledge on Tori. At the time, it seemed like the best idea I ever had... it ended up being one big ass head ache.

Tori is nothing but a mother fucking handful. All of her emotions and feelings and insecurities. Those were the things I hated in her... but they are the things I forced out of her the most. I heard a therapist tell on TV that it's normal for us to want to hurt people because we're hurting. I guess that's not entirely wrong... but I'd be lying if I told you that's the only reason I did those things to Tori. I didn't do them because it was something I COULD do. I did what I did because of what I couldn't do. I couldn't stop. From the moment I saw her rubbing all over Beck I couldn't stop myself. From pouring coffee on her head, to fucking her senseless, the emotions I hated Tori for were the very things that addicted me to her. They sickened and fascinated me at the same time. I didn't fuck her to find out something about myself, I didn't screw with her head because I didn't understand my own thoughts. I did it... because I needed her. My pride wouldn't let me admit it for the longest time. How could I need someone that can be so easily crushed? Someone who couldn't even control her tears or hide her shame?

Being with Beck was easier in that respect, because he was just like me. We were both thick, murky oils that merged together, content to hide our emotions and keep each other grounded at the bottom of the glass. We mixed, became one person. We were far too alike to be two people and it was easier that way. It was easier to just stay that same person, someone who doesn't show anything but a mask. A single way of being. Tori fucked that up for me. She came in with all of her emotions, all of her complexities, and she threw me for a loop. She wasn't like Beck, or even like Cat. Tori wasn't content to live in the stagnant world I'd created for us all. Like water, her emotions poured into me. We didn't mix together, she didn't allow me to change her. By doing that, she gave me no choice but to rise up. She took my feet off of the solid bottom of the glass and lifted me somewhere better. Held me up when I so desperately wanted to be down.

Strange how that worked actually, for the longest time, I thought I was the one holding her under. In reality she was willingly lowering herself, so that I could rise up. I don't know many people that are willing to make that sort of painful sacrifice for someone else... better yet someone as selfish as me. Some people are just that good at heart I suppose. Stupid fucks. While I'm grateful for Tori, to this day I'm constantly reminding her that always putting everyone else first is going to get her in some serious trouble one day. She doesn't seem phased... then again I can't phase her too awful much anymore. In the year we've been together, I think she's seen just about all of my tricks. I've got nothing left to throw at her that she can't see coming.

That night after the hospital changed my life. For a while, it made it twice as shitty. First, I had to think about what I'd done. Not just to my baby, but to Tori. Telling her I loved her changed the whole ball game. It only really came out of my stupid mouth because of the damn pain pills, making me loopy as shit. Thinking about Tori also lead to me thinking about Cat... and I came to the hard realization I wasn't willing or ABLE to let either of them go. My sick, twisted love for the red head had warped over the years, perhaps because I wasn't keeping a close eye on it. It turned from something akin to the love you have for your dog, to a love that kept me hanging on. But realizing this meant telling Tori, and not in my usual way. I had to sit down with her and have a serious, adult conversation about Cat. Amazingly... Tori offered to give it a chance. Quickly, and almost too easily, we bonded together. Tori and Cat are almost disgustingly cute together, and I'm not sure how I fit into that so well... maybe I balanced them out. And if you're one of those stupid people that think three people can't be in a happy relationship. Suck it. You can't put a leash on love. It isn't something you can just rein in when you want to. Love brings people together, and settles down among them. I can't stop loving Tori OR Cat. While my love for them is different, it's just as strong for both girls.

As if having to come to terms with my feelings for Tori and Cat wasn't hard enough, my mom made me go to therapy. Not to say I didn't need it... but I hated it. I hated everything. Facing every day was hard enough without someone wanting to constantly talk about my self loathing attitude and ever darkening depression caused by what I had done. I lost it on the poor man more times than I can count. One time I threw a chair straight through his office window and into the street bellow. But Tori being Tori, came up with a solution... like she always does. She offered to come with me. Her hands would sit silently on mine, taking my bone crushing grip and allowing me to talk. With her there, I didn't feel like I was constantly on the defense. Like the man was interrogating me for what I felt was the murder of my own child. Even the court had ruled that I wasn't in my right mind when I did it, I forget what they said was wrong with me but in the end I was 'Not Guilty' to them... but I'll always be guilty to me. Whether it was at a hospital or in my bathroom with a rock, my baby's life had been forcibly ripped out of my body and the only person I could blame for that was me.

That's a wound that just couldn't heal right. It left a nasty scar that still hurts when I think about it. It's getting better though. After graduation almost everything started getting better. Hollywood Arts has been a hard place to be after Beck and I split. I can't help but want to blame him, want to hate him. I've spent the past year trying to avoid him. Our eyes can't even meet without me feeling disgusted. All I can think is that he didn't try to stop me... he encouraged me. Knowing how damn prideful I was, no AM, knowing I would panic and probably do something stupid... he still encouraged me. It didn't matter to him though, it didn't matter if what I did could have killed me, he'd been too consumed with himself.

Graduation kind of snuck up on us. In came fast and it went quick. It's weird too look into my room and see all of my things in boxes, readying to be shipped to New York. Strange to think that I won't get up tomorrow and drive to Hollywood Arts. By tomorrow, I'll be getting on a plane, hand in hand with the two women I love, out of the warm California sun to the concrete jungle of New York. And I'm not good at this. I'm scared. I'm scared because I haven't really changed. Time and therapy hasn't made a new and improved Jade. Love hasn't made me the sweet, adoring girlfriend. I'm a little watered down now, but I'm starting to realize this is the only Jade there is. The mean, abrasive, jealous, pushy, controlling bitch Jade is the only Jade that exists. I'm not really sure how much longer my luck will stick around. By luck, I mean Tori and Cat. It scares me because I know I don't deserve them, I know I'll never treat them like a normal partner would, I know I'll take and demand from them... and I wonder how much longer they'll take it. I can't believe they've put up with it for this long. Like I said, I see how they fit together, but not me.

I shake my head and back out of my room, headed for my car. My brain is sort of running on auto pilot, letting my body go where it wants without really registering. I kill the car in a parking lot and try to clear my thoughts. The door slams behind me as I climb out of the vehicle and head toward the Asphalt Cafe, perching up on one of the tables. The place is deserted... but it's past one in the morning. "We didn't think you'd show up." I chuckle at the comment, shaking my head. "It's not like showing up here was a plan or something. No one asked me to come." I say, leaning back and crossing my legs. I feel a shoulder bump against mine, "No one had to plan it." He says, adjusting himself. I can hear footsteps shuffling from the darkness of the shelter. Four figures make their way over to the table as I turn to look at him, "We spent four years of our lives here together Robbie. It'd be stupid if we could let go of that so easily." The young man nods, curls bouncing around his head. The four finally reach us, coming into the light. Tori, Andre, Cat... Beck. Looking at him isn't so hard right now. Not if I think of how much I DID love him at one time. Under the realization that after tonight, he'll be gone, and we can finally bury the hatchet.

Tori slides into the seat by my legs and rests her chin on my lap. Cat slides up beside us, draping delicate legs over Tori's shoulder and leaning her temple against my shoulder. Andre and Beck take a seat at a table across from us. We end up talking for hours, until the sun is coming up. Talking about stupid shit we did or didn't get to do. All of the crazy things that went on behind those walls. The teachers, the students. Popular and looser. The monthly concerts, laying out in Beck's pick up watching the rising stars pour their soul out in every song. The times that WE were those people, giving it all to a play or a performance. Shining in the stage lights and soaking in what ever glory people gave us. We talk about each other. Apologies for things said, admissions of feelings we could never spit out. I'd have never known Andre had a crush on me or that Robbie had a crush on Beck. I have a suspicion Beck knew, because apparently they came together, and left together as the light started to poke up over the horizon. Andre was next to leave, leaving the three of us alone.

I pull my cell phone out to check the time 4:45 AM. Dawn is just now rising around us. I snort gracelessly, "Now what?" The two girls, both nearly asleep, look at me with eyebrows raised. "You're asking us?" Tori says, I'm not sure if it's meant to be a joke. Either way I glare and thump her on the back of the head. Cat giggles from beside me, "Now the sun comes up." She informs us like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "That isn't really what I meant Kitty." I grumble, looking down at Tori for some help explaining. "Isn't it though? The word isn't stopping. It goes. So do we." Cat defends, yawning widely at the end of her sentence. I can never follow Cat logic.

The control freak in me speaks up, "So what do we do about it?" Cat just shakes her head and stumbles down off of the table, rubbing her eyes. Tori purses her lips and straightens up as the red head walks toward the parking lot, "Maybe that's what she's trying to say. It doesn't matter what we do next. It won't be the end of the world. The only thing that is for sure is us. The only thing that doesn't move is love." I laugh loudly, shoving her a little with my foot, "Gross. You're a pop singer, not a Hallmark card." I say, my eyes flicking over to Cat who is waiting impatiently by the car, waving her arm. "Well... it is Cat we're talking about." The way Tori says it is an odd joke, playing off of the shit we all gave Cat for being ditzy in high school. But she's right. That's probably exactly what Cat meant. All deep and sappy... the reality is, and I've said it before, the pesky little redhead is too damn smart.

Tori wraps an arm around my waist as we trudge out to the car. I've never really prayed for anything before. Never really had anything that I needed that desperately to believe in a deity but walking towards the car, I pray for a miracle. I pray the same stupid, sappy, painful, crazy love that brought us together will keep us together until the day we die. Pray that my luck will never run out. Pray that Cat and Tori are right, that lives can move forward and love can stay the same. I jerk my car door open and look back at Hollywood Arts one last time. A loud shout and a laugh ring out from behind me. I turn to see Cat laughing and waving goodbye to the building like an old friend, Tori smiling and shaking her head. For some reason, I let out a shout too. Just to let out any lingering feelings, free them into the air so I can move on.

"See you at the airport!" Tori calls, beaming even in the dim light around her. "YAY! Airport! See you there!" Cat shouts, slamming the door to her car loudly and putting down the top of the convert able. I shrug, what the hell right? "See you at the airport... and damn it Cat be there on time!" I shout at the already rolling convert able. Tori catches my eyes one more time, we share a soft, loving smile and both nod. "I'll be there." She mouths. I wink, sliding into the car and taking a deep breath. Tori's car rolls out before mine, pulling into the bustling traffic and disappearing down the streets. What ever God is out there... _please don't let my luck run out_.

* * *

><p><strong>Update 218/12 THERE! Golly bum! It's all re-worded! Take it or LEAVE IT! I got the period idea from an episode of 'I didn't know I was pregnant' so it can happen... suck it. The extremites of a child are formed around 8 weeks and are completely finished by 9. Ok? Ok. That's what I did for you, I went online, and I found it. Do you feel better now that we've ALL over thought this? Eh... don't feel bad, in reality I do the same thing. Hope this cleared up some shit for you all. I even fixed the SPACING! Oh and funny tid bit here, it was supposed to be bananas not bandannas my spell checker messed it up XDDD.**

**HAHA bitches! Did you see that coming? Doesn't matter! Because I didn't! XD I litterally wrote 80 percent of this last night and today and let me tell you, it came out of NO WHERE. I never once thought this would be the ending of this story when I started out writing. Actually I feel pretty good about it. I like this ending, it makes a lot of sense to me. I feel like it's really true to the characters. Sorry, it IS emo though, the other ending isn't really any less cheesy and emo, it's just got a chapter of smut before hand so ... yay boobies. I struggled writing anything because of how upset I've been but I'm getting back into the swing of it. And POOR BECK! Why do I always make him an ass? I swear I actually love him in the show. Maybe it's because everyone always says he's perfect and blames Jade for everything. That pisses me off. XD My stories are revenge for stupid people that can't see Beck was just as bad in their relationship (on the show) as Jade. So I make him evil. But I love Beck. Love AT Jogia, his faces crack me the fuck up.**

**So... yeah, how did this hit you? I want to say thanks for all of the amazing reviews I got last chapter 3333 I totally love you guys. I hope this reaches you well but in then end I have to go with the age old saying "Better to write for yourself and have no public. Than write for the public and have no self." Cyril Connolly and this story has really had a lot of me in it. It's the first fanfiction I've written that I really got into the characters and tried to add bits and pieces to them, while trying to stay true to a general base. Usually I hate that. So, like I said, I hope it finds you in a good place, hope you like it, thanks for being so awesome and if you're patient with me I'll have the next ending up soon.**

**Lastly I'd like to say on the subject of abortion I was NOT making any general statements. While I do not support abortion I'm not condemning any one or trying to make them feel bad. If anything I strongly support doing such things in a safe facility. Brutal as it sounds that IS an actually method of self induced abortion and it CAN kill you! Ladies be smart, be safe. You're beautiful! 3**


	8. What's Black, Red and Hot All Over Part1

**Up to the second line break in this story is the SAME beginning as the last one for very complicated reasons I don't feel like explaining right now. So if you remember, just skip like four thousand words down... or the 2nd line break. What evers.  
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><p><strong>TORI- Two weeks later Saturday<strong>

I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too. You're thinking that night a couple of weeks ago was a defining moment in Jade's life and our relationship changed completely. Well... you're sort of right and in a way you're completely wrong. Our relationship has changed but... I'm not sure if it's a good change. Let me give a quick summery of what happened after that night.

I woke up to an empty bed the next morning and my heart kind of shattered. It took me an hour just to get my shower done because I was too busy having a pity party for myself. I'd imagined a whole new relationship with Jade, even though she said it was a one night only deal. I could have just sworn though that... I saw something akin to love in her dark eyes. I guess I was seeing things though.

On my way down the stairs, the first thing I noticed was Trina, sitting stiffly on the couch. Her back was rigid and she wasn't looking at the TV... she was looking at something on the opposite sofa. It wasn't like she looked afraid, more so confused and uncomfortable. I rounded the couch to say good morning as a familiar voice rang through the air. "Damn Vega, I thought you drowned yourself in the shower." Jade said, laying in a position that was impossible to see from the stairs, watching the Spanish soap opera that Trina had on the TV. I know she speaks a little Spanish, but I doubt she understands what's going on in the program... I was just happy to see her there. The shattered pieces of my heart kicked it into reverse and repaired themselves in a matter of seconds. Jade was HERE... that meant something right? She could have snuck off... but she's here. The thought gave me a bit of comfort.

We skipped school that day and Jade took me out to breakfast that morning. I'm not sure if it was considered a date or not. She wouldn't let me pay though, and I'm sure that has to do with her control issues. Or her pride. Probably both. The point is she went out somewhere with me. She didn't hide it or seem embarrassed to be there with me sticking to her heel like an old piece of gum. I was amazed how she could just make such a huge change to our relationship like it took no more effort than throwing away a piece of old paper. She owned it, and it was very apparent to everyone in the restaurant that she owned ME. Her hands were constantly on me, eyes dared anyone to look in my direction or vice versa, and she spoke firmly. It was always 'we' or 'our' or 'my' in the conversations we had. It was like I only partially owned anything, she was claiming a piece or all of everything I know. It was scary and flattering at the same time.

She didn't freak out so much about me hanging with Cat the next week, which made both of us breathe easier, but I noticed she was always in ear shot. Listening or watching what we were doing like an annoyed chaperone. Cat would roll her eyes and tell me not to worry about it. At least we were getting to spend any time together at all. But Jade relaxing her rules was starting to make me worry. It was becoming more apparent to everyone that we were closer now, and I'm not sure WHAT her motive is for letting me get closer with Cat again. I'm a little scared Jade is going to use me to drag Cat into this... and how could I do that to one of the sweetest most innocent people I know? Why else would Jade want me to be closer to her? I refuse to corrupt such a sweet young girl... I doubt I could if I tried anyway. Maybe I'm over thinking it though, as usual. Maybe Jade is starting to trust me a little bit more now that we're changing a little bit. Jade's probably just sticking around to make sure I don't blab to Cat about what we do.

On another note, it seems now she's changed her mind and it's Andre she doesn't want me around... or Robbie, or any of my friends outside of Beck, Cat, and of course herself. Andre is the worst though. She literally told me if I ever put him above her again she'd make sure I was 'punished' for it. Jade has never used that word so bluntly before... and it's terrifying. Sure, I know she's punished me before but I she didn't come out and tell me that's what she was doing. I'm not sure if she even considers those little things punishment. So if she's serious enough to use the word punishment and threaten me with it... I know I'd better listen.

I feel bad though, Jade constantly calls me away when I'm talking to him or just literally drags me out of the conversation without a word, Beck will trail behind us quietly, giving a sympathetic smile to his best friend but for the most part supporting his girlfriend's decision. I can't bare to look at Andre in those moments, searing with anger and jealousy and suspicion. It's almost like he hates me in those moments. A week ago he punched Sinjin's locker so hard it dented and came off of the hinges... Jade's glare told me not even to turn around. It's not like I could have stopped him anyway. He's angry at ME... So for the most part I've learned to avoid him and stick with Jade and Beck... which isn't as bad as you'd think.

She's brutal still, relentless and most of the time only cares about herself but there is something else. It's like she isn't constantly trying to drag me down anymore, if she does I don't think she means to. For instance this thing with Andre, it genuinely seems like she isn't doing this to hurt my feelings. I think she feels bad about it sometimes but... Jade never talks about that. She never talks about any feelings SHE has. Only mine. I'm the weaker one in the relationship, at least that's how she sees me, and only the weak show emotion. Things like that make Jade really hard to live with, and they hurt, but she isn't trying to cut me down... just keep me from raising back up. If I'm a bird, she clips my wing. She makes it so I'm unsteady and torn, slicing away any hope of flying up into the sky and joining the realm I used to live in. A place where people are kinder, and relationships are healthy, where all you have to worry about is when the new episode of American Idol is coming on, not whether or not the woman you love is going to loose it and accidentally hurt you in her lust for sex and power. Jade doesn't want me up there... she wants me down here with her... and I kind of want to stay.

Jade has a way of making people want her that I can't even explain to you. Sinjin, Robbie, Beck, Cat, me and I'm sure countless others do everything they can to just be included in her life for a few precious seconds. We want the treasure that is Jade's love even if it's the most brutal part of her. She'll never show it, but I think Jade does have feelings for me... which is much worse than her feeling nothing at all for me. If she did love me (I so doubt it) or show any more feeling for me than she does now, I'm sure it would crush me completely. Even this tiny display of emotion she gives right now is brutal and hard. It comes with heavy hands and jealousy, harsh scoldings and possessiveness. Yet I love it. I love her, and I can't stop that anymore. The angry moments pass, and give way to an almost tolerable Jade. One that's really cool, intelligent, sarcastically funny, extremely interesting and sometimes... sometimes I can just barely see in those moments after a bout of harsh sex or late at night when she's too tired to think... Jade is broken. Not just a little bit. Jade is broken in every way... shattered even. The pieces broken pieces seem shattered to the point of dust. I only catch glimpses and I'll never know why because I most certainly won't ask... but it's there and I'm realizing she hurts people because she's hurting too. That reality makes me much more tolerant.

And then there is Beck. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look him in the eye again. After having sex with a man you barely know... how are you supposed to respond? Beck handled it with grace though. Grace only a true actor could possibly muster up. He and I talked (with much protest from me) about what happened that night in depth. He explained things about having sex with Jade that I did not and do not understand, but some how they made me feel less cheap. The young actor even told me he had feelings for me, and that night definitely meant something to him... but I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't feel the same. I was, and am, far too consumed with his girlfriend to feel anything for him. However when I told Jade about this revelation (in a poor attempt to make her angry at Beck) she chuckled and shrugged, I don't think she cared in the slightest. She seemed to know that everyone's loyalties were with her, and there was no chance of us running off together. I think we all (Jade included) knew, and know that Beck loves Jade , so who cares if he has 'feelings' for anyone else?

So that's been the past week and... 9 days to be exact. Yeah, if you think it's a lot just to hear about, try living it. Oddly enough I don't feel as overwhelmed as I'm sure I should. Sure, there are times when I want to pull every hair out of my head with my bare hands, but I don't cry as much as I did the first month I was with Jade. I'm not so confused anymore. The understanding gives me the ability to cope with the pain that I'm madly in love with a woman who is incapable of loving me back and the challenges that come from just trying to fit into her life while handling school and an ever dwindling social life.

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><p>A loud bell jars me from my thoughts, and I glance up from my notes... or lack there of. My internal chatter kept me other wise occupied so a white paper stares back up at me. I shush a few words of disapproval from my mind and stretch when I stand. My hand makes contact with an arm in the process. "Ow Tori!" The offended voice of Cat whines to my left. I drop my books in surprise and give an apologetic smile, "Oh... wow I'm so so sorry Cat... that was your arm I hit right? Not your face?" The redhead laughs, like a thousand tingling musical bells, her face brightening again, "It was my arm... you still hit me though. I don't blame you. These desks have a way of stiffening people up." The last part of her sentence sounded oddly suggestive to me. It has to be in my head. After all I AM still wearing this stupid vibrator and Jade IS still messing with me.<p>

I smile and reach out to give her a playful shove, "Yeah... my bad. Come on, one more extremely boring class then it's Sikowitz's and I don't know about you but I could go for some ice cream after school." I try to bring it up casually, hoping I haven't over stepped some imaginary boundary. After all I have been almost completely absent from her life for almost a month, and I can see she's a little peeved about something. I don't think about Jade for a second and when I realize this probably won't make her too happy, I deflate a little. Cat seems to notice the sudden lack of thrill in my eyes and puffs out her chest a little, "Yay ice cream!" Her hands clap eagerly in front of her before she grabs my wrist and tugs me toward the door with surprising force. Cat must work out.

She pulls me to my next class before telling me she'll see me in Sikowitz's and literally skipping off to her class. My hand finds my cell phone in record time as the warning bell sounds. I flick my finger and press in the passcode to unlock the screen. Two new messages, both from Trina, something about an emergency lip gloss problem. I roll my eyes, I don't know why she bothers to ask, because I'm sure she's already broken into my locker and taken what she needs from my purse. I close it out and quickly try to find Jade's number. It isn't hard considering how much I use it.

_-I kind of just promised Cat I'd take her for ice cream- **Tori**_

I'm not sure if she'll be angry about it. She doesn't come over during the week most of the time, but now that some things are changing I'm not sure I'm really allowed to do anything without asking her first.

_-Well don't ruin your supper.- **Jade**_

_-Wtf? Is this the bathtub incident all over again? I don't give a damn WHAT you eat.- **Jade**_

_-That's a lie... don't get all fat on me.- **Jade**_

Her texts are so quickly sent I don't have time to respond to any of them and by the last one I'm a little annoyed and I don't WANT to. The bell saves me, making me throw my cell phone in the compartment beneath the desk. History is especially boring today... and it hasn't even started. Why does everything seem so trivial compared to what is happening in my life? By the time class does start I'm doing my best to listen to what Mr. Whatshisface is saying to me. The pencil feels rough and heavy in my hand, like the lead itself is protesting the action. I end up shaking my hand every few minutes, annoyed and trying to force myself to remain focused. In the end my notes still aren't great but at least I manage to write something relatively intelligent. It's at least something to do until the bell rings and we have a big test coming up that I have no intention of failing.

When the bell finally does ring, I practically hop up from the chair and scurry to Sikowitz's class room. I take a seat by Cat over in the corner and we chat a little. Robbie throws his two cents in every few minutes, and Andre (who's sitting directly in front of me) doesn't say a word. My heart sinks lower the longer he ignores me. He's supposed to be my best friend (guy wise) but neither of us are acting too friendly. Time ticks, the warning bell rings... and there is no Beck or Jade. But on the bright side, that seems to really be lightening Andre's mood. He's not so stiff anymore, and turns every few minutes to smile at us or throw his two cents in. Even after the class starts, Beck is still missing and so is Jade. I don't really worry, I'm fairly sure they're doing one of two things right now, fighting or having sex. I'm not really sure how I feel about it exactly but there is this over all sensation of being bothered. I end up having to do a scene with Robbie, who manages to make his character's voice annoy me more than I already am, and by the time we sit back down class is almost over.

The door swings open to show a slightly annoyed looking Beck. There's a smile on his face when he addresses Sikowitz with some excuse about not feeling well, but it drops literally the second that the teacher turns his attention else where. With an audible huff he plants into a chair behind Cat, who seems to be trying her hardest to ignore the oddities. "Where's Jade?" I whisper over my shoulder, trying not to look obvious. Andre can be seen shifting rigidly in the hard plastic seat he's on, suddenly uncomfortable for reasons I'm SURE have nothing to do with a chair. Beck gives me a pat on the shoulder and mumbles something about her going home. "Don't sweat it." He grunts, turning his eyes to our teacher, who is currently bouncing around like a rabbit on the stage. I don't understand how everyone I know doesn't need to know about Jade as much as I do. They don't need reasons or explanations.

As the last bell of the day sounds I break down and decide to text her, only to have a hard grip encase my wrist. Beck is staring at me with a disapproving frown, "I told you not to sweat it." I only grunt and tug against him. The man drops his iron clad grasp without a fuss. "It's not like her to skip Sikowitz's." I point out, not addressing the fact that I'm totally disregarding his comment. He isn't Jade. I don't love him... and I most certainly don't take orders from him. Who in the name of Nancy does he think he is? Grabbing my wrist and glaring at me like a scolding father. "We had a little fight, we made up (By that I'm sure he means had sex), and she said she had a headache and went home. Tori, this isn't the type of mood you want to catch Jade in. " Beck says sternly, jaw locked. As I open my mouth to say something, Cat's arm is on my elbow shaking me, "Who's in a mood?" She asks innocently, and Beck bluntly tells her. "Jade and Tori won't leave it alone." His tone is even more annoyed than before. Cat shrugs, "Tori and I are going for ice cream. Bye Beck!" With that, the redhead seems to insist I leave, tugging me along as usual.

The ice cream parlor isn't very populated when we arrive and it really freaks me out. Little noise can be heard except from the old juke box playing the same gargling tune over and over along with the mumbling chatter of a few couples that sit holed into a booth off to the sides of the establishment. Cat finds one that's unoccupied and slides in while I retrieve our frozen treats. Her eyes are on me, I doubt she knows I know but I've learned to recognize the feeling. Jade will stare at me too... but it's more intense, almost intrusive, like she's penetrating me with her eyes. Cat's aren't so harsh, but when I glance over, I defiantly see her cover up a dark, hooded expression with a huge smile and a bounce in her seat. With a tiny shrug I grab the tray from the counter and toss some money the cashier's way without a word. It doesn't strike me how utterly Jade-like that action was until I'm half way to the booth. "Have a nice day!" I try to make a cheerful statement (one Jade HATES) before sliding over to the booth. I swear Cat has got her spoon into the bowl before I even set it down on the table. Shoveling the frosty food into her mouth like she's clearing a driveway or a road. If it ever snows ice cream in L.A. I have no doubt Cat will have zero problems making it around. She smiles, noticing my eyes on her as she shoves hefty spoonfuls past her plump red lips, licking them in small, gentle successions to clean any excess away.

"And that's why my brother doesn't play glow in the dark darts anymore... Tori are you listening to a word I say?" Cat finishes her umpteenth story as I poke my phone to check for messages. I try and nod, "I was, but once you got to the part about the bunny and the golf cleats I started to try and block it out... and that poor kid Jimmy... did he ever... ya know, again?" Cat shakes her head and giggles, "No... you're an awful good multi-tasker. Listening AND checking for messages that aren't coming all the time can't be easy." She doesn't sound angry, she sounds impressed. A thick silence comes over the two of us as I think of something to say. "Why does it bug you?" She says before I can respond to her previous statement. "This thing with Jade?, " I ask and she nods in response, red hair bouncing a little, "Jade's my friend. I worry when she closes herself off."

The tiny singer gives a really throaty laugh, one I've never heard from her. It bounces off of the shining, overly stuffed, polyester seats and rings between my ears like a low, breathy, hum, buzzing over my brain. It's almost uncomfortable and I feel guilty because it turns me on a bit. I shouldn't think like that about Cat. Cat is innocent. "Did you ever stop to think maybe she isn't upset?" Cat says, popping another spoonful of the fluffy pink ice cream into her mouth. I slide my own cup toward her, uninterested in the food. "Then why would Beck say-" Cat cuts me off with a glare, "Beck says lots of things. He isn't as smart as he thinks he is. Trust me, if Jade was THAT upset over a fight with Beck, she'd have stayed around him the whole day just to make him regret being a meanie." She explains, and I contemplate her statement. It's totally true. Jade doesn't back down, even if she does it's only temporary, she always comes back to get even.

Cat's phone buzzes, popping against the table like a jumping bean, and she perks her brow as she reads the message. "Mom and dad went to my aunt Jessie's for the night. Won't be home until late tomorrow... Hey! Do you wanna sleep over?" She says, making her eyes big and sad, her lower lip protruding in a pout. Tomorrow is the day I spend with Jade... and I doubt she'll be okie dokie with me blowing her off to stay with Cat. "Tori I have no one else. Please? I don't want to be there all alone when it gets dark and spooky." She whimpers innocently, a tiny hand covering my own. I sigh, if I get up at the crack of dawn and go home I should have enough time before Jade gets there around 10 AM. My house is almost an hour away form Cat's her commute to H.A. everyday is ridiculous. That was off point but I felt it needed to be said. "Fine... but I've got to go in the morning Cat." I try to say it sweetly, while staying firm, but it sounds more like a question than anything else.

Her hands patter against the table excitedly as she slides from the chair with and odd squeaking noise from the seat. I'm right on her heels, sliding into the passenger side of her car (seeing as she has beat me to the driver's seat). I don't trust Cat as a driver, and if I could have 70 seat belts and 30 air bags I might actually be able to relax. I actually haven't ever let her drive before while I was in the car. I drove us here. It's just that she's so easily distracted. I know that can't be a GOOD thing. Especially not in a car. The vehicle roars to life at the turn of a key, and Cat checks her mirrors. "Ready?" She says with a perked eyebrow... again it sounds low and seductive. I play it off though. I'm hearing things. Cat is just naturally flirty. "You do have a license right?" I say, tightening my belt a bit. The redhead nods and pulls out of the parking space and heads for the road, "How do you think I get to school everyday? The school's bus doesn't come to my house anymore..." It's my turn to raise up an eyebrow, "You're brother?" "Yup." She says, popping her 'p' slightly.

I'm about to ask her about it, unlike everyone else most of the time I love the stories about Cat's brother. I've never actually met him though. Jade has... and she hates him. A lot. That's why when Cat goes off on her tangents Jade ends up screaming at her. The point is this time I DON'T ask her about it because as I open my mouth a familiar vibration shoots through my lower region and wiggles it's way up to my brain. I gasp slightly, but Cat doesn't seem to notice. On the bright side I'm not driving, on the dim one, the vibrations are hard and rough against me. My head thumps back against the leather seat and my hips twitch. If I was at home, my hand would be down there, helping to stoke the flame... no way I'm doing that in Cat's car. So I rub my thighs together in agitation and try to regulate my breathing as my insides twist and shake at the gloriously torturous contact.

By the time we're at Cat's house, Jade has turned the contraption on and off in five minute intervals so many times I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't come soon. As hard as I'm trying my breath is still not regulated to a normal level. Cat bounces to the door, not really paying much attention to my agony. She slips in her key and we descend into the darkening house. We must have stayed at that ice cream parlor forever. The sun is setting and casting long shadows against the walls. I plop down on the couch in a totally unlady-like manner, glancing up at Cat, who's chewing on the inside of her cheek. She's got her 'I'm in deep thought' face on and it's probably about something like what we're going to watch on TV or eat for supper. "So whatdaya wanna do Cat?" I say, hugging a pillow to my chest and trying to forget the wetness in my pants. She doesn't really respond, so I start throwing ideas out, "We could watch a movie, or order a pizza or play a ga-" "Do you think I'm pretty?" She cuts me off, sitting in a chair far across the room and criss crossing her ankles.

"Um... What?" I fumble, she really caught me off guard. She looks at me like she's angry and I'm the stupidest person on the planet. "Do you think I'm pretty?" Her tone is a little offended. I give a snort, "You're not pretty Cat. You're drop dead gorgeous." It's true. She is the most attractive person I know, except for Jade... but really I can't compare anyone to Jade. She's so beautiful it's unreal. Sometimes I swear she's a statue, carved and colored masterfully for years by a painfully perfection obsessed artist. I told her how pretty she was once, her response was, "Yeah, who'd have thought two to three minutes and a broken condom could turn out so fantastic." It was bitter and sarcastic... I never told Jade she was beautiful again. Beck thinks that's a funny story. Says Jade has always been like that, and that she is terribly vain enough to tell you she already knows how great she looks. It's a little hard sometimes to not say anything, because she constantly tells me things of that nature. Usually after sex, or after she's pushed the limit. I'm not sure if it's to make me feel good, to get me to forget what ever is wrong with me, or because she genuinely believes it and wants me to know.

Cat isn't anything like Jade. Jade is a sloe, dark beauty, with milky white skin that's cool to the touch and eyes like a wolf, ready to devour you. Her body curves and slopes like perfect rolling hills, and she has an air about her that's more powerful and overwhelming than the queen. It infects your soul with heavy, lustful, intoxicating poison, and draws you to her. Cat on the other hand... she couldn't be MORE different from Jade.

Her sun-kissed skin isn't too dark or obscenely pale, her face is just as beautiful as Jade's, but it isn't as cold. Cat isn't a statue, chiseled to perfection, she's a photograph, taken as life's most beautiful moment. One of those warm summer days where the sun is just perfectly lighting the screen, playing gently across the skin of the person in frame. She's stuck there, with the child laughing behind those breath taking eyes that could warm the spirit of the most hypothermic souls. A smile so wide and sweet, giving life to a dimple in her cheek that is almost always plastered on her face. Her curves are better than mine, but not as exaggerated as Jade's. Nothing about Cat is too much. It's the perfect amount. And when you look at her... you just know she's soft. I'm always surprised that Jade's skin is as supple as mine, and moves like a regular human being... but not Cat. I'm certain if I put my hand against her, she'll be soft. So I suppose when I think about it, Jade and Cat are both equally beautiful, but in very different ways.

The redhead smiles coyly, sliding her feet down to the floor. "You think I'm gorgeous?" She says, her lips pursing to prevent one of those flawless smiles I was telling you about. I nod softly and lick my lips, I'm way too turned on right now to be having this conversation with her. I need some time away from her right now... because I want her and it's not right. I can't lust over my best friend, sweet, beautiful, innocent. The darkest parts of my brain echo words that sound far more like Jade than myself. "No one can be innocent forever." Whispers between my ears until I shake my head and seemingly knock them out of my brain. Cat stands up slowly, her right hip swaying out as she comes to rest on it. Her hand is on the button of her blouse, plucking it open. "Cat!" I shout out, looking away. Is she really just taking her clothes off right in front of me?

That dark voice pleads with me sweetly, begging for my eyes to chance a peek at the disrobing redhead. Finally I fall prey to the lustful tones in between my ears, slowly turning my head back and looking at her under my lashes. After a couple of short glimpses, my eyes are fully open and entranced with my friend. Her eyes are so dark right now, blackened with emotions I didn't know she was capable of. She doesn't say anything in response, just smiles at me. Her pearly teeth don't persuade my own lips to smile like they usually do. This time her broad ivory smile makes my jaw clench, as well as my gut. Another button, I can see her breasts more and more clearly. They just barely pop up, creased in the middle from the restraint of her bra. Another one, her bra is in clear sight. It's a light pink, sporting purple polka dots and plum red cherries. Her breast are just a little too big for it (no doubt she bought it when she was younger). Little crescents of escaping flesh, peek and puff up over the red trimming of her bra."What are you doing Cat?" I whisper, my eyes are dry from lack of blinking and staring so wide and openly at her. She tilts her head, that silky, beautiful red hair spilling onto her shoulder. Another button, I can see the top of her belly now, smooth and tan and toned. The sides of her breasts are no longer veiled by her top but are disappointingly still restrained by her bra. I swallow so hard it hurts, rubbing my thighs together again. What the hell is going on?

It's getting harder for me to control myself. I am blinking rapidly now, trying to focus else where. Her body beacons my eyes back effortlessly every time, despite my brain's obvious protest. Cat smirks almost mockingly, running a finger down the top of her stomach and tracing her belly button. The pink fingernail makes easily manipulates the skin. "Don't you think I'm [pretty Tori?" She asks again, more firm, almost angry. I pant softly as she plucks the last two buttons and slides her shirt off... I want to moan at the site. My eyes roam over her, from her gently sloping shoulders to the way her waist curves in and out, back up to her breasts, now ever so slightly hidden by a blanket of red hair. The white flesh peaks out from between the blood red strands, then is quickly hidden again as her chest falls because of an exhale of breath.

Her hands slide down from her waist to her hips, stroking her own supple flesh and teasing me. "Cat you know I do... you're beautiful but this... this is a bad idea Cat. Let's talk about this." I say, putting my hands up in front of me in defense, as if they could protect me and quell her anger. "How is this a bad idea? You haven't even thought about it." She huffs, her jeans are being undone now. "Cat... having sex with some one is a big deal, it doesn't matter who tells you other wise. We're friends and friends just can't do this. Besides I'm sort of..." I trail off, I know Jade wouldn't want me to say anything but at the same time I know her crazy, over protective nature with Cat. She will kill me if I sleep with Cat... ya know unless it's her idea. Cat sighs and sits down, I can see the triangle of her panties from her unzipped jeans. She's got a smirk on her face though, and crosses her legs as she meets my eyes.

"You're sort of what Tori?" My head snaps to my left. Standing completely bare, leaning against the railing, arms cross, is an inpatient Jade, waiting for an answer I don't have. My brain feels like it's both slamming on the breaks and flooring the gas at the same time as Jade pushes herself off of the railing and makes her way into the room. She pulls Cat up into a standing position by her jeans, tugging the smaller girl firmly into a position she sees fit. I see the redhead visibly shiver. Jade's hands slither across her hips where the jeans have fallen, and stroke the skin of her stomach as she takes a seat behind Cat on the chair. My head is light... I mean I suspected this once but I blew it off. Cat's innocent and sweet and she doesn't lie... right? I'm watching those big coffee colored eyes as she giggles softly. "That day in the bathroom... you knew." I gulp, I can't breathe. Where did the air go? Wait... how does breathing go again? I think I've forgotten. Cat nods as Jade tugs her pants off of her very gently, but every bit as demanding as usual. Like Cat couldn't say no if she wanted to... trust me she doesn't want to right now. "Of course I knew. Not that _you'd_ ever tell me." She hisses, bucking a hip into Jade's hand as the goth tries to stroke her. It's enough to drop Jade's hand and her smirk. Cat's glaring behind her back as Jade draws tiny pictures into the bare thigh in front of her with the very tip of her nails. "Either of you."

"I _said_ I was sorry Kitten... let it go." Jade growls through gritted teeth, her lips hover above Cat's thigh before biting down softly. Cat tosses her head back and moans out a note as beautiful as a song, her breasts jutting out from the position of her back. I can hear her whine, and notice the way her hips meet Jade's hands with eagerness, just like mine. Seeing Cat like that is bad enough, but seeing Jade AND Cat is almost enough to send me right over the edge right then and there. I'm panting louder than a German Shepard on a hot day. Have I ever been this turned on? Because I'm so horny it hurts. "I-I couldn't tell you... you lied to me and I didn't even... and you and Jade? Jade I understand me but... how could you bring her into this too? Was it not enough to corrupt me?" I start out stuttering and end with a loud shout. Jade laughs visibly, and so does Cat, her hips rock forwards and back ever so slightly, savoring and encouraging Jade to stroke her legs with loving touches. Jade doesn't disappoint, running her open hands up Cat's inner thigh, her hips, her ass. "Don't flatter yourself Tori. It doesn't suit you." The goth mumbles, kissing Cat's hip and darting her tongue out over the flesh. "Cat and I were Cat and I long before I met you, even before I met Beck." She finishes, leaning back and pulling the red head into her lap. Cat gladly curls into her body, their curves melt together like pieces of a puzzle. "So... so what is this? I... I don't understand." I sound pitiful and confused and for a second, panic and worry flash over Jade's face. She stares at me, looks over every inch, assessing my mental state. I know I'm shaking a little.

Cat being thrown into the game changes the whole dynamic. Let me explain. First off, it means just like Beck, I have no clue who my best friend is. If she can hide something this big, if she can lie and me not even know it, Cat is much more sinister and sophisticated than I ever could have thought possible. Second, this means Jade has been having sex with Cat for over three years. She's far more experienced at this and her wanting me wasn't accidental. It wasn't some sudden impulse she couldn't fight... Jade planned it. Like some fiendish evil plot, she knew what she wanted and took it from me. Third, if Jade and Cat are here, and practically bare (Well Jade IS bare but you get my point) it means I'm most likely going to be having sex with Cat, which will complicate my life even more. Fourth and lastly, it shows that I never had a chance. If Jade was good enough to convince Cat YEARS ago, then I can't even imagine how much more skilled she is at drawing people in now. If I'd have said no the first night, Jade would have just tried something else until I gave into her...You can see why this is hard to take in right? But I feel like this is a scenario I've been in multiple times with Jade... almost every time. Confused, hurt, on the verge of tears from all of the emotion coursing through my body. So why can't I control it? The simple answer is because Jade knows where to push. She knew from the day we had sex and possibly before that we'd run into this situation with Cat ... she was just waiting for the right time to play the card. I'll never know how many aces are up her sleeve... and I can't ever seem to see them coming.

I suck in a shaky breath, trying to control my impulse to cry. I think it actually turns Jade on when I cry and the more turned on she is the faster I'll be expected to do something... and I need a few minutes right now. Cat is trying to wiggle away from Jade to get to me, but the actress' hands are locked onto her hips. I've got to hand it to Jade, she is masterful at the game shes plays, having Cat come onto me, having to worry about how she would react or if she'd be angry, then she just pops up out of no where and rubbing all over Cat... it's so well laid out. So neat and tidy. "Jade. Jade... OW Jade!" My head snaps back to Cat and the goth. Jade's let go of Cat, and Cat is glaring at a tiny prick on her hip, dotting with a miniscule spot of blood... wow for her having the best laid plans of the century, she's apparently very on edge. The raven haired, entirely nude, beauty leans forward and kisses the tiny droplet of blood away, wincing at the taste. Funny... I always figured Jade would like the taste of blood. It seems the act was purely apologetic though, because she cringes as her licks it from her lips.

I don't realize how hard and heavy I'm breathing until Cat is sitting next to me (Like she isn't in her underwear) and strokes my clothed thigh. "You told me you'd waited long enough Jade. That is was ok to do this now and it wouldn't upset her." Cat accuses, her side is now pressed against me in a hug. She's got one arm behind my back and the other on my knee, gripping it as though she were protecting me from Jade. "She's easy to upset." The goth says with a shrug. Cat's grip tightens and she huffs loudly, "No. You're just good at upsetting." It's true too, Cat can see it easily. She is seemingly holding me down, keeping space between Jade and I, because she knows Jade only does this so I'll crave her more. So I'll depend on her completely. When I'm feeling insane in one of the situations she puts me in, Jade is my only rock to hold onto. Cat is obviously not comfortable with that. "You told me she was over the thing with Beck and she was ready. You did this on purpose." She whispers, like I can't hear her or something.

Jade gives her a bored and annoyed look, "It's been like two weeks. She IS over the Beck thing." I shift a little and shake my head, "Actually I'm not tota-" "Shut -up Tori." Jade interupts, her tone sounds almost surprised, like I'm telling on her and she can't believe it. Like this is something we both want... In reality it is. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of Cat in a less than appropriate way, I just wish Jade would have gone about doing this differently. "Jade if she says she needs time then-" Now Jade interupts Cat, "You two are acting like children. Tori. Come here." The last part is a firm command, one that makes me shiver. Her demanding tone is surprisingly a turn on for me (How screwed up am I?). Cat's grip surprisingly loosens... I guess she knows how far to push her limits. However she does offer me a sweet and reassuring smile as I stand on my wobbly legs. Every step I make towards Jade there is less air in my lungs, I feel cold and constricted. I just want her to warm me, unravel me. Coil by painfully tightening coil. I know she can make that go away with little effort at all.

Jade pulls a foot rest in front of her, one of those huge ones that seems almost as large as the chair she's sitting it. She places it about two feet away from her knees. The leather makes a loud thumping noise as Jade pats it, inviting me into her space. I inch closer, and closer, and closer, until the area right below my knees is pressed into her legs. She smiles at me, almost sweetly, a mocking gesture for things I know are to come. "Don't look so tense Tori." She says with a dry chuckle, but I couldn't be more tense.

My brain is still reeling, but not as bad as it was a few moments ago. It actually seems to be processing this much more easily than it did being around Beck. This is natural. I want this... It's so easy. Is that how Jade feels when Cat is in the room? Like it's just right. Sure, it always felt right with Jade. I'm not saying this doesn't feel just as good or any better than all the times Jade and I have been together... but when I had sex with Beck, it felt good but it felt wrong. I wasn't happy about it, I was scared I'd feel cheap (and I do). The prospect of having sex with Jade and Cat doesn't bring any worries to my mind. It's difficult to take in, sure, I was caught off guard... but I want this. My eyes meet Jade's, she's smirking proudly. As if she can read my mind.

"You see Tori. _Cat_ likes to exaggerate. She makes mountains out of mole hills so to speak. If you listen to -her, it'll make you all tense... and it always takes so long to make you pliable again." Jade's hand slithers across my waist, slipping under the shirt and stroking my flesh lightly with her thumbs. Her nails tickle over my skin like wondering ghosts across the flesh. "So you can listen to Cat and we can NOT do this, I won't be angry... or, you can listen to me, " Her hand lowers to the waist band of my jeans, massaging the flesh firmly enough to make me whine out my appreciation, "And we might actually be able to have some fun." My tongue darts out over my dry lips. Jade is actually giving me an option this time... it's something she's never done. Jade doesn't give choices because there is always a chance you won't pick what she wants to do. A tremble goes from the tip top of my spine, down through my back, and shoots itself into my toes... but this is a good tremble. And while I should probably be thinking this through, I'm consumed with thoughts of Jade and Cat. They take control of my brain with violent and beautiful images of red lips, creamy skin, lustful eyes, strong hands, slithering tongues, and nimble fingers. My thoughts are clouded by a haze of red and black, swirling together, swirling around ME... and it's all I want to see.

I inch a little closer, pressing against Jade, despite the lack of space, and gently pin her lips tentatively against mine. That's all the answer she needs. Her hands are on the button of my jeans, pulling them apart. The rough fabric folds and twists, grazing my skin as it falls to my ankles. I've never been more thankful for the 'take your shoes off at the door' rule that Mrs. Valentine has. It allows me to easily kick my pants over into the corner. They make a quiet 'thoop' on impact with the cream colored wall. Jade's tongue parts my lips and tickles against the roof of my mouth, the soft organ wrestles against my own tongue, even though we both know I'll submit in the end. Jade's hand pushes against my stomach and shoves me upright, breaking the kiss. I can still taste her on my lips when I lick them, and I want more. I haven't had nearly enough of her to be satisfied. "Take off your shirt." She demands, hands reaching toward the straps of the vibrator. Her long, pale finger hooks one strap and pulls it back, only to let it go and snap roughly against my right hip. I flinch, but some sick part of me is starting to love that sting. How it impacts with my skin sharply, but then warms and thrums. It's not JUST pain anymore.

My shirt is having a difficult time finding it's way off of my body, and my arms aren't doing much to help it out. They tense up hopelessly and fumble around every time I let out a moan. Moans caused by soft strokes of cool hands that suddenly strike and leave a warming fire in me. Jade hasn't made any welts or serious marks sense that night with Beck, but she loves to see the temporary ones. The way flesh turns white as she drags a nail across it, or raises up afterwards, red and puffy with irritation. It begs to be soothed by her and Jade loves to be begged. Her fingers are starting to tap against my hip, one at a time, pinky to index finger. Other than that she isn't moving. It gives my arms the oppertunity to reconnect with my brain and actually pull my shirt the rest of the way off like the 17 year old woman I am. When my vision is no longer clogged by blue cloth and a curtain of hair, I can see Jade holding back a laugh. The midsection of her lip always twitches when she really wants to laugh. A blush sweeps over my face, and I shake my head to try and hide it.

Jade snorts and turns me around without a single word, then squares me in front of her. Powerful fingers curl around my hips and hold me there securely until she is sure I won't move. I knead at the carpet anxiously with my toes as her fingers go back to the vibrator strap, letting it fall free, and then do the same with my bra. Her soft lips press against the skin where the bra clasp had been resting. They pull back, leaving the memory of her against my flesh. I whimper, despite knowing that I won't be away from them long. It's never enough with Jade and it is always too much. "Lay over the foot rest Tori," Jade mumbles from behind, I can barely hear her say it but rush to do as I'm told anyway. My eyes catch Cat's as I lower over the leather. It's cool and groans beneath my weight as I lay down. The redhead is trembling, though I'm not entirely sure why. The sight of her makes my legs limply fall open behind the footrest letting my body drape effortlessly across the cushion; from my lower chest to my hips. The leather is already sticking uncomfortably to my sensitive skin, making me want to squirm around. Jade's hands rub up over my bottom, then back down to my thighs. I shiver. Her body leans over on top of mine enough so her nipples barely graze my shoulders. I can feel her heavy black hair against the side of my arm as she leans her head to whisper in my ear. Hot, minty breath flooding my nostrils and over powering my senses. It makes my head swim, like I'm high off of her fumes. Finally she speaks, "Are you ready Tori?"

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><p><strong>Being completely honest, I don't like anything but the end of this chapter. I had to rehash a bit of stuff. I'm kind of over all grumpy at the moment anyway. Just life hitting at me or what ever. Any way. Most importantly I didn't want to split this up into three parts. I've had this particular chapter written for like a week or more. I wanted to make the Catorade *fucking love that word* a one part chapter. It IS important though. If you notice in the description in my first chapter I said I wanted to create a love triangle, well that's because Cat was always going to get involved. I didn't label this a 'Catorade' story because in reality it's not, that's just one part. To be honest, I read the whole story over today myself and thought 'damn when I started writing this story THIS is so not what I pictured'. I thought I would write three specific chapters and be done. My name would once again fall into the back pages of the fanfics, buried by the bustley writers who think that 300 words make a chapter and are working on refining their skills or the up and coming new writers that just pop up out of no where and captivate us. Anyway, long story short, (yeah right) the ending is going to be in three parts now, almost completed btw. It just would have been upwards of 15,000 words and even for me, that's crazy long. Much love guys 3 I'm going to get back to writing now (hoping my power doesn't cut out.) Sorry about the ending of this thing.<strong>


	9. What's Black, Red and Hot All Over Part2

**Wow, I'm really sorry this took so long to get posted. For some reason I had a really hard time with this sex scene (yeah it's pretty filthy). Just so you know though, this isn't the very last chapter, there is one more. I won't tell you when I'm going to post it because, let's face it, it'd probably end up being a lie. I will try to wrap it up soon. Now that I have the summer off from school and I'm just working (instead of doing both work and college while running my little farm) I have the evenings to write. Hopefully I'll get over the Lost kick I'm on and focus on this. I do have an idea for another Victorious story, two actually but I'm not sure which one I'll be doing. I know I'll do one, my obsession with Liz Gillies is nearly creepy. XD So, I hope you like this, let me know what you think.**

**!WARNING! This chapter kind of steps up extremes in the sex department. The language will be more crass, the D/s roles will be a little more defiant, and the sex is on the fetishy side. If you don't like that, this chapter is totally skip-able, it's just smut. Just know that Tori enters a relationship with Cat and wait for the next chapter if you don't like the sex. (Though if you don't like a plot revolving smut I don't know how the fuck you even got to this freaking chapter).  
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><p><strong>Jade<strong>

I can't stop looking at her. My lips may be pressed against Tori, my sex may be throbbing from the feeling of her hot flesh, but my eyes refuse to leave Cat. I run a hand up Tori's thigh towards her lower lips, barely grazing them with my nails. She flinches and exhales hard in anticipation, in want. But this is all for Cat. Cat who is sitting across the room shifting on the sofa, trying to control herself. Trying to look calm. I know it's killing her. She's wanted Tori for a long time, she told me so herself. Not that she needed to, I could see it. Even before Tori and I started fucking, I could see it. Cat isn't great with subtlety, Tori was just too stupid to notice. She never thought of a girl like that (besides me of course), most certainly not Cat. She only saw one side of the perky little redhead. A sweet little kitten, with big eyes and soft fur. She and was blind to the lion that lurks behind those cloying eyes.

I can hear Cat whimper as my lips lower to kiss the curve of Tori's bottom, lingering over her flesh. Damp, heated breaths rolling across the skin like a fog. They're both hating this. Tori hates the teasing, the build up. She likes to go at it hard and not beat around the bush. Normally I do this to torture her. Today, I do it to torture Cat. Cat who almost screwed everything up. Before I fucked everything up with Beck, I planned on introducing Tori to Cat. At the risk of sounding cliche I must admit that something about having both of them is just so utterly... delicious. So tantalizing. So right. Tori can feel it. I know she can. I can't see her, but I know her eyes are either closed, or on Cat. Because she feels it too. That feeling pulls her gaze to the little singer and holds them there. Good, let her stare. We'll both stare, maybe it'll crack this newly formed shell of self righteousness and morals my lovely little kitten has formed out of thin air. Sitting over there being stubborn, because she's worried I can't handle this anymore. Thinks that because I made one mistake (granted it was a monumental one) that I don't know limits or boundaries anymore. Like I'll do it again, or something worse.

I growl in frustration and nip at Tori's hip, pushing against her lower back with my hand until her knees buckle. She hits the ottoman with a loud 'ompf' of discomfort, and now that I look at her at this angle I can see her sex glistening in the small amount of light the room will allow. Cat can now fully see my face, my glare, my anger. How dare she be angry when I'm trying to give her what she wants. What she asked for! I'm sharing something of mine, taking a risk for her. Even though the same risk was catastrophic last time. I'm doing her a mother fucking favor and she's sitting over there being stubborn. Refusing to come to me. To be with us... because she doesn't trust me right now. She hasn't since I admitted to her what I did with Tori and Beck. It scares her that I lost control when I never have before. I hate Cat being afraid of me, of her not trusting me. I don't need a lot of people, but the people I DO need are far too important to me to damage their trust. That's why I've tried to be... gentler to Tori since my last fuck up.

"Say Tori, do you like games?" I purl, taunting her. The brunette whines in the back of her throat, hips flexing against the cushion. The very tip of my fingernail barely skims the moistened pink flesh of her opening, running up and down against it. The lips of her sex painlessly snag on the black painted keratin for fleeting seconds before swaying back into their original place. I gulp sorely, trying to focus as the tip of my finger wets. Why does she do this to me? Fuck me up so I can't think. My head jerks back toward Cat, who's looking down at her lap, rubbing her legs together. I'm sure if she parted them I'd see the stain of her wetness too. She's wearing down. Slowly... but surely. I smirk and shake my head a bit, I'll win. I'm already winning. I don't know why she doesn't simply... give in.

Tori's answer brings me back from my thoughts. "W-what type of games?" She half pants, half moans. There isn't even the tiniest thread of fear in her voice and it amazes me. Sure, I've manipulated her into having to put her trust in me, but it still astounds me that it was so easy to do. As usual, she never stops giving and I am more than happy to take. My finger pauses on her bottom, drawing wet lines and circles with the dampness it's collected. "Games Tori. Just games. Any type." I lilt, pinching her roughly and twisting the skin in my grasp. The Latina squeals in surprise and discomfort, arching up off of the footrest. Her feet lift from the ground and her toes curl. I can hear her mumble a soft, 'fuck' as she relaxes back against the leather and accepts the pain I'm giving her. All for the promise of pleasure later. It wasn't the response I was looking for (even though I thoroughly enjoyed it) so I keep looking. "What was that Tori? I didn't quite hear your answer." I say, my tone stays light. I don't want her to think I'm angry with her but... I need her to do this right.

My eyes go back to Cat, her head is down now, legs crossed, hands gripping a pillow. She knows better than to hide herself, to put it over her, so instead she leaves it to one side, leaning to grip with both hands. Tori moans as I release my fierce, nail digging hold, "Y-es. Yes I like games." A shiver runs down her spine as she says it and I can't help but chuckle. "Nothing to be ashamed of Tori. We _all_ love to play games. Do _you_ want to play a game with **_me_**?" My hand runs lightly over her ass as I ask. Tori drops her head, groaning loudly. "Mhmm." Is all she manages to say though. Again I hold back a little laugh, letting it come out as an almost inaudible grunt. My hand pulls back quickly, only to slap against her inner thigh with surprising force. The flesh wiggles around in irritation, redness swelling up across the skin. This time Tori does what I want. Her head tosses back up and she screams. Loud, without hesitation, unrestrained. I can see her ribcage collapse on itself as she forces the breath out. Before she can recover or relax, I kick her feet apart and push a finger in her, thrusting in hard. It draws the scream out longer, her nails clawing at the footrest and her legs threatening to lift back up.

Just barely I hear it, cloaked by Tori's scream, drawing me from the beautiful sight of her body. A low, wanting moan. My eyes flick over to Cat. Her lips are parted and she's panting now. She isn't hiding it any more. Her eyes clearly reflect her satisfaction. Tori's scream dies out and my finger starts to wiggle back and forth inside of her. Stroking her inner walls gently with the digit. "Jade..." The redhead whimpers, looking straight at me, then glancing at Tori. The latina's head flicks, pushing the hair from her eyes. "Oh? Did you want to play too Kitty?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. Cat nods, dropping her head and shifting around before standing up. I frown, stopping her before she gets too close to us. Tori is staring at the smaller girl,trying to move her hips against my finger for some relief that I won't let her have. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear your answer. Do you want to play too _**Cat**_?" The last part is hissed out from between my teeth, letting her see my irritation. Her tiny feet square up and she looks up bravely, getting her guts back. However her face stays soft, trying to kill me with kindness I suppose. "Yes! Yes! You know I do!" She blurts, her hands reaching out to me. I don't stop her when she presses against me, straddling Tori's hips and my arm so that she can get close. I wonder briefly if Tori can feel Cat's wetness against her bottom. All thoughts come to a raging halt when the smallest girl pushes her lips bravely against mine, almost aggressively.

I match her forcefulness and use my free hand to grip her hair, holding her to my lips. She lets out a squeal against them and continues her assault. Her mouth parts before mine does, tongue swiping out to lick at my lips sweetly despite the force of her kiss. Slowly but surely she softens against me. I can practically feel her nerves and anger starting to seep through her skin and into the air, floating away from her. My mouth opens and I let my tongue reach out to stroke her's lovingly. Trying to soothe her further. Her muscles are relaxing. I can feel her wet panties against my wrist as her bottom settles back against Tori's. The Latina groans in frustration, Cat's forcing her hips to be still. When all tension is gone from her body I gently pull my hand from her hair and break the kiss, pecking her on the lips shortly before catching my breath. Cat giggles despite the lack of oxygen, wearing that stupid grin she always gets when we're about to fuck. That stupid grin that drives me wild.

She leans closer to me, her face hoovering by the side of my own. "You play dirty." She whispers coyly. I nudge her with my head very gently, prompting her to sit up. Her weight shifts back further onto Tori and makes her grunt. My eye brow perks up, pulling my finger out of Tori and sticking it to Cat's lips, "You like it." I make sure to whisper back to her, causing her to shudder before opening her mouth and encasing my finger in her lips. Her tongue dances greedily around the digit, lips sucking ever so softly in a tight 'o' shape. When I pull my finger back her lips make a slight 'pop' and it. The cool air fluttering across it makes me throb down in my sex. Her eyes are fixated on me, having not left since she came over here. A tiny sigh of relief finds it's way out of me. There's no fear there anymore. It's all out. Cat **_trusts_ **me again. Whether I deserve it or not... I need it. It's enough to shake any doubting thoughts I had about doing this.

I clear my throat and shake my head. Focus Jade. I've got to learn to focus better... but damn it these girls will be the death of me. All that soft flesh, all that taught muscle, all those warm juices and heady smells they give... UGH! Focus! I stamp my foot and snort, "Up Cat." The redhead bounces off of the Latina's hips and stands with her legs open in front of me. It's getting too dark in here, and I want to be able to _see_ their reactions when I do what I want with them. I want them to see it coming. "Go hit the lights, then run to the garage and get that bag I brought. It's in my car." I insist, Cat doesn't even take a second to think about it. She practically prances to the light switch and flicks them on before disappearing completely through the door. My hand absentmindedly reaches up to stroke Tori's thigh, both of us let out a sigh of content.

"You brought a bag?" Tori whispers, the timbre of her voice shaking. I nod, not realizing she can't see me to perceive my silent signal. "You didn't really go home because of a head ache did you?" She continues to prod, disrupting my peaceful mood. I snort and lean back in the chair, carelessly propping my feet on her bottom. "Head ache? Is that what he told you? Ugh, he's such a shitty liar. I should have never put him on the spot like that." I say, more so to myself, taping my finger against the chair. What is taking Cat so long? It's like 30 steps to the garage and back! The bag is right in my front seat. So help me if that girl stopped in the kitchen for a snack! "Then, ugh Jade you're crushing me, why did you leave school?" She grunts. I realize I've been pressing down on her back with my legs unintentionally as my ire grows. My feet slide to the floor and I rub my temples, "I had to go get some stuff to prepare... oh come on Tori you didn't think this was a spur of the moment thing? Cat's parents told us a week ago they would be out of town for the weekend. But I will admit I wouldn't have left school early if I knew how long it would take for you two to get ice cream." I paused and growled a bit in irritation, "Speaking of a long time. CAT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Tori visibly flinches from the power of my voice. "I HAD TO GO POTTY!" The redhead replies, and the both of us chuckle a bit. Poor Cat and her teeny tiny bladder.

When she finally comes back into the room I laugh again but Tori tenses in fear. Cat is carrying a large duffel bag stuffed to it's maximum capacity. The bag is about half her size and she struggles to carry it in a way that doesn't look awkward. The blue bag makes a loud thump against the carpet, the zipper threatening to burst. It's normally smooth sides have been replaced by a bumpy exterior caused by the many objects within it's confines. Tori's breathing accelerates faster the longer she looks at the bag but I try to ignore it. It's supposed to make her a little nervous. I _like_ that.

Cat lets out a sigh of relief but her eyes are sparkling with anticipation. She knows **all** about that bag. "Now... about that game Tori. Get up." I drawl, bending over and tugging on the zipper. The leather makes a delightful sound as Tori's sweaty skin is forcibly peeled from it. It can't seem to get enough of her either. Her front is a light shade of pink from her hips to half way up her breasts. It should be a relief to be on her own two feet... but Tori looks far from grateful. The big round eyes watch me with lust and fear, nearly overwhelming me with intensity. Cat's bouncing up and down beside me breaks the moment, and I feel like I'm still buzzing with electricity when our stare is severed. I clear my throat and jerk at the zipper of the bag until it bursts. "Tori," I say as gently as possible (which believe you me it is **anything** but amiable), "Cat must feel awkward with all of those clothes on." The redhead giggles but is quickly silenced and reduced to a shivering mess when she sees the predatory gleam in my eyes.

Tori's nervous hands reach out for the smaller girl and Cat trembles when the Latina's hesitant fingers slide around her back to pluck the bra loose. It takes a few times, and Cat isn't helping the situation. Her puffy red lips are pressed against the curve of Tori's neck, searching for a sweet spot. It's clear when Cat finds it, up near the slope of her friend's jaw. Tori moans for her like she's melting from the very core. Sweet and breathy. Cat's pink tongue breaches her lips to dart out against that very spot two or three times, then she blows on it. I can see Tori's legs tremble, her knees suddenly aren't so sure about supporting her body. In her delirium the Latina practically rips the bra off of Cat when she catches me watching. Realizing she'd lost focus Tori sighs softly and pulls back from the tiny vixen that's currently making mush of her brain. She lets out something between a moan and a hum as her lips kiss every inch of flesh down Cat's body, not stopping until she's on her knees in front of the redhead, her hands stroking the tan flesh of her friend's hips. Nimble bronze fingers loop under Cat's ridiculous panties and lower them at an agonizing pace. One by one, Cat lifts her feet and steps out of the cloth binding, making sure her inner thigh rubs Tori's cheek.

I can see Tori lick her lips and breathe in abruptly. If I don't put a stop to this now I'll never get any semblance of control back. The Latina is leaning in ever so slightly, mouth parted when I grab her arm. Almost like I violently hit her, knocking her from her trance, Tori shouts loudly and stumbles to the side. It only makes Cat shiver and giggle in delight. I snort, looking up at her with a scolding glance as she tries to play innocent. Sure she may not have told Tori to do it, but she sure as hell wasn't going to stop her either. Speaking of Tori, she crawls back onto her knees, panting wildly. Her hair is a bit messed from the fall and Cat ever so gently bends down and strokes the frayed locks until they're tamed. Her fingers don't leave the other girl's hair when she's finished. Instead Cat buries them into Tori's tresses and rubs them against the base of her skull. "Damn Cat would you behave yourself for five seconds?" I chide hollowly. To be honest I don't blame her, I can barely keep my hands off of Tori. The redhead gives a devilish smirk and pulls away from her friend, lowering down to her knees so that she's at the same level I'm crouching on. My hand is still in the bag, but I can't for the life of me remember what I'm looking for.

Cat's lips peck against mine slowly and then her teeth ensnare my bottom lip, pulling on it lightly until it escapes their ivory hold. I can't help the groan that escapes me. She chuckles, bravely reaching her hand up to cup my breast, her thumb nail lightly flicking my nipple. Her hot breath lingers against my lips as she hoovers not even an inch away. "And what if I don't? You've going to _punish_ me?" She practically moans, kissing my lips again. In frustration I roughly shove her back, "I might just Kitty Cat." She lands gracelessly on her bottom and I can hear Tori gasp. For fuck's sake Cat asked for it! Still, Tori seems surprised I'd ever be so rough with her, usually I try to take special precautions with the tiny little singer... but not now. The redhead whimpers and pouts dramatically, sitting dumbly in the exact position I pushed her into. Her legs are out from beneath her, her arms are propping her up from behind, and her thighs are parted. She whines ever so softly and I roll my eyes, "You know I can't think when you do that Kitty. How can we play if I can't think?" She nods in understanding and claps her hands together in front of her, "What game are we going to play? OH! Can we play hide and go seek?"

I perk up my eye brow , looking over at Tori who is shaking her head a little. "That's not exactly the type of game I was talking about baby girl." I explain but an idea strikes me. Just as Cat's smile starts to fall, I pick her right back up again, "Actually. I think we will play hide and go seek... but lets make it a little more exciting hm?" Cat nods her head vigorously and Tori sits quietly back in trepidation. We've done little more than fuck over the past couple of months. This will be the first game we've ever really played. My hand digs through the bag and pulls out a vibrator, similar to the one I had strapped on Tori. I toss it to Cat, who eagerly begins to secure it around her waist and between her legs. Almost sensing where this is going, Tori reaches across the floor and grabs the discarded machine, strapping it on easily and making sure it's secured tightly. I shiver at the sight of them both, "Alright. Here's the deal ladies," Cat giggles loudly at the term of endearment and Tori almost relaxes enough to enjoy the playful side of the ruthless predator she's come to love... almost. She realizes this is still a cat and mouse game I've caught her in. While my claws are retracted and I'm not so deadly at the moment, she's perfectly aware that I can whip them out and slice her to bits if I want to.

"I," I explain languidly, "am going to count to, I don't know 100 or whatever. You two are going to hide where ever the hell you want. I don't care if you go to the mother fucking moon but you can't take those off, and you can't put your clothes on. I'll set my phone, " I lifted up my pearphone and shook it, "For 15 minutes. All you have to do is hide for 15 minutes and if I_ don't_ find you... you can do what ever the hell you want to me." Cat squeals jovially and Tori gasps. I was actually giving them a free pass to determine **_everything_**. All they had to do... was beat me. "Yes! Yes yes yes!" Cat sang, hopping on her heels. Tori sucked in a ragged breath, "So you're going to turn these on," She pointed to the vibrator, "And make us give ourselves away?" I chuckled, reaching back into the bag slowly, "Ohhh sugar it doesn't gave to be that way." My hand grasped a large ball inside the bag and I pulled it back. Tori's eye got wide as I dangled it from one of the straps on my finger. "I can always **gag **you if that will make it better. I don't want you to think I'm unfair." I taunt, tossing the gag her way. She jumped back like it was a snake and I chuckled, "Didn't think so... only draw back is, if _**I**_ find you, you are _**mine**_. What ever I want, what ever I say."

"Sooo... if you find us everything stays exactly the way it already is." Cat says with a giggle and I shrug. "Pretty much." Is all I say before reaching down into the bag and producing a blind fold. "Oh! Can I tie it Jade?" Cat says reaching in the air toward my hands. I toss her the cloth and pull my hair out of the way. The silk is cold against my eyelids, relieving a bit of the intense, flushing heat in my face. Cat ties the knot almost painfully tight and tosses the remaining black strands of material up in the air as far as the knot will allow, making them land on top of my head. "Alright, get your asses moving." I grunt, shaking my head until the excess of the blindfold can be felt neatly tickling my shoulders along with my hair. "One!" I drawl boredly, feeling my way to the chair and sitting back. Cat is the first to leave, I can tell because her feet are so much smaller than Tori's. They pad away loudly into the distance before disappearing from ear shot. "Vega? What the hell get out of here. Two!" I snarl when I don't hear her leave. Slowly but surely, she makes her way as quietly as possible toward the exit and leaves me alone on the chair.

By the time I hit thirty I'm fumbling with my phone, trying to enable the vibrators and resisting the urge to call this whole thing off on account of how stupid it is. I'm unbelievably horny right now. My skin practically burns with desire. As if that wasn't bad enough, there was the whole stupid wager I made with them. No doubt I'll find Cat. She's already back in the room, I heard her slip in around seventeen. I don't know where the hell she thinks she can hide in here. Vega might be a different story, she can be resilient and immeasurably competitive. She's even bested me a few times. If she wins this... I could be in a really uncomfortable situation. I don't trust Tori enough to like being on bottom and I'm not sure if it will make Cat nervous to let Tori take the reins. She trusts me with sex, she knows me, but this whole thing with Tori is new and I don't know how easily Cat will just give in to the Latina. Of course Cat _could_ try to turn the tables on Vega, she has no problem being the whip cracker so to speak, but I'd still loose in the end, because no doubt she would show all my weak spots to Tori. Stupid fucking pride! It makes an idiot of me every time. All because I wanted to have a little sport.

"One hundred!" I shout, reaching my hand behind my head and fiddling with the knot. After a good degree of difficulty I tug my blindfold off and blink, readjusting to the dim light in the room. The sun is barely holding on to it's position in the sky, and it makes me smile. I love the night, the time when all the best hunters come out to play. Despite my trepidations... I'm more than ready to play. I glance around the room, spotting Cat who is hiding behind the curtains. I don't say anything to her though. 'Finding' her this early in the competition will upset her... and that isn't fun for anyone. Instead of paying her any attention I look down at the timer on my phone and make sure I've actually turned the vibrators 'on'. When I'm good and ready, I get up and head for the door. I make sure I don't seem as rushed or annoyed as I really am.

10 minutes on the clock and I still can't find Tori. I stomp back into the living room and unveil Cat, who squeals but scampers over to the couch. It's clear how agitated I am now and she doesn't take her chances with my temper. I've searched everywhere I can think. The bathroom, the kitchen, Cat's room, the garage, the basement, even Cat's brother's room. Though I didn't figure Tori would ever risk her life in that awful place just to hide from me. His room is creepier than mine. Where the hell is that freak anyway? I shake the thoughts from my head. It's 13 minutes now and I'm starting to panic. In a moment of fury I throw Cat's back door open and check outside. I didn't honestly think Vega had the balls to walk around naked where other people could see her. A loud beeping noise signals 15 minutes. My hand sweeps over the phone and I turn the vibrators off. I feel like screaming in frustration, walking back inside to the living room. Cat's eyes grow wide, looking around for Tori behind me.

"You didn't find her?" The redhead barks nervously. I practically snarl in response, "Does it LOOK like I found her? How the hell do I even get her to come out?" Cat whines softly and gets up from the couch. Her little hands curl around my hips and stroke me in a way that makes my insides clench with want. "Maybe this was a bad idea." She murmurs. Her hands threaten to fall away as I tense up. "You're fine Cat." I snap, not in the mood for her nonsense, "Vega get your ass out here... you won!" Cat nuzzles her face against my shoulder then kisses it softly. "I've never had _sex_ with anyone but you Jade" She says crossly. I shudder and grip her jaw lightly, forcing her head up so I can kiss her deeply. For a moment she acts like she's going to resist but she decides to give in despite her foul attitude. We pull apart when I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Vega is standing smugly at the threshold of the room with her arms crossed. "You didn't check under the bathroom sink." She informs me cockily. I hadn't CHECKED there because I didn't think it was a large enough space for any human being to fit into. Cat stiffens behind me, her nails digging painfully into my arm. I ignore the sting because she doesn't really mean to hurt me.

"Well bravo Vega. I'm all yours," I spit bitterly, spreading my arms in mock submission, "Oh, one thing though Tori," Her smirk falls at the harshness of my tone, "If you don't take care of Cat... I'll strangle you in your sleep." I make sure she keeps eye contact with me as I speak. I need her to know how serious I am about this. She gulps visibly and Cat sighs from behind me. Finally Vega regains control of herself and walks over to the bag, opening it the rest of the way and beginning to extract it's contents. Every item she sees seems to make her eyes grow larger. She's a beautiful shade of blushing red, barely touching the items as she takes them out. "Um... ok so... holy shit Jade what is THIS?" She interrupts herself, pulling out a rabbit vibrator. It's one of the larger toys in the bag, it's edges are ribbed and the arm that protrudes to touch the clit looks pointy, possibly even sharp, even though it's anything but. Vega can't seem to put it down, but looks totally disgusted just holding it. "What does it **_look_ **like Tori?" I say, biting off a chuckle. She throws it onto the ground roughly and literally shivers.

The cocky air she was wearing upon her entry to the room has faded now, and she looks completely confused. My patience with her is quickly waning and so is Cat's, I can see the redhead shifting from foot to foot behind me. Finally, Tori summons up all the courage she can and picks up two pairs of handcuffs and looks bravely in my direction. "Bend over." She says in a rushed, shaking voice, and I comply slowly. Vega's slender hands snap one loop of each cuff on my wrist, and the other to my ankle. I don't try to pull against them or stop her, in fact it kind of turns me on. From my awkward position I see Tori's hand linger over a small crop but then moves on to pick up a black strap on. "Don't be a pussy Vega." I snort, "I sure as hell wouldn't take it easy on you." She huffs loudly, no doubt furious at my obstinance . Her hand drops the strap on and picks up to the black and red crop. Silently, she walks behind me and flicks it through the air. A loud 'woosh' breaks the silence, a promise of what's to come. I shiver and try my best not to tense up. Tori's finger prods at my moist opening and I groan softly in response. She pushes it in and wiggles it until she can't reach any farther.

Suddenly a loud crack rings through the room. I hear the crop before I feel the sting. And hell does it sting. My teeth sink into my lower lip, trying to flick my hair over my shoulders to try and look at her. "C-Cat keep Jade's head down for me." Vega mumbles. Cat makes no move to follow her lead and I swear I hear her mumble, 'you're not the boss of me'. I wonder if Cat is even still turned on, because I can practically _feel_ how angry she is. Tori backs down, afraid to confront Cat because she's either afraid of hurting her tiny friend, or she's scared of what I'll do if she tries. Either way Vega seems to shrug it off, moving her finger slowly in and out of my sex. The crop hits me again, this time on my outer thigh, causing me to hiss and Tori to flinch. "I can't do this!" She almost shouts, dropping the crop and backing away from me. I want to whine when her finger retracts. "Damn it Vega **man** _**up**_! If you wanted me to be quiet-" "It's not that!" She interrupts, "I... I don't want to do this. I can't!" It sounds like she's begging _me_ to stop, when I'm the one in chains.

"What are you talking about?" I nearly scream. Wetness can be felt trickling down my inner thigh and I can't stand the frustration anymore. "You want me to be in charge? Well... if I'm in charge and I want you to be in charge then you have to listen to me because I'm in cha-" I cut her off, completely furious, "For the love of... fine. Cat!" I snap, causing the redhead to jump to attention, "Un-cuff me." She drops down to her knees, snickering for reasons that are beyond me. Her hands fish for the keys in the secret compartment of the bag, and she releases me hastily. "Lay _down_ Cat." I hiss, leaving her no room to hesitate. She's flat on her back in a split second.

I stand up and turn back to Vega, who looks positively terrified at my smirk. "You're giving up the only chance I'm ever going to give you to take control." I warn, she seems to understand, fiddling with the crop before shoving it into my hands, "Alright... get on top of Cat." The Latina drops to her knees and crawls over her friend, who wastes no time pressing her lips against the taller girl. Vega gasps into her mouth but kisses back, her hand runs up Cat's side to cup her breast. I can see the redhead part her lips, shoving her tongue past Tori's while her hand grips the dark brown tresses of the back of her friend's head. She holds her there in the kiss for an unbelievably long time, Tori is squealing for air which I know only makes Cat more hungry.

Just as Tori's eyes pop open and her hand starts to tense on Cat's breast, I bring my arm down and crack the crop against her ass. The Latina rears back and practically howls, but I give her no time to recover before whacking her again. Cat moans from beneath her, wiggling until she it straddling one of Tori's bent knees and rocking her hips against it. Tori gasps for air, her breasts bob with every forceful breath as I allow her to catch it. "For the record, **that** is how you use the crop Vega." I taunt, flicking the leather against an angry red stripe on her ass. The brunette's toes curl and she struggles to get a hold of herself, which I reluctantly allow. Cat isn't showing her any such mercy, bending up to kiss and nibble at the crook of Tori's neck. I can see the bronze flesh start to raise up in pleasant agitation. There will undoubtedly be a hickey there tomorrow. Cat's plump red lips kiss down to Tori's breast and capture her nipple, sucking gently but greedily. Her hand works Tori's other breast, tweaking the hardening bud in the center. I can see Vega's thighs tremble and her eyes close. Now she's puffing for air for an entirely different reason. "Ohhh fuck Cat!" She whines loudly, her own hips bucking against the air. I can see her wetness glistening from my place behind her.

Cat bites down on her nipple and tugs playfully, almost making Tori's arms give out. It's then that I notice I'm panting too. My eyes trace the red welts the crop has made on Tori's bottom and my skin prickles with annoyance. It isn't enough. I like to see her red. I want too see her _**red**_. In an act of frustration I smack the crop against her harder than the first two times. Tori tosses her head back and screams like I've stabbed her. I repeat the action three times, watching in fascination as Cat shoves two of her fingers into her friend and starts to thrust. Vega shakes, somewhere between heaven and hell right now and I know it. Her legs open to encourage Cat as she takes the abuse I'm inflicting on her backside almost pleasurably. I reach over to where I dropped my phone, picking it up and turning the vibrators on both girls. Cat squeals, her hips hopping against Tori's leg even faster. Tori shoves her mouth against Cat's in a brutal kiss, dropping down onto her elbows and forcing Cat away from her knee. Their breasts rub and press against each other as Vega eagerly devours her friend's lips.

I'm not even close to done with either of them yet. I drop to my knees behind them and grab a purple two way dildo. The two girls are too wrapped up in each other to see it coming. I push it into Cat first who cries out into Tori's mouth. She bucks up against the thick dildo as I take the time to thrust it roughly in and out of her. Her wetness seeps out over my fingers and I capture it greedily, pushing the digits into my mouth and sucking the nectar off of them. Tori is nipping Cat's collar bone distractedly when I force her hips over the large synthetic cock carelessly. She tries to fight it at first, out of sheer surprise but then sinks down onto the dildo with a loud moan, letting it impale her. I gasp the crop again, smacking Tori's inner thigh ruthlessly, "**Fuck** her Tori. Fuck Cat." I don't have to say it twice, Vega's hips start to ride Cat like a pro. The little singer whimpers and whines, mimicking Tori's actions hastily. Neither of them are being gentle. They aren't holding anything back, and it's so beautiful.

Tori is sitting up almost straight now, trying to get more inside of her _and_ make Cat happy too. Cat's hands are digging into her thighs as she raises her hips up to meet Tori desperately. Her head shakes back and forth slightly, eyes locked on Tori's bobbing breasts. I'm so horny it feels like my insides are about to explode. As much as I love to drag this out... I can't stand it anymore. I walk around to the front of the two girls, straddling Cat's head facing away from Vega. The redhead immediately lifts her mouth to lick my agitated sex and I can't help but buck my hips. "**Harder **Tori!" I growl forcefully, flicking the crop that is still in my hand behind me and smacking her carelessly with it. It connects with her breast with a loud 'crack' and the brunette complies. I'm so preoccupied with Tori I don't notice Cat reach over and grab hold of the large purple vibrator until she starts to push it inside of me. It takes everything I've got not to fall over in that instance. I feel Vega's lips against the two welts she made on my ass, then her teeth sinking into them. "FUCK!" I scream, unable to control it. My hips flex and shove the vibrator inside of me roughly.

In her own ecstasy, Cat is thrusting the buzzing contraption hard and fast inside of me. Tori's pleasure is building too, I can hear her moans get louder, and faster. A second doesn't go by where one of the girl's isn't moaning or making some noise to flaunt the pleasure that their feeling. Their noises only increase my excitement, I feel like I'm about to float away. My head is spinning at an alarming rate, I've never felt this amazing in my life. Tori's tits are nudging against my backside as she thrusts with all of her might. The girls are bouncing and jostling me roughly with the force of their hips bucking. With a shaking hand I manage to reach and grab a third dildo, bringing it to Cat's lips expectantly. She opens her mouth and takes in as much as she can, the material muffling her wild sounds. I take a moment to just soak in the sight of her beneath me, thrusting the thick dildo in and out of her lips until I'm sure it's coated in saliva. I push it in further until she chokes, and struggles to continue to take anymore in. Finally I pull it from her lips roughly and hear a barely audible 'pop' as they reluctantly release the fake cock.

I reach the wet dildo behind me, glaring at Vega over my shoulder and trying to force myself to stop riding Cat's thrusting hand. "S-stick it in Tori." I huff, screaming as Cat shoves the vibrator harder inside of me, stretching and filling me up. Tori can't seem to process my request through her pleasure, but takes it from my hand none the less. "Where?" She pants, her eyes threatening to roll back in her head. "Where do you _**think** _Vega. Do it!" I snarl. She carefully parts my quivering cheeks and presses the cock against my ass, pushing it in just slightly and removing it. The next thrust she pushes it in deeper and is rewarded when I scream and toss my head back. Cat's other hand reaches up in her delirium and grips my hair, pulling it hard. My hand fumbles to get the crop I've dropped as Vega starts to rhythmically thrust in my ass. She pushes in as Cat pulls out, moving fast and careless as her own pleasure mounts and she nears the end. I finally grasp the crop carefully positioning myself so that I can bring it down on Cat's hip, and then Tori's. I alternate my angry slaps, keeping pace with their thrusting. Tori screams out Cat's name, trusting her hips so wildly I wonder if she'll snap her back. Cat writhes beneath me, desperately trying to keep up without stopping her assault on me. Her hand savagely yanks my hair with every slap of the crop while the other pushes the vibrator in as deep as it can go.

Tori screams, quickly followed by Cat, then their bodies go slack for a split second. Cat can barely breathe, unable to control the aftershock of her powerful orgasm, but she keeps thrusting into me. Tori seems to be having the same problem, but instead of keeping pace, she starts to thrust harder. The dildos are thrusting inside me at the same rhythm now, filling me with a strange mixture of pain and pleasure that I've come to love. Tori's hand smacks against my ass, pushing me over the edge. I try to throw my head back, but Cat's hand is locked in my hair. I shake, scream, spin, I swear I fly as they thrust into my relentlessly. My toes curl up and I tense so hard I can't breathe. I shout both of their names. They don't slow down though, keeping me coming for as long as they can. I can feel the vibrator bouncing against my cervix, unable to go any farther. My back twists and arches up as my entire body jerks before going slack and practically falling on top of Cat. The redhead leans her breathless lips up to mine and kisses me.

When we untangle ourselves from one another we don't speak. I pack my things back into the bag and chance a look at a happy Cat and Tori. Both girls seem to be in a blissful shock, smiling stupidly. We go to be thoroughly exhausted, all curled up in Cat's tiny bed (even though I despise cuddling). I lay there in the dark, silently reveling in my victory. I've done more than make Tori give into me, I've made it so she _wants_ to. She -needs me. And if things go according to plan (which judging by tonight's earlier experience they will) and she gets attached to Cat, then eventually Tori will need her too. If I can make it so they need me as desperately as I need them, if I can tangle and tie us all together until we're in such a tight knot no one can unravel us... then I can keep them forever. I nod reassuringly to myself. I have to keep pushing, pulling, suffocating, manipulating Tori until I'm sure she's attached to me like Cat is. I won't loose her. I won't loose either of them. I'm going to keep them _**forever**_.


	10. Freeing the Song Bird Ending 2

**Please read this, it's actually important this time.**

**Alright my cookies, here it is. The end. I know some of you are going to hate me for this... but I like it. I know it's a giant, huge, long emo rant disguised as a story, but I'm proud of it. I KNOW most of you are going to be pissed by the end of it and all of the pairings but... I still like it. It was supposed to end this way from the beginning. I do thank you guys though, it's been awesome to have other people read my writing and enjoy it. I've enjoyed your feed back immensely and I think you're great so I hope I don't let you down completely with this chapter despite it being both emo and so so so SO cheesy. But this was the plan from the beginning and I'm glad I stuck to it.**

**Sorry it took so long to get out, **_(that's what he said)_ **but I had a really hard time wrapping this chapter up. (It's about this point** **you can ignore me and go ahead with the story if you want) But to be honest I didn't want to let this story go. I loved writing it, and I loved the characters, and worst of all even though I knew this was how it was going to end I didn't _want_ it to end this way.**_**  
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**I know it seems to drag on forever, but that is mostly because I put a lot of my own feelings into this. I wanted to convey a very brutal love, like my own first love was, and show that it was still _love_ in the end and that is what mattered. I also really wanted to get across that love never fades, even if it moves on. So I'm sorry if it does disappoint, piss off, or make you hate my writing, but this just sort of wrote itself and I'm proud to stick by it. Much love and thanks, LLCoyote  
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** !Happy reading!  
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><p><strong>Tori<strong>

They say time flies when you're having fun... I think that is even more true when you're having sex (whether it's fun or not). Graduation reared its ugly head up on us before we even had a chance to realize what was happening. I'm not sure you really CAN grip the concept of graduation entirely until it's upon you for the first time. It was like a slap to the face, one day you wake up and realize it's all over, and it's all starting. The extremity of the situation is physically and mentally painful as your life rips in two different directions. You're never happy on this day, especially if you're in Hollywood Arts. H.A kids are destined to go somewhere, to be somebody... and that means going where ever the people want you. Very few of us get to stay together, or even in touch. We go where the audience wants us to be. As a performer, you learn to please the people. As Jade's friend, you learn that lesson ten fold.

She stands in the rear of the line, looking even less enthused than I thought she would. There's a trademark Jade scowl on her face, even though I can't see it. We're all in the alphabetical order of our last names, so the only people 'together' are Cat and I. Even at that she is four students ahead of me, bouncing up and down without looking back. No one is looking back. No one but Andre. His eyes are set on me, reassuring and calm. My best friend, he never has let me down, so I trust him that I'm safe now. Usually I'd look to Jade for such reassurance, but she isn't offering me any today. She isn't offering me anything.

My gaze turns back to the raven haired beauty that I've come to love so much it feels like a knife to the chest when I think of her. The gorgeous actress stands rim rod straight, face flat, shoulders squared. Those piercing eyes are scanning the crowd, staring people down and daring them to say something and ruin her proud, boastful attitude that she's surrounded herself in. It hurts to see her. Fuck does it hurt. I shake my head and swallow some bile as I try to get the guts up to try and catch her eye. She refuses to look at me, and speaking to me isn't even a plausible option anymore. Jade **hates** me right now.

I'm leaving for London tomorrow for a co-starring part in an under-rated movie that the producer hopes will take the box office by storm as a 'black horse'. It's a long shot, but aren't they all? It's my chance. My chance to finally be the star I've dreamed of my whole life. My chance to escape. All Jade sees is I'm leaving her, and she knows this is exactly what I've been waiting for. The opportunity to do something I have been trying to do for the two years since we started fucking. I'm walking out that door... and I'm not ever coming back. Not to this school, not to my family's house, and not to her. I have to get away from her. If I'm ever going to make it anywhere, if I even hope to be happy I have to run away from her. As fast as I can and not look back. Not even a glance, I can't give her a split second because if I do, she'll catch me again.

I could love Jade. I guess that's the wrong way to say it because I DO love her. What I meant is I could _stay_ with Jade. I could be with her forever... I can still remember that one night I had sex with Beck. We curled up in my room and I got to touch the real, unrestrained Jade. If she would let down her walls, forget about these stupid rules, leave Beck, ditch Cat, and just try... I could stay with her. It'd be easy. I've spent two years trying to be with her, three if you count the year I met her that we WEREN'T having sex. In that time I've done everything one woman can do, and she still refuses to love me. I realize that I can belong to Jade but Jade will never belong to me. She'll never be mine like I'm her's. I'm not sure why, but I know that I can't take it any more.

If it hasn't happened yet, I need to realize it isn't happening and move on with my life. I refuse to be one of those people that are stuck. Running in circles and trying to preserve something that has long since been wilting and refusing to let it die. I've poked and prodded and stoked a dying flame... but it's time to let the embers burn to ash and the ash to fly away with the wind. I need to accept that no one can hold Jade West. It's like putting an elephant on a leash, you can try your damnedest, but that thing is NOT moving if it doesn't want to... However I can't say that it doesn't kill me that I have to do this. It's like stuck in a bear trap. I HAVE to cut my foot off if I'm going to live, but I'll never get that foot back and it'll bleed and hurt for months. I'll have to learn how to walk again. I'll have to learn how to live Jade-less and right now, in the moment than I'm actually leaving her, I'm thinking loosing a literal foot would be easier. This pain is almost blinding.

My name is getting closer and closer on the list until finally, there is nothing between me and the awaiting stage but some concrete stairs. Helen isn't genuine when she smiles at me, I'm not sure why but she never got around to really liking me the way most people did. Sikowitz on the other hand is practically jumping up and down, waving his hand behind the short woman, making sure I look over him. Making sure I don't miss him right now, because I know I will later. Slowly, and with caution, I step up onto the stage and straighten myself out. With a small grin I try and gracefully close the 15 step distance between Helen and myself. I manage not to trip and fall on my face on the way over. She gives my hand a warm shake before shoving the paper into my grasp. The crowd claps, a few whistle, and I take a front row seat next to Andre, Robbie, and Cat. Who knows where Beck is. He's been disappearing more and more lately.

Students come and go, people I couldn't care less about. Their names are just part of the constant buzz of noise in the air, and hold just about as much meaning to me as the cough I just heard from an older gentleman two rows back. "Jadelyn August West!" Helen says, beaming at the goth in a way she didn't at me. It's the name I've been waiting for. My eyes lock onto the woman I love so intensely. This is it. The curtain is about the close. The finale is here and the show is almost over. I'm crying a little, my chest is swelling so hard it hurts. Andre reaches over to grasp my knee lightly. Whether he's feeling anxious because this is the last person of our group and knows it's ending too, or to comfort me I don't know... but I'm so glad it's there. Wrapping around tight and warm, reminding me I'm not alone in the last moments.

Jade's front right boot slams against the stage with this certain air she always seems to have. She never tries to be graceful, but somehow that blunt, powerful, demanding stride, full of weight and determination is the most elegant thing I've ever seen. Like poetry that doesn't rhyme, her motions don't need to flow, they cut through the norm and slice through you with a blunt truthfulness that is stunningly beautiful. Helen's hand confidently holds a diploma out to the girl as she takes the stage. As always, Jade's presence commands attention and love from the audience and even those that don't know her clap earnestly. How could they not? Her head is held high, chest puffed out, with a smile/smirk on her face that isn't just there for show. That expression isn't made to appease the audience, to look good for a picture, or to rub it in anyone's face. Jade is smiling because she's done it. Something for her, that no one can take away. While Jade doesn't share much with me... I know she's struggled her entire life. I know that half of the time it's seemed like one big crap storm after another, and now, that tiny piece of paper is letting her move forward. Every step she takes is another step toward freedom and not depending on anyone.

I wipe some tears that are dripping down from my eyes. I can't loose it, I can't be weak. Her eyes pass over the crowd, locking on her father and raising her chin a little higher, as if to laugh silently in his face, then they continue down the rows. Andre gets a small nod from her, and her eyes seem to soften and even contemplate Cat, until finally she zeros in her gaze on me. I don't think she's ever looked so happy, and for a moment, her smile softens from pride,to something akin to love. No, it IS love. So much of it, captured in her eyes and I know that's as far as it will ever get. That love will never escape her gaze. It'll never be mine to touch again. It beats against those glassy walls of her eyes like a caged animal, begging to be free but unable to escape... But I can feel it thrumming in my heart as I return her stare. It's strong, and it makes my vision blur with tears, my heart soar, my stomach flip, and my mind soften. For those few seconds, I'm on a love high... and with a tiny shake of her head and a coy wink my way, her eyes leave me and she exits the stage... The high is over. I plummet from the air like crashing plane.

We don't meet up afterwards... We never say 'I'll keep in touch', because we know that's a lie. We never hug and tell the other they'll be missed and without them, life will be twice as hard as it is now. We both know life is going to hurt, going to suck without each other until our wounds heal. That smile said it all, and when she exits that stage, Jade West exits my life. I practically hear the curtain thump closed as I watch her walk straight down the rows, to her car, then right out of the parking lot without waiting for a soul...And she'll never know how hard I screamed into my pillow when I got home. Her eyes will never see that hole I punched in my wall. She'll never know how I lamented every second she was gone. Jade West will never know how desperately and brokenly I cried for her that night... or how by the morning, I was all cried out.

~wmvmw~

I always said I wanted to be a pop star. When I was little, it was just a dream. When Trina got into Hollywood Arts and no one even thought to ask me to audition, it was a ridiculous notion. When I got into H.A, it was a possibility... And now it's a reality. I've had four songs top the charts just in the last two months. My concerts? Sold out with desperate people standing outside the stadium just to hear. In the ten years since I left H.A. I've had five world tours, and I'm getting ready for another. I've starred in two major movies... Oh and I'm married. That last one has nothing to do with my fame, but everything to do with success.

Victoria Harris is not a catchy name when you first hear it, but the longer I have the title, the higher regard I hold it in. Andre is an amazing man. Patient, kind, smart, funny, talented, like a puma in the bed, and a great father. We have two fraternal twin girls... and I have a family that ten years ago, never seemed possible. I've matured from that awkward, fumbling, yet oddly talented girl that was timid and crushed in high school, to a proud, strong mother who's family would give up anything for. It means more than any record deal or photo shoot could ever could. There is something about a family that you don't understand when you're a kid. Something that just... I don't know, you never grasp. It's like something you are told a million times and you even agree, but you never really GET it. Family is everything. Now that I have one of my own, I know that's true.

It's because of that realization that I'm able to do this. Something I swore I would never do, and a place I swore I'd never return to. My heels click against the linoleum of the hallways that I remember traveling up and down for years, but I don't recognize them. What isn't covered by multiple tacky banners that say 'Class of 2013 first annual ten year reunion' is completely different from the Hollywood Arts I knew. New people, with new tastes, putting new finger prints and designs on lockers, their first true taste of artistic freedom. And in another few years, the lockers will change again, and give way to generation after generation of artists, singers, writers, actors, and anyone that even remotely shows promise to Hellene.

My hand tenses on Andre's as we make our way toward the old Asphalt Cafe. There are nerves fluttering in my veins like butterflies that just got their wings. But at least I'm not being flocked by too many people. The cool thing about this is no one is staring at me because I'm famous, they are staring because they know me. My name isn't shouted out in admiration, but recognition. And that same aspect that makes it so cool, makes it scary as hell. I don't have many friends outside the family. Not any real 'deep' or 'close' friends. I've met people on sets and I've been outwardly friendly as often as I can bare to be, but what time I have left over from my job isn't to be wasted on people that aren't my family. So being around people that don't just see me as a pop star or an actress, but as silly, goofy, popular, up-and-coming Tori Vega is a terrifying to say the very least.

I slide into a seat in one of the two tables we used to frequent as kids, every one else here seems to be doing the same. Like the chairs are placed in a state of eternal dibs. Andre pats my shoulder and smiles. "I'm gunna grab some grub! You think Festus is still running that grungy old truck?" He says, swinging his legs around the bench and not even waiting for an answer. It wasn't really a question that required one anyway. More so a little joke, or something to ponder. Though I don't really want to 'ponder' Festus, and I highly doubt he's still running the grub truck. The poor yerbanian would be bonkers for sure by now after all these years dealing with kids. Almost as crazy as Sikowitz is... well was. There were two people I wouldn't be seeing here for sure. My beloved acting teacher passed away two years ago in a car crash with Lane... I didn't even have the gall to go to the funerals. Though I was never AS close to Lane as Sikowitz. I had a good reason for not going though, because I knew who would be there.

"O-m-geee! Tori?" A familiar sing-song voice beckoned me from behind. It was a bit deeper now, but I knew way before I turned around, that it was Cat. Red hair, dressed in an outrageous but beautiful pink retro dress, heels so high I swear she is standing on her tip toes. "Cat Valentine!" I squeal, my arms reaching out to her the second I see her. I thought that after seeing her naked so many times in the past, I'd never be able to face her once I put some distance between us. But seeing her now, I can honestly say the only things I feel are overwhelming joy, and relief. I missed her. Cutting Cat out of my life was necessary, and painful. I'm not sure the pain ever went away. I thought it did, but now I realize that I was just pushing the pain down, and focusing on other things. Seeing her face made the pain fade for REAL.

She pulls back, keeping her arms around my shoulders with an almost smug smile. "Nope. That's not me." Her hand pulls back to show a massive, yet classy diamond strapped onto her ring finger. It's cup cake shaped, and pink, but it's defiantly a diamond. "Oh my goodness CAT! Who's the lucky man?" I ask stupidly, forgetting that gay marriage was legalized once again in California a year after we graduated from high school. "Woman." Cat corrects me with a Cheshire grin. Being oblivious as ever I toss my hands up in defeat. "Fine! Then who are you now Cat?" My smile broadens as she giggles and twirls that thick red hair around a finger for a moment, contemplating. Her eyes turn a little more firm, head raises, chest puffs out. In that moment she doesn't look like Cat... She's proud... and she kind of looks like- "It's Catarina Hannah West now." She states firmly, and my jaw pretty much hits the floor. Yup, she defiantly learned that stance from Jade. My surprise is almost too much to get a handle on, but I'm not sure why, it really isn't so unlikely.

But I suppose I always assumed Jade would either break off from both Beck and Cat, or she'd marry Beck. This was... completely unexpected... and I haven't the slightest clue what to say. I won't tell you I haven't FOLLOWED Jade's carrier. I try not to but I can't help over hearing. She did a few small films, then some plays, and most recently every damn casting director in the world is on their knees for Jade West. Despite knowing this, Jade is very private with what goes on behind closed doors. That, paired with my intense need to avoid anything with her name in it, has left me in the dark. Now the light is turned on full, and I'm squinting like I do in the early mornings and Andre flips the switch to get me up. It stings a little, it's very annoying, and I'm totally unsure how to react. But unlike my rude morning awakenings, it makes me happy in a way. Happy that Cat finally got her girl.

Now that I think of it, I knew she always would. She SHOULD be with Jade. I watched the sweet red head take years of crap from Jade, waiting by Jade's feet for the day she'd finally be welcomed by the goth's side. No matter what happened. No matter what Jade did or said, Cat would stay with her. Love is just that powerful. Plus, Jade always did have this way of looking at Cat every day that I only remember getting twice. Once the night I lost my virginity, and last at graduation. Whether Jade realized it or not, I think it was hopeless from the start. Cat was going to have her... and now she does apparently.

"W-wow Cat I don't know what to say." I babble, but smile all the same as Andre swings back into a seat beside me. "You're one to talk Mrs. Harris!" She scolds, pointing at my husband who is shoveling food gracelessly into his mouth. He smiles through his chicken and says something along the lines of 'Hey little red'... but that's about it. Men and food... they just can't help themselves can they? It's a good thing they are serving roasted chicken, because if it were any sort of pork, I'd never get him off of that buffet table. The man loves his ham.

"Yeah I guess... how long have you guys been together officially?" I ask, unable to stop myself. Right now I don't want to talk about me. Just her and Jade... like a junkie needs a fix I NEED to know what happened. I wish Andre hadn't come back. It's hard to talk about this as it is, and I don't need him asking stupid questions. He knows the bare minimum of my high school extra circular activities. Cat smiles sweetly at me, swirling her purple punch, "Since a year after graduation. Beck left for Australia... and when he came back Jade says it wasn't the same. A couple months later, I was staring at a certain dark haired beauty down on one knee. Jade let me plan the ceremony. You'd know all of this if you'd have bothered to come." She said, there was hurt in her voice, but also understanding. I could tell by the smile on her face that she didn't really mean to guilt me.

"I see, and... where is she?" I ask nervously. My hands fumble against the fabric of my dress. Are my knees shaking? No... it's my entire body. The redhead turns to point up the stairs to the higher deck, and on the edge of a tiny crowd, I can see her. She hasn't changed at all. It's like she hasn't aged. Perhaps she grew a few inches, but from this spot it's hard to tell. She's still shaped like a goddess, her hair is still thick and coated in black hair dye, she's ditched the blue and green streaks that darted through her tresses in high school. The locks are pinned up in a delicate up hair-do. Unlike Cat's puffy skirt, Jade wears a dark purple dress with a slight sheen to it. It only has one shoulder, with a low cut neck line, and the entire dress has a light covering of black lace, which extends a little past the bottom of her form fitting attire and brushes her knees. The actress glows under the moonlight, smiling in unrestricted happiness as she chats with Robbie, Beck, and a much less creepy Sinjin. She's perfect... and I realize that she'll always be perfect. Apparently Cat's waving hand distracts her, and her eyes snap over quickly to make sure every thing is ok. They're hard and calculating for a split second, and I can see that familiar protective look in them. The second Robbie sees me, he pats her pale shoulder and trots down the stairs to our table. Beck is close at his heels and a passive Jade brings up the rear.

"There she is." Cat says excitedly, pointing at the dark angel as she steps down from the last metal step, gracefully using Beck's hand on the dismount but disconnecting with him the second her foot is on the floor. Robbie hugs me, and I'm sure I hug him back and give an automated greeting, but I'm not paying any attention. Beck doesn't really speak, but I know he's only trying to wait. To see if I'm ok with all of this or if I'm over whelmed. Always considering others. He's a damn good guy despite the fact he can be an ass at TIMES. Deep down though... he's good. Jade crosses the tiny space between the stairs and our group, and I can see her breath caught in her lungs, pressing against her pale breasts and making them puff out into the dress. It's a lot more painful to see her than I imagined, and she obviously feels the same. Andre's hand squeezes mine, reminding me that he is here and I don't have to be afraid... but I'm not afraid. My heart is swelling in my chest and my eyes are glittering with tears I won't let spill. My head is spinning and my knees are wobbling like jello... but I'm not afraid. I'm overwhelmed by residual feelings, familiar passion, and fleeting thoughts... but I'm **not** afraid. My love for her will always be strong, and will never go away. It's ok... when I don't have to see her. It doesn't HURT when she isn't here. But those flawless green eyes on mine are as painful as a knife to the chest.

Jade exhales as Cat's arm loops around her waist. A small hand on the actress' hip, fingers gently tightening and loosening against the fabric, reassuring squeezes that seem to tiny redhead calms the beast inside of Jade into a more comfortable state with a simple touch. Cages it back before Jade can release it, because that's what she does when things hurt. I can only assume she's hurting too as I finally find the courage to hold eye contact. Jade's beautiful lips pull back into a smile. A real one. One that says that she is relieved to see me, that she's wondered and worried over me all these years, and that she loves me too. I know, because Jade always worries about her things... and in a sick way, I'll always belong to her. Even if it's just a little bit.

"Tori Harris. I'll be damned." She says, her arm wrapping around Cat's shoulder tightly. The smaller girl doesn't object but she lets out the smallest of squeaks. She knows that Jade isn't trying to hurt her, simply trying to deal with the pain that is parading around her skull. I attempt a smile at the tall, pale beauty, "Jade West... you look great." I can't help but say, my hand waving to her flawless body. It couldn't be more true either, it's like time hasn't even started to consider even maybe the possibility of making her look older. The actress rolls her eyes, "Yeah, you too. Ya know, for someone who's pushed two kids out of her vagi-" "Jade!" Cat cuts her off, bumping her hip into her wife in a scolding manner. The tension floods out of me. Same old crass, say and do what ever I want Jade and it's nice to know that some things will always be the same.

"Yeah, two little girls. They wear on the hips." I say, patting them lamely. I can hear Andre snort at my awkwardness. Jade simply purses her lips and looks down at Cat. My awkwardness is no longer something Jade is accustomed to dealing with. For the first time I see a bit of vulnerability on her face, she's looking for direction. The little singer gladly gives it, "You can't tell at all Tori. Mind if we sit?" She asks, waving a hand to the seats around us. I agree, but only because it's uncomfortable to simply stand when there is a perfectly good table right here. Robbie and Andre start to chat, asking about how he finally got that stupid puppet off of his wrist, and Beck waves us goodbye to go back to his wife, a woman I've never even met. Jade, Cat, and I sit there silently, soaking up this odd, familiar feeling. The feeling of us being together. After Jade introduced me to Cat sexually, life was totally different and when we were together, it was like we were our own little family. I truly think that on some level, we all loved each other (even though I just KNEW Cat hated Jade paying me any attention). When we were together, just the feeling of each other being there, occupying the same space, brought us peace. We're sharing that same feeling now as the initial pain dulls to a gentle throb.

We finally start talking, mostly about our careers and my children. I don't tell them anything like their names, or what they like, I know neither girl cares but my children are all I know to talk about. They are what I have to show from my life... or at least it's how I feel. Jade doesn't even pretend to act like she cares about the subject matter but neither of them seem honestly enthralled in the conversation. I can see that despite being here with me, they're more interested in each other. Jade is on hyper alert, looking to Cat for guidance, and Cat is watching Jade curiously for reasons I can't place. But they aren't rude to me. I know they want to be here, to talk to me as much as I do them. They even add things at times, tell things about themselves. It goes on for hours, us talking, dancing, laughing, and the world stops. We get one night to live in the love we thought was lost forever... and it flies by. Because in reality we can't stop time and we all know that. We have to accept that. While it feels nice now, while I can clearly see VERY subtle changes in Jade and fairly dramatic ones in Cat... we split for a reason. So I know that as the crowd thins out and the goodbye hugs are given, that I'll never see them again. We all know that.

Andre heads to the car at about one in the morning, and I'm on his heels. We were the last ones there. The reunion was only set to last until 11, but we'd stayed after with Helen's permission. I sigh and wipe my eyes, getting one last look at Hollywood Arts. I'd faced my demon, and now I knew for certain that I wasn't ever coming back. My business here was finished, I could move on with my life. I turn back toward the parking lot and wave to Cat and Jade as I pass the actress' expensive truck. "Hey! Tori Vega!" The goth shouts, there is a wide smile on her face and she's giving me 'the look'. The one she only ever gave to Cat or Beck back in high school. Confidant and beaming, with her chest puffed out, sharing in my accomplishment. "I'm damn proud you made something of your sorry ass." She says with a smile before getting into the truck and slamming the door. I know that the toughness is all an act, and I remember what Cat said to me all those years ago, on her knees, rubbing my back as I cried after a particularly painful night with Jade.

"Jade doesn't get love Tori. She doesn't understand it. All she knows is sex and pride. Any affection you see from her is a combination of those two things. I've been with her for over 4 years now, and you see how she treats me. Remember that week we worked on the float? How awful she was to me? But I know she loves me Tori. I know because no matter what she says or does, when she looks at me, she's proud. Proud of who I am, and proud of what I've done. It's all she understands and I promise one day, when she's a bigger person... she'll be proud of you too. And then you'll know... Jade loves you Tori."

My hand slides down to my purse to grab my phone as I slide into the car. "You callin the baby sitter?" Andre asks, tilting his head slightly as he turns the keys to the Porsche. I nod silently. "Hello? Harris residence." A voice on the other line answers politely. "Hey it's me! How are the girls?" I whisper for reasons that are beyond me. A light giggle rings out over the line, "Lilly was a little hard to get to sleep, but once Cadence was down she gave up. They're fine now, that was hours ago. Want me to give them the phone?" The sitter whispers. I chuckle as a large truck zooms out of the parking lot, cutting off a line of cars who blare their horns. A familiar pale finger shoots out the window and Andre and I both crack up. "No. It's fine Laura... let them sleep. We'll be home in a bit." I wipe my eyes for the last time that night, and remind myself I'm headed home to my family. I'm not in high school anymore and they are what really matters now. The feelings will fade. Maybe this time they'll fade even more than the last.

It's true. Jade West loves me... and I love her more than I'll ever be able to tell you. That type of love is born when someone teaches you things you never knew, and you give them things you can't get back. I love Jade West not only for everything we shared or everything she is, but also because like it or not, painful or pleasant, through blood, sweat, and sex she made me a woman. I'm proud of myself too...

**JADE**

Blue hats and gowns, black eyeliner and mascara, crudely mock the bruises I'm feeling on my heart. Graduation is a confusing time, especially for a woman like me. One who doesn't get change. I don't know why the world doesn't just keep turning the way it's been turning for the past two years. We had a damn good thing going and time just up and shit all over it! I'm sure my perception of the past is a little more warped than others. For someone who loves black so much, looking back on the years, I only see gray.

Compromise, numbness, vacancy, are what make the biggest splotches on the painting of my high school years. There is one white area. (There are actually three white areas, but I don't realize it at the time.) Tori Vega is the only one I can see right now, maybe because her space just got particularly brighter. She's a pure, blinding white. Not because of some innocence and not because she lights up my world or some dumb hippie shit. Tori is white because she makes me feel so much. Unlike Beck or Cat, she doesn't just make me love her... she makes me hate her too. She makes me feel afraid, happy, angry, sad, torn, broken, safe, grounded, unstable, and the list can go on and on. Every emotion has it's color. And it's this never ending mix of contrasting colors, that make her white. They violently collide with each other in this strong, over baring brightness of white that is Tori Vega. And recently she just exploded all over my canvas. She spilled that ivory paint all over my masterpiece of grey with only a few words.

"I'm leaving Jade." She'd said a few nights ago. Being my normal bitch of a self, I snorted and told her that we were ALL leaving. It's graduation. She didn't tsk or roll her eyes like she usually does with my poor attitude, instead she slid to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them to her chest. "I'm going to London." She whispered, not looking into my eyes. I don't blame her. Within a split second my dull expression falls and they're flaming with an amount of anger and intensity that she could never seem to tolerate. "When are you coming back?" I snarl through gritted teeth. She's an actress and a singer, I knew she'd travel. But she'll come back... right? Can she hear my heart jumping like a jackrabbit? Desperate to get into my throat and spew out words of love, words that it knows will make her stay. The brunette weakly shakes her head from side to side, "I'm not Jade." It's so quiet. The way she says it. Her heart is breaking, just like it has so many times before for me. The only difference is... my heart is breaking along side of hers.

It isn't beating loudly in my ears now, pumping panicked blood through my veins. It's so slow and relaxed, despite my chest being constricted and without any air at all. All I can do is stare at her, and I stare and stare, hoping maybe if I do I'll burn a hole straight through her legs and she won't be able to walk away from me. I can't stop myself, throwing my coffee mug across the room and straight into the wall. It breaks into a thousand pieces, exploding on impact and bleeding the brown liquid onto the floor. I stand there and huff for for oxygen, I need AIR! I'm desperate... I'm so fucking DESPERATE for her but this hurts. This hurts. I've been broken worse than that mug could have ever been. So I turn toward the door and start to leave in silence.

My feet pause at the door way, my limbs tremble, my eyes sparkle with tears and I look at her. Everything about her is beautiful, broken, but beautiful. I should know, I'm the one that made her that way. Again my breath catches and it hurts so badly I just want to scream. "I love you." I plead gently. A loud, strangled sob breaks free of her throat before she gets enough air to speak, "I know." Her body shakes as she turns away from me, "And I love you too... but it's never been enough and it never will be enough to make it work." In a mad fury I slam the door so hard the handle snaps off.

I drive to Beck's that night in a rage, we fight, we fuck, we scream until finally I'm collapsed on the floor in tears. In the beginning I used Tori and loved Beck... but I just reversed the roles. I used my boyfriend, I was violent with him. Blood is trickling down the side of my face where I've hit my head against the wall. I had been lunging for Beck and he dodged me. In his defense he tried to grab me before impact... but I'm glad it happened. The pain knocked me out of my haze, and coming back into reality, I can see how I've used all of them... not just Tori. Everyone I love. I cling to Beck that night, and I tell him she's leaving... He doesn't understand how much it hurts... no one ever will.

That was it. I never said anything else to her. In fact, I didn't hear very much from her for years afterward. Maybe I did and I just ignored it. I do that... or at least I did. I guess I'm a little less of a bitch now days. Cat says I'm 'pleasantly tolerable' most of the time and we're married so hell... I suppose she'd know better than I do. We all gave Cat shit for being so ditzy in school and yet, she's always seems to know better than I do. Better than any of us ever did. She just wasn't bitchy enough to rub our noses in it like a puppy that messed on the floor. Very patiently she waited for us to come up to her level... to be better than what we were. Something with substance that was worth having. She saw that in all of us, but most of all in me. It's one reason I fell in love with the sneaky little bitch.

Love is a fucked up word, just so you know. Well... no let me rephrase. Love is a perfect word. There is nothing more pure or true. What's fucked up is the labels and limits we put on such an indescribable and unrestricted thing. We're taught from the time we're little, mommies and daddies go together, and love only exists between two people at a time and sex shouldn't live outside of love. It's preposterous. Love doesn't fit in a box any more than the ocean fits into a coffee cup. I think that's why it screws us over so hard too. We're so small, and we have to try and hold this massive substance that is pure, raw love. At first, we throw it away carelessly, then over time we learn that while a burden, while it spills over the walls of our cups and stains everything it touches, or how if burns our throat from the raw heat as we swallow it down, we learn to cherish it.

People who truly cherish love can see the restrictions the world has put on it, and drop them. We let love define itself. Love is only shared between two people at a time because (and I can tell you from first hand experience) it's easier to control that way. But when I was little and I decided I wanted to be an original, to not take the easy or normal way out, without knowing I opened myself up for love to spill out of me in every direction. While I didn't notice it, I wasn't even remotely in control of my love. I called it sex and I gave it away freely. But love has a mind of it's own, and it seeks out who it wants and eventually it zeroed in on who it really wanted. In my lack of control, it decided what I wanted for me. My love wanted Cat. It wanted Beck... and it wanted Tori too.

When I had them all, I was finally sated. It was painful and chaotic, but I was still happy with that. I was in love and in a way, we're all happy in love. We accept in some way that love comes with pain and we don't let that interfere with how happy we really are. Our small group was like a family in a really twisted way. Not in the way you're related, but in the way that when you're together there is this feeling of being whole. We were part of one machine, moving in harmony, never one without the other. It was something I never got at home. My mother was bitter, my father was strict and hateful (on top of the fact he wasn't there after him and mother divorced), and I spent so much time torturing my younger brother that he grew up to hate me as much as dad does. I'm sure they all had their reasons for staying in our little group, I'm sure they had their OWN problems that made them crave the love we so freely gave away. Even though we caused each other pain, the pain of loosing each other was far worse, or at least that was how it LOOKED. We were fooled by this illusion that life without one another was nothing, that the world outside was much worse than the world inside our crooked little home. An illusion I made them see, because in my case it was no illusion at all. So we wrapped our wounds after fights and clung to each other... until Tori saw through the haze, and made a run for it while she could still find a path out.

For a while after that, I clung to Beck. He was everything to me... I don't even remember talking to Cat. I needed Beck. He was so strong. Something was off though, we could both feel it. The break in our little family Tori made, created a crack in our walls and lighted the way for Beck to see out. He wasn't sure about it. I know he loved me... and I still loved him. So I shoved his ass out the door. It came in the form of an acting gig in Australia. We said we'd pick right back up where we left off, but we only said it to dull the pain. It was a lie. By the time Beck came back it was a half a year later, he came over once... to tell me he was engaged. It didn't hurt though. By the time he was back the wound was old, it had healed instead of festered and rotted the way I thought it would.

Of course it could have been because of Cat. I'm pretty sure she's a doctor and not a singer. She stitched me up after he left. She took nights of screaming and anger because I was too afraid to cry in front of her. I covered my sadness up with cruelty and like the angel she is, Cat took the hurtful words and actions in stride as I stormed through the halls of our rented home in a rage. Objects flew, words cut and I'm deeply ashamed to say there were times my hands hit her. In the worst of rages, where I just wanted someone to hurt as bad as I was hurting.

Three months after he left I couldn't take it anymore, I accidentally let my tears flow in front of Cat. I was terrified. I'm supposed to take care of her. I'm supposed to be strong! I'm Jade West and up until that point I thought I was Cat's rock. The fear came over my body in what felt like icy chills as I just cried and waited for her to break too. If I couldn't handle it no way Cat could. I just knew that showing her I was weak would hurt her enough to finally make her leave me too. I was a selfish, weak looser who deserved nothing but the loneliness Tori and Beck had bestowed upon me. I most certainly didn't deserve _**love** _after everything I'd done... especially to Cat. So I hung my head in shame and waited for the last one to leave, unable to control my tears and consumed with pain and self hatred... And after a long moment of dreadful silence, Cat wrapped her arms around me and held on. Strong as an ox she supported my entire being as it crashed the rest of the way down and I opened up more than I ever had with anyone. She did it with soft words and gentle hands stroking my body. I'd never felt more loved. It had taken over four years of persistence to get to this place in our relationship, something that no one else had the time, or strength, nor the ability to do for me... and I knew I loved her more than anything else right then.

After that night things slowly started to get better. I no longer had to put so much effort into **not** thinking about Tori or forcing my attention off of Beck. Strangely enough, Cat and I are kind of (damn it I hate saying this) 'good for each other'. From the time I was a child, I remember being somber and angry. I was ok with those things. They were the norm and I felt no need to change them. At times, I even wondered why people like Tori or Cat or Robbie (especially Robbie seeing he had _no_ prospects) bothered to put so much effort into fighting those emotions that ruled my life. Anger protected me and my over all melancholy attitude kept people that annoyed me at a distance. Self preservation and success was all that ever mattered to me. It wasn't until that night with Cat that I started to want more from life. Cat seemed to supply me with what ever I needed even when I didn't know what I needed. Comfort, stress relief, understanding, and love were given to me without asking.

Over time, I slowly became aware that I did just as much good for Cat as she did for me. The little redhead has never had and self restraint. We've known each other for years, and I can't count how many times I've saved her ass. I was the one that pulled her out of that mental ward in high school after Tori murdered Rex. It was _me_ who stayed the night with her after that incident with Daniel. I even stayed with her on that stupid cupcake float to make sure she didn't wonder outside and get herself murdered. The point is, the more time we spend together, the more she seems to learn what she _shouldn't_ do. She mainly does it because she doesn't want to annoy me (or more likely worry me), but at least as the time passes Cat is starting to recognize these things on her own without me telling her. Also, the more time we spend together, the calmer and more mature she seems to be. Don't get me wrong, she's still ditzy, crazy, never shut up, super energetic Cat, but she's learned to channel it. It most likely because she no longer has to fight for attention, I give her copious amounts at almost all times when we aren't working and that apparently relaxes her... that or we have so much sex she is too tired to act like a nut.

After Beck told me he was engaged it was like a switch went off in my brain. I NEEDED to marry Cat. Sure, we weren't officially doing any more than we did in high school, we just sat around in private and had sex or watched movies or talked, we weren't even by definition dating... and true to a selfish nature, as soon as I heard Beck had something more, I wanted it too. So I put on a romantic facade (which I suck at by the way) and proposed to Cat the best way I could think of... with ice cream. The girl loves ice cream almost as much as she loves me. I took her to the zoo (and barely made it through that experience without being a bitch), and we walked around from one exhibit to the next, Cat blabbering about nothingness the whole time. When I could barely take it anymore I took her to this 'fancy' ice cream place downtown, fingering the ring in my pocket nervously the whole time. I discretely slipped the man behind the counter 30 dollars and a glass dish that had 'will you marry me' printed on the bottom... I don't really know when it all started to go to Hell.

We sat there until the 'waiter' brought over our ice cream. For the past half hour Cat was asking me if I was sick. I WAS sweating profusely and nervously snapping at everyone around us. By the time she was half way through that damn ice cream I was shaking in my seat, lying and saying it was because I was cold. A loud scream broke through our poor excuse for a conversation. "YES! Yes yes yes! Of course I'll marry you!" Some random woman shouts from the other side of the room. My eyes snapped over to see her arms around the neck of a mortified young man. "Aww that's so sweet!" Cat gushed, shoveling another spoonful of the strawberry ice cream down her throat, "Hmm... he doesn't look so happy huh?" I went to put my head in my hands out of frustration, and accidentally hit the tray containing both of our ice creams, which splattered against our shirts. "JADE!" Cat half squealed and half laughed, grabbing gobs of napkins to try and dry herself. "What is the matter with you today?" She grumbled, shaking her head in exasperation. "Cat?" I snapped, bringing her attention from her ruined blouse to me. She gave me a fond smile, "I'm not mad about the shirt Jade."

"I don't care about your damn shirt!" I griped, earning a perk of her perfectly groomed eye brows. "Well if you're going to be huffy." She said with an eye roll. "Cat... that guy" I grumbled, pointing over toward the awkward couple, "Isn't happy because he doesn't want to marry that girl." Cat tilted her head curiously, "Then why would he _**ask** _her t-" "He didn't." I interrupted, reaching across the table and picking up the discarded ice cream dish. "This was supposed to be his dish. That," I said pointing over to the dish on the couple's table, "Was supposed to be yours." Cat rolled her eyes, "Why does it matter what dish they got Jade?" Frustrated, I shoved my hand into my pocket and fished out the ring. I awkwardly slid out of my chair and walked around to kneel in front of Cat. It was an odd position, one that I doubt I'll ever be used to. Being low and submissive, knelt on the floor, was fitting really... because it was what I was willing to be for her if she wanted it. My hand held out the ridiculous pink cupcake diamond ring. Cat was stiff and her eyes were wide with curiosity, looking to see if I was joking. "The reason the dish mattered kitty, was the bottom said..." _Here goes nothing_ "Will you marry me?"

After that it gets a little blurry, seeing as one second I was on one knee and the next I felt the air being slammed out of me as Cat tackled me to the floor. I felt her lips collide with mine ruthlessly as my vision began to swim. I blacked out... Turns out Cat made me bust my head on the stone flooring and I woke up in the hospital with a mild concussion. Cat was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking completely pitiful. I groaned and brought a hand up to my head just as she realized I was awake, "Damn it Cat, if you didn't want to marry me all you had to do was say so... the attempted murder was a little bit of an over reaction." Before she broke into tears I smiled and pushed her with my foot, "So what about it baby girl? Wanna be stuck together?" She leaned over and nodded vigorously, kissing me much more gently than the first time, "We've always been stuck together Jade." I chuckled and swung my feet off the bed so I could get up, "Ain't that the truth, when you want something, you always know how to get it huh kitty?" Her eyes rolled, "You're one to talk."

I can't say things got much easier after that. Cat planned a nauseatingly sweet wedding in some super old mansion. It looked like she sprayed the entire place down with pepto bismal to me. I didn't care much though, I was too frantically nervous to care about anything other than making this whole thing go smoothly. Cat told me on multiple occasions to calm down but her pleas fell on deaf ears. This wedding was not going to be a fiasco like the proposal... mostly because I wasn't **ever** going to go through this grueling, embarrassing scenario again so she better like it the first and **_only_ **time we say our vows. To my surprise, the world decided not to shit on my happiness that day and everything went perfectly. The worst part was that I cried a little a few times, but out of both respect for me and fear for their lives, no one said anything to me about it. We spent a week in Paris, another in Rio, even one in Japan. Since both of our careers were off to a lovely start, we had some time and money to throw around.

Ten years later, I have the closest someone like me will ever get to a fairy tale. It's not perfect, we have our bad days, our _really_ bad days, and our fair share of screaming and crying matches, but we're together. We never threaten to walk out or to leave, because it isn't even an option. I need Cat, and Cat needs me. Even after ten years that is an odd feeling, to have someone rely on you for nearly everything and vice versa. To be able to trust another human being with that much of yourself feels nearly suicidal, yet it cannot be helped or stopped. I wonder at times if it scares Cat like it does me. It seems so natural for her to give, and I'm a greedy old troll who tries to cling on to everything I have, only reluctantly releasing some to her when I have to. But it works some how, crazy as it may be, I've found someone who can hold all of my love even as brutal and harsh as it is and in return, I hold her love too.

~wmvmw~

Reunions. Who the _**hell **_thought that reuniting with your old high school class was a good idea? Please point them out to me so I can throw the stupid punch bowl at their face! Get it? Punch bowl? Wow... I've been around Cat way too much. There goes the last bit of my self respect. Anyway, the point is I can't remember a time when I was this angry. I mean, I can but it was a really _really_ long time ago. I spent half of the night talking to Beck and Robbie, even Sinjin was an alright conversationalist. After a couple of hours I allowed myself to relax. She **wasn't** coming. The thought of seeing her now makes me physically ill. Just when I thought I was safe, she comes traipsing through the door like a frightened puppy. My attention quickly zeros in on the conversation I've been having with the boys as Cat forces me to release her. Stubbornly, I refuse to follow, pretending I didn't just see the lovely little Latina sweep into the cafe.

It isn't until I see Cat flailing her arms that my attention is brought their way. For a moment, I glare hotly at her, worried something is wrong, but then I realize she's just fed up with my hiding and is trying to force my hand. It works too. The boys recognize Tori immediately and practically stampeded her way. Like happy little puppies who's master just returned they run to her side, but I refuse to sink to that level. My pride makes me linger, walking slow and deliberate. Beck offers me his hand down the stairs, a playful glint in his eye. Will he ever cease to be amused by the sick little game going on between Tori and I? I doubt it. My heels click against the asphalt and in that second, terror floods in with my anger. I don't want to face Tori, not now, not ever and especially not with that _**creature** _on her arm. I'll never get over Andre marrying her. He's become some sick reincarnation of the Beast from that stupid Disney film to me. It fits really. I'm Gaston, the brutish hunter, and he's her prince charming as well as my prey... and just like in the movie, I **lost**.

Our iteration is nothing short of agonizing for me. It takes a good two hours for me to settle down into the conversation and it's only because of the familiarity of the situation. The night is slowly tricking me into feeling the same thing I've always felt when I was with the two girls (outside of sex that is) and that's peace. Like some stupid mother hen over her brood I see that **_my_ **two girls are happy, content in the presence of one another and that relaxes and empowers me. To know that we can revert to our old ways within a split second. It makes me feel like less of the looser and more so the victor when I see her ignoring Andre to be with us, with _**me**_. I don't care what she says, Tori Vega is _**mine**_. Like a little song bird, I've kept her caged in my heart, possessively keeping her away from the world. In high school I fed her lies and watered her with what affection I knew how to give and I clipped her wing, never forgetting to latch her cage with fierce threats and comments that struck fear in her heart. But even now, the little bird in front of me flies back to my hand, happily stuck to me by the long chord around her heart that I've never severed.

We sit there for hours after the event is over but near 12:30 Cat starts to bump my hip and fidget. Usually that means she wants to get going, because she's sleepy. Reluctantly, and realizing the time, we all tear ourselves apart again. A wave of anger passes over me as I see her near the car with that **thing**. That horrible, beastly prince charming that was everything I could never be to her, opens her car door, and I can't resist saying something to her despite my anger. I want to shout that I love her, and that I don't give a shit about her kids or that stupid wedding ring. I want to scream at her to get her ass in the back of my truck and be where she belongs, with _**us**_... but I don't. I tell her I'm proud of her... because I do love her and as much as I want to, I won't ruin her life, her happiness. It's important to me that she's happy, even if it means I'll loose her forever this time.

The ride home is silent, only the soft gargle of the radio hums along with the car. Cat is lightly dozing in the seat next to me, and I realize I'm crying. Not in big heavy sobs, but in silent tears that drip down my cheeks. Just like the first time she left me, Tori has forced a flood of emotion to come out... only it's different this time. I'm not only furious at the fact she's gone or who she has gone with, I'm angry because things have changed now... I've changed. I'm sure that if she had come to that thing alone, with no family back home to worry about and no stupid husband, that I'd have convinced her to come back with me and this time she wouldn't want to leave. I've changed a lot more than she realizes, and yet I'm still the cliche bad guy. She probably tells the story of how she escaped my grasp like I would have killed her one day in a burst of anger, or that I never _really_ loved her... and if she'd have just been alone I could have changed all of that. I could have morphed it into a sick fairy tale where I was the savior, not the devil.

We get home and I dry my tears before nudging Cat awake. She wears a passive, unemotional look on her face as we trudge into our house. Some of the tension fades off of me as I close the door behind us and we've enveloped with the smell of our home. The home we bought and made together. I was happy before I say Tori tonight, sure she crossed my mind at times and that was painful, but nothing like it is right now. Her face haunts the darkened corners in the dimly lit halls of my home as I saunter toward the bedroom, Cat is five steps a head. She's oddly silent right now, leaving me to my thoughts when I could use one of her trade mark distractions. The sneaky little brat is doing it on purpose no doubt, she's probably mad at me for being so upset over Tori. It was true they liked each other back in high school, they slept together, even went out a couple of times without me... but it wasn't like they loved each other like I love them. Cat was always ridiculously jealous of the time I spent with Tori, even though she denied it to both our faces. So now, she's letting me stew in my emotions because I was stupid enough to let them resurface.

I grumble under my breath as I fumble with the clasp my necklace. Warm fingers wrap around mine and gently swoop my hair off of my neck. Cat makes quick work of the jewelry, and then unzips my dress, smoothing her hand along my back as she peels it off. A bit afraid I'll upset her, I keep my mouth shut through the whole ordeal. When the dress is gone she unclasps my strapless bra and kisses my shoulder. "Good gracious Jade breathe." She whispers gently, tickling her fingers down my hips. I try my best to release the tension and exhale deeply. Her hands continue to wonder, comforting me rather than turning me on for once. She sighs herself, "Do you regret it?" Her tone is flat, but gentle as her hand on my flesh. "You forced me to go, of course I regret it." I snap, stepping out of the discarded garment and heading for the bathroom door. Cat huffs crossly, and begins to strip herself. She follows me into the bathroom, dropping items of clothing as she goes. Her underwear drops right outside the shower as she stubbornly forces her way in and under the stream of heated water I've started.

"I wasn't referring to the reunion. I know you didn't want to do that." She snaps, wetting her blood red locks methodically. I take a seat on the bench in our large shower, the stone is cold and slippery against my bottom but I don't really mind. Cat grumbles something, and hold out her hand expectantly for the shampoo, only to have me grab the appendage and pull her into my lap. I take the sweet smelling, strawberry scented substance and start to rub it into her hair. She relaxes very slightly with a contented puff of air from her chest, "I meant... do you regret her? You brought her to us." My lips twist in thought, trying to avoid snagging her tangles. "No." I respond quickly, not having to think too hard about that part, "No, I wanted her. I love her." Cat takes the admission with grace instead of blowing up like most others. I suppose she knows that she is my 'knight in shining armor', and that I love her the most. She's fought valiantly and in the end, through years of stubborn persistence, she won every piece of me. I belong to her.

Amazingly, Cat even seems to accept my proclamation of love, continuing on without any noticeable offense. "Why did you let her leave back in high school?" She says quite suddenly, standing to rinse off her hair. I shrug my shoulders, not really knowing what to say to that. "Oh come on Jade. We did everything you ever wanted. You were in total control. You **_could_ **have stopped her. Instead you threw a tantrum but reluctantly let her go. I mean I wasn't surprised when it happened with Beck, that was a long time coming, but not her... she was special to you." The redhead quips, motioning for the body wash. I hand it to her with a frown. "You're special to me." I defend quickly, but she only shakes her head. "Sure I am but we're special to you in different ways Jade. Even you have to admit it." She scolds. I want to grumble about how I don't _have_ to do anything, but I don't. She's still apparently expecting an answer to her previous question, prodding me with her expression. I sigh in defeat, "The same reason I didn't stop her tonight... She wanted to **_leave_**. Hell back then I don't blame her." "But you do now?" Cat asks, tugging me off of the bench and grabbing my shampoo.

"Of course I do. She's with _**him**_..." I say childishly, I'm trying desperately to make myself feel anger instead of sadness, but it isn't working. "A lot has changed since then. I've changed... but one thing is still the same between us, Tori Vega belongs to me. Just like you do. When she got into that stupid car I almost-" I snarl in frustration and slam my fist into the shower wall, making Cat yelp a bit. "JADELYN! You could break your hand!" She snarls, swatting my hip painfully. It breaks my furious haze and settles me down a bit. Cat finishes my hair promptly, then wraps her arms around my waist, holding on firmly while I try and compose myself. "I didn't stop her because she wanted to go. In high school, she wasn't happy and I threw a fit because I couldn't **_force_ **her to be happy like I could anyone else. I let go of her then because she wasn't happy, and I let her go this time because she was... and you don't keep the people you love from being happy. Not when you love them that much" I mumble, revealed when I finally say it. After ten years that painful, truthful admission has finally left my lips. Cat lets me work through it, washing me off the rest of the way and then gently leading me to bed before telling me she loves me. Of course I respond but emotionally I'm spent. As always, Cat doesn't press, nor does she seem disappointed.

"You should tell her the truth." The little singer proclaims. I snort and close my eyes, "What truth?" I feel her snuggle deep into the bed clothes beside me. "Tell her how you've followed her career like a bloodhound on a sent, tell her how disgustingly often you worry about her... tell her you love her." She replies, yawning midway through her little shpeel. "Go to sleep Kitty." I snap with a sigh, I don't want to think about Tori anymore. I don't want to talk to her, or admit anything else. I don't want the dreams that invade my head when I finally drift off. But I get them.

When I can't stand it anymore I wake up, toss the covers off of me and grab my phone off of the night stand. She probably won't even have the same number now, but I text her anyway. It's mostly for myself, so I can move on once and for all. I struggle through the large, two part message and hit send before tossing my phone away and hiding under the covers. It's done. My hand slithers possessively around Cat's waist, who doesn't stir a bit. I concentrate on how much I love her, and close the book on my relationship with Tori. She isn't mine... I've set my little song bird free.

~wmvmw~

Tori Harris died at the old age of 89, her husband passed a few years before her. She died a legendary performer with fans that followed her to the end. When sickness plagued her body, she let go and decided to move on, leaving four children well raised and ready to make their own lives. The eldest of them all, named Cadence, cleaned out her mother's room, carefully packing each object away. She went to the hospital and took her mother's things. A small box, filled with pictures of her family... and something else. An old phone and a photograph of her mother as a teen and a woman Cadence had only ever seen on TV was at the bottom of the wooden box. Jade West, an actress that had passed years ago. Cadence recognized her immediately because her younger twin once aspired to be just like the actress. The photo was faded, and clearly handled often. The phone, amazingly was still working. Using the charger to power the ancient device, Cade somberly flipped through the messages. If it was important to her mother, it was important to her. There was only one thing on the phone, two lone, long text messages.

_-I saw you leave with him tonight, and I don't think I've ever been so angry. To know that someone else has you when I've always been the one that wanted you... but I don't want you now. Cat says I should tell you the truth though Vega- **Jade**_

_-Everything I did, was because I loved you. I'll always love you. I never stopped. I've worried over you and watched you from the shadows for years in denial. This time, I'm really gunna stop. You did one hell of a job with your life, keep it up... you aren't mine anymore but I love you, always..- **Jade**_

Cade frowned, setting the items back in the box and taking it away. From what she could recall about the actress, she'd tragically taken her own life along with her wife one night. The news had said something about the wife, Catarina West, fighting some horribly painful disease and rumor was there was a suicide note explaining to their families they didn't want to be apart. It was strange her mother had never mentioned the two, she never even said she knew them. Her eyes fell back to the frowning actress in the picture and her mother, who looked genuinely happy. On the back of the photo her mother had written a small paragraph, which was read at her funeral, and then the picture and the box were barrier with her mom, next to her father. It wasn't until she was leaving that she noticed the plots beside her parents belonged to the same actress and her wife in the picture. With a shrug she pushed it aside, everyone has their secrets.

_"True love is the most rewarding and painful thing in our lives. Yet we have no choice but to cherish it because nothing makes us happier. Nothing else fills our hearts to the brim with every emotion possible, and nothing else stays forever. People we love don't enter our lives and then exit them. Even if they move on, or stray away, you never stop loving them. I'll always love you too."-** Tori Vega.**_


End file.
